An Amish Mother for His Child
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Patricia Johns
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Chapter One
Snow swirled down from a heavy, gray sky. It spun past the windowpanes and made the January early afternoon feel more like dusk. Kerosene lamps hissed quietly, illuminating Bishop Zedechiah and Trudy Glick’s sitting room in their soft glow. Verna Kauffman shivered despite the woolen cardigan she wore over her blue cape dress. Maybe it was nerves.
The furniture had all been moved aside to make room for the few guests—Verna’s parents, her grandfather, her great-grandmother who sat to the side in a rocking chair, her sister and her family. And, of course, the community matchmaker, Adel Knussli, was there, too, with her husband, Jacob, at her side and their toddler son on her hip. She was responsible for setting up this marriage, after all. It was through Adel’s connections that Verna had found her soon-to-be husband. Adam Lantz was from Oregon, but he seemed kind and decent, and he was a widowed father in need of a mother for his little girl. And Verna was a woman of thirty who’d never managed a match before this one.
This was Verna’s chance, and she sucked in a steadying breath as the bishop’s sonorous words passed over her. He was preaching about the duties of marriage—taking care of each other, loving each other, respecting each other and raising the children in the right paths. She tried to listen, but her heart was pounding so hard that she couldn’t follow it. She glanced over at Adam. He was looking down at his polished boots, a solemn expression on his face. He was taller than her, with curling blond hair that refused to keep to the Amish haircut. His jaw was strong, and he already had a red-gold married beard, since he’d been married before. There was no needing to guess what marriage would look like on him. Adam seemed to feel her gaze because his eyes flickered in her direction, and he gave her a small smile.
This man—this virtual stranger—was going to be her husband.
The room was warm—the potbellied stove pumping heat against her side—but her fingers were still cold. She didn’t have time to carefully sew her own blue wedding cape dress. Her mamm had helped her to adjust a blue dress she already owned, and to sew a crisp new white apron to go with it. There was no wedding quilt waiting for her bed, either. She’d have to sew her own after the event, in the long, cold months ahead. But here she stood on this most important day, wondering if she’d feel different after those vows were said—if being married had a feeling all its own.
“We have now come to the vows,” Bishop Glick said. He was a plump man with kind eyes and a salt-and-pepper, grizzled beard. “These vows are for life. There is no breaking them. There is no going back on them. For the rest of your lives, you will be bound to each other in all situations—husband and wife.”
Verna smoothed her hands down the front of her apron.
“Do you, Adam Lantz, vow to be the husband of Verna Kauffman, to protect and provide for her, to honor and cherish her, for all of your days?”
Would he? Now that it came down to the line, would Adam really vow to be hers? She didn’t look at him, didn’t allow herself so much as a glance. She swallowed, her head starting to buzz.
“Yah, I do.”
She exhaled, her head feeling light.
“And do you, Verna Kauffman, vow to be the wife of Adam Lantz, to love and support him, to honor and cherish him for all of your days?”
Verna nodded. “Yah, I do.”
“Then I pronounce the blessing on you of Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca, of Jacob and Rachel. You are wed. What Gott has joined, let no man separate.”
Verna didn’t move, and then she felt Adam’s hand brush hers. She looked over and found Adam looking at her hesitantly. They were married.
“Congratulations,” Bishop Glick said, leaning forward and giving her a warm smile. Then he shook Adam’s hand.
Next there was a hymn, followed by another, and Verna stood there, feeling like she might fall over from the rush of it all. It was done—he’d vowed, she’d vowed... They were married! And when Bishop Glick said the last prayer, Verna turned to see her mother, Hannah, with tears in her eyes. She stood next to Great-Grandmother Sarah’s rocking chair, the old woman’s hand in hers.
Hannah’s hair was iron gray, and she had lines around her eyes and around her mouth. Verna was the youngest child in the family, and she knew that her mother was both relieved and a little nervous about Verna’s marriage.
Verna’s father was on the other side of the room with Jacob Knussli. He came forward to shake Adam’s hand, and Hannah came and gave Verna a tight hug.
“A married woman now,” her mother whispered in her ear. “May you be very happy, my dear girl.”
She pulled back and tears sparkled in her eyes.
“I will be,” Verna said firmly. “I will.”
She was determined to be happy. She might hardly know this man, but this was her chance, wasn’t it? She now had a family—Adam and Amanda Rebecca, his daughter.
Trudy Glick, the bishop’s wife, stood back with the little girl in her arms. Amanda Rebecca was nearly five, and she had big, somber blue eyes and hair pulled back away from her face that was so fair that it was almost white. She was one reason Verna had agreed to this wedding—a tiny little girl who needed a mamm of her own so very badly. Amanda Rebecca was why Adam had been looking for a marriage arrangement, too. Adam was a loving father, but he was so formal and needed some help in raising a girl. Well, Verna had longed to be a mother for as long as she could remember, and now there was a little child who would well and truly belong to her.
Trudy put Amanda Rebecca down, and the little girl went over to Adam’s side. She stood very still, her hands folded in front of her pink cape dress, a little white cardigan on top to keep her warm.
Adam turned, looked down at his daughter and then over at Verna, and in that moment, Verna felt like a gate had closed—like the three of them were shut inside a circle that belonged to only them. Verna walked closer, and Adam smiled at her.
“Amanda Rebecca,” Adam said, his voice low and quiet. “Verna is now your mamm. We talked about this, didn’t we?”
“Yah,” the girl whispered.
“You will need to mind her and do as she says, okay?”
“Okay.” The same small whisper.
“She’ll show you all the things I can’t show you,” Adam went on. “She’ll show you how to dress, and how to sew and cook, and how to grow up to be a good girl.”
“I’m a good girl already,” she said softly.
“Yah, but you need a mamm for so many things. You’ll have to call Verna Mamm now.”
Amanda Rebecca looked up at Verna, and her chin trembled. Would this child call her Mamm anytime soon? She was small and frail, but she had a spine of steel in her—that was easy to see. She might not be the type to kick up a fuss, but she wasn’t going to bend before she was ready, either.
Verna squatted down in front of the child and looked into those big, soulful eyes.
“I’m so happy to be your new mamm,” she said. “I’ll take very good care of both you and your daet. We’ll be a happy family. I promise.”
Amanda Rebecca just looked at her mutely. She didn’t seem happy or unhappy, but small and a little stunned. She didn’t reach for her father’s hand, either—Verna had noticed that for a young child, Amanda Rebecca seemed very self-reliant. Perhaps too self-reliant.
But that was where Verna’s job began. She’d have to bond with her little stepdaughter and give her the love and care that only a woman could give. Adam had been right about that—there were some things only a mother could teach. Gott had brought Verna and Adam together for a reason, and the reason that burned in Verna’s heart stood before her in a little pink cape dress with blue eyes round with trepidation.
“Are you hungry yet?” Verna asked her.
Amanda Rebecca shook her head.
“Say no, Mamm,” Adam prompted her.
“No, I’m not hungry,” the girl whispered.
Verna almost smiled at the quick verbal sidestep. She was a smart one—and Verna was rather proud of her already. Verna stood up again and faced her new husband. Adam didn’t look as nervous as she felt, but then he’d been married before so this wasn’t entirely new for him. For Verna, she’d been dreaming of her wedding day for years...and then she’d given up dreaming, thinking she’d never get her chance. So standing here on the day of her wedding, looking at the man she was now joined to for the rest of her life, she felt a little thrill of fear.
The rest of their lives...and they hardly knew each other. Was this foolhardy? A little late to consider that, though. It was done.
“Well...” Verna wasn’t really sure what to say in a moment like this one.
“How does it feel?” Adam asked.
“I don’t know yet,” she admitted. “You?”
“I think we’ll be just fine,” he replied seriously.
“The things we promised before...” she said. “We’ll keep those promises, won’t we?”
He nodded, a smile touching his lips. “Yah. Of course, we will. I’ll be good to you.”
And she knew he would be. That was one thing she felt utterly certain of—Adam Lantz would be good to her. She’d been reassured of that fact by Adel, who’d looked very closely into his history and talked to a bishop and two deacons who knew Adam personally. She’d sat down with him for some extensive interviews, too, and at the end of her digging, Adel had proclaimed him a good man. That meant something—Adel didn’t play games when it came to deciding upon someone’s character. But all the same, Adel had also given a warning: He’s a good man. He’ll fulfill his duties, and you can be certain he’ll never lie to you. But he’s reserved, and I’m afraid that will seep over into his marriage relationship, as well. That’s my concern. I won’t sugarcoat it.
“Verna?”
Verna turned and saw her father a few feet away, and she moved over to accept a hug from him. Behind him, her mamm was helping Great-Grandmother to stand up and get steadied on her feet. At 101 years old, Great-Grandmother was doing very well.
“I’m happy for you, Verna,” her father said earnestly. “You deserve this.”
“Danke, Daet,” she said. “I’ll be a good wife.”
“Of course, you will be,” he replied. “You’re a wonderful cook, a good seamstress, and you’ve got a heart of gold. Adam is blessed to have gotten you.”
Daet always did know how to make her feel better. He patted her shoulder again and then looked over at Adam.
“I don’t want to keep you from your husband. But when you have time and Adam is working, you should bring your new daughter and come visit your mother and me. The house will be empty without you.” Her father dropped his hand and gave her a nod. Daet didn’t show much emotion, so even this much meant his heart was overflowing.
She’d miss living in the same house as her parents, too, she realized in a rush. Very much.
“I have some food waiting in the kitchen,” Trudy said, raising her voice to be heard. “If you’d like to come to the table, we’ll have a meal. It’s not a proper wedding without proper eating, is it?”
Verna looked over at strong, handsome Adam, and she sucked in a wavering breath. There was no confusion here. This marriage had nothing to do with love and everything to do with meeting their needs. Verna needed a husband, and Adam needed a wife. Besides, they’d discussed the most important issues in Adel’s kitchen. And Adam had promised her three things—she could continue teaching her knitting class, she would have her own bedroom until she felt more comfortable and they would make their home here in Redemption with her friends and family. Verna was hoping that Adel’s worries would be for naught and they’d grow to love each other over the next few months—that Gott would honor those well-intentioned vows and bestow His love into their marriage.
Besides, Verna had a lot of support here in Redemption as she ventured into this new territory of womanhood. Her parents were here, her grandparents, her friends, cousins and a community that had known her since she was born. She wasn’t alone. She’d have their support, advice and guidance as she figured out how to be a wife and mother in short order.
Because a whole new life started right now!
Adam followed Verna toward the kitchen. Amanda Rebecca walked stoically at his side. The place for the bride and groom was clear—they had two special plates and tall goblet glasses to drink from. Everyone else had regular plates and glasses. He moved forward to pull Verna’s chair out for her, and she smiled her thanks.
Adam sat down next to his wife at the table... His wife. She was a regal-looking woman—tall, slim, calm and with creamy skin that looked soft. He’d never touched her cheek, though, so he wouldn’t know. She sat next to him, her back straight and her hands in her lap. And Amanda Rebecca sat almost as regally on the chair on the other side of him, perched on top of a little booster seat to get her high enough at the table to reach her plate.
The others took their seats, too. Verna’s parents put her great-grandmother between them, and Verna’s mother, Hannah, tenderly tucked a napkin into the top of the old woman’s dress. Great-Grandmother Sarah lifted her watery gaze to meet Adam’s, and her face crinkled up into a smile. She gave him a silent nod, and he found himself feeling a little choked up. This was his new family.
His own mamm had been an Englisher by birth, and that stigma had always clung to their family. His mamm hadn’t made cabbage rolls like anyone else, and she’d never fully understood Amish humor. She’d spoken Pennsylvania Dutch with an accent, but she’d loved her family well...even though she’d been different—always so different. She didn’t hide her emotions like other Amish women. And she wasn’t nervous around Englishers, either. Obviously, she knew them better. Her parents sometimes visited, and he’d see his mamm laughing with them in a way that Amish adults didn’t do with their parents.
Being the son of such a different woman had been hard for Adam in his youth, and it had been important to him that his wife be a proper Amish woman with Amish pedigree—less for people to pick on. And Verna was proper in every way. With Verna, he and his daughter could settle into the comfortable middle of Amish life.
The meal was served, and Verna didn’t eat much—just moved the food around the plate with her fork and took a small bite now and again. Adam didn’t feel hungry, either. The food smelled wonderful, and he knew he’d be hungry later, but right now he just felt nervous. He ate without thinking, though. He was used to hard physical work—a man didn’t pass up a good meal just because he didn’t feel like eating it.
“Adam, have a little more noodles,” Trudy said, scooping another helping onto his plate.
“Danke,” he said, but he wasn’t sure he’d be able to eat it all.
He looked over at Verna and caught her eye. Color touched her cheeks, and she dropped her gaze.
His wife.
It had been four years since he’d last been a married man. Four years since he’d lost Rebecca. And four years since he vowed he’d never be a husband again. He wasn’t any good at it. But he wasn’t very good at raising a daughter alone, either, and after his sister had gone off to Florida to marry an Amish man out there, he’d been left alone with his daughter and a growing certainty that he needed a wife.
Of course, everyone around him thought his worries that he wasn’t very good at marriage were silly. They encouraged him to meet some eligible women and start again. You’ll be fine, they said. You’ll see how much a woman will bring to your home, and you’ll be grateful you did it.
His bishop, however, had stayed ominously silent on the matter. His silence still bothered Adam. If he thought Adam should have just stayed a single widower, he should have said so. That was a bishop’s duty, wasn’t it? But he hadn’t said a word. All he said was that Adam should do what he thought was best, as if Adam even knew what that was.
But Adam’s sister and parents had all been so eager when they saw a crack in his determination to stay single, and they’d immediately contacted Redemption’s matchmaker. With his grandfather’s connection to this community, he’d suggested it. Besides, they’d heard about some quality single women in Redemption through friends, and Adam wanted to explore those old family connections. Plus, the matchmaker had a very good reputation. There was one woman suggested, but she changed her mind about being ready for a match. He thought it might be a sign, and was ready to give up then, but the machine had been set into motion and Adel had come up with another match—Verna Kauffman. He’d agreed to meet her.
Somehow, Adam ate the meal in front of him. He didn’t remember much of it. Trudy, Adel and Verna’s mother, Hannah, all made a fuss over Amanda Rebecca and plied her with more pie than meat and vegetables. Normally, Adam insisted upon a nutritious meal first, but he couldn’t exactly do that right now, and Amanda Rebecca did seem to be relaxing with a big mouthful of cherry pie, her proper meal pushed to the side.
When the meal was over, the bishop said a prayer to bless their marriage, goodbyes were said and Adam went outside to hitch up the buggy. Jacob Knussli, the matchmaker’s husband, went with him, and together they sorted out the straps.
“It’s a big day,” Jacob said, casting him a smile.
“Yah.” Adam wasn’t sure what else to say. He didn’t know these people very well, although Jacob had been part of helping him find some local work at a large, Englisher dairy farm. He’d never worked a farm like this before. Back home in Oregon, he’d worked the small Amish farm with his brother and part-time at a canning factory.
“Verna’s a really wonderful woman,” Jacob said. “You’ve got a good wife, there.”
“Danke. Yah, I think so, too.”
“If you ever want to come by for a visit, Adel and I would love to have you.”
“I appreciate it.” Adam tightened the last strap. But a newly married couple visiting the matchmaker again normally meant they needed some help in sorting out a dispute. He wouldn’t be needing that.
“Well... Congratulations again,” Jacob said with a smile.
Verna must have been watching, because she came outside then, Amanda Rebecca at her side. She took the little girl’s hand and led her across the snowy ground to the buggy. Adam picked up his daughter under her arms and swung her into the buggy first, and then he offered Verna his hand.
“Danke...” Verna said, and she accepted his boost into the buggy. She didn’t need his help—that had been pure politeness—but he liked the way her hand had felt in his.
He hopped up into the driver’s side of the buggy and leaned forward to see outside. Jacob Knussli and Verna’s father, Marvin, stood on the step. They both waved. Marvin looked sober...a little worried even. Were Verna’s parents pleased with him for their daughter? He wasn’t sure. They were being supportive of Verna’s choice—that was all he knew.
Adam settled back into the seat and flicked the reins.
“Off we go home,” he said, trying to sound cheery. He looked over at Verna. She was looking out the small, square buggy window at the people disappearing behind them. She turned forward.
Adam was married again, and while he knew he needed everything that Verna would bring to his home, it still felt strange. Adam wasn’t at his best as a husband. He tended to disappoint, but hopefully Verna’s expectations would be lower. Hopefully, she’d be happy with what marriage gave her, too.
Adam had rented a little property just outside of town. It had a chicken coop that was currently empty, a stable, a three-bedroom house and, under the blanket of snow, a generously large garden, he’d been told. He’d cleaned the house himself and set up the bedrooms—one for each of them. That had been his agreement with Verna—she’d have her own room when they started out. He understood. They were virtual strangers.
He reined in close to the door and Verna got down. Amanda Rebecca looked at Adam questioningly.
“Go with...your mamm.” The words still felt a little strange coming out of his mouth.
His daughter leaned over and let Verna lift her down to the ground, and the two headed over to the house.
Adam took his time unhitching and getting the horse settled in the warm stable. He wasn’t sure what held him back—just nervousness, he figured. Because when he walked into that house today, Verna was going to have expectations of him. And he’d have some of her, too.
After he’d done all he needed to in the stable, he had no more excuses, and he headed across the snowy yard, walked up the steps and opened the side door.
There was no mudroom in this house, and the door opened straight into the kitchen. Verna crouched in front of the woodstove, kindling a fire, and Amanda Rebecca stood in the middle of the kitchen looking mildly confused.
Verna turned when she heard him and cast him a smile. “Just getting a fire started.”
“Yah, danke.” He took off his coat, even though it wasn’t exactly warm inside yet, and he put his hat on a peg on the wall. He crossed over to an oak rolltop desk in the sitting room, opened it and took out a folded piece of paper. Then headed back into the kitchen.
The fire crackled in the stove, and Verna closed the stove door. Then she took off her coat and hung it next to his.
“I...uh... I thought it might be helpful if I wrote a few things down for you,” Adam said.
Verna turned. “Oh?”
“Just a few things that I want to make sure go smoothly for Amanda Rebecca,” he said. He unfolded the paper and looked down at his own handwriting. “First of all, I want her to eat vegetables every day. She isn’t to have her dessert until all her vegetables are eaten. There is no flexibility on that.”
He glanced up to see Verna looking at him with her eyes wide. What she was feeling, he had no idea, so he just plunged on.
“Also, I want Amanda Rebecca to be called by her full name at all times. Rebecca is her mother’s name, and I think I owe her mother that much. I have other reasons, but suffice it to say, I want her to be called by her full name.”
“Okay...” Verna crossed her arms and cocked her head to one side.
“I also want her to memorize one Bible passage a month. She must be able to repeat it to me on the first of the month, so you’ll need to help her learn it. The first passage she’ll be learning is Ephesians, the sixth chapter, verses one through three.”
There was silence from Verna.
“And her bedtime is at seven thirty every night, no exceptions.”
Adam folded the page and handed it over. Verna accepted it, looked down at his handwriting and nodded.
“Am I...a nanny?” she asked at last.
“No, you’re her new mother,” he said. “I just thought that if I wrote it down, it might be easier for you. That’s all.”
“Am I to make any decisions for her on my own?” she asked.
“Of course. There will be plenty of things that are in the female domain. I won’t interfere,” he said.
“Good.” Verna pressed her lips together. “Isn’t she a little young for memorizing that many verses of scripture at once?”
“I don’t think so,” he replied. “It’s important to know her Bible.”
Verna sucked in a long, slow breath. Then she nodded. “All right. You’ve made yourself clear. Do you have a list like that for you?”
“What do you mean?” he asked with a frown.
“A list of things you expect me to do properly for you?” she said. “We might as well get this out of the way now. Expectations for what I’ll serve for breakfast, for example? The way you want your laundry done?”
Was she angry? Adam wasn’t sure. She had the list clutched in one hand, and she was eyeing him with an uncomfortably calm look on her face. Almost too calm.
“No, of course not. I’m sure that will all be just fine,” he replied.
“All right, then.” Her tone was quiet, and all the warmth from earlier was gone. Okay—he could tell he’d upset her now.
“I don’t mean to offend,” Adam said. “We don’t know each other, Verna. This is...difficult for both of us. I thought that being up-front and clear about what I was expecting would be better than having talk after talk about little things that I want done a certain way. We said we’d communicate openly.”
“We did say that,” she said. “I wasn’t expecting an itemized list, though.”
“Oh.” He nodded. “I can take it back.” He reached for the page.
“No, no,” she said. “I’ll keep it. You’re right. It’s best to be clear about what we expect, and you’ve been clear. Danke for that.”
“Do you have any expectations from me?” he asked.
“That you’ll pay the bills, keep food in the house and be honest with me always,” she said.
Of course, he’d do all of those. He’d provide as best he could, and he’d take pride in making sure his wife and daughter had all they needed, and even a little extra.
“I will do all of those things,” he said.
“Do you want me to write it down?” she asked, and there was a small smile on her lips.
“No.” He smiled faintly back. “I’ve got it.”
The heat from the stove emanated through the room. Verna turned away from him and bent down to take Amanda Rebecca’s coat off. She smiled at his daughter as she stood up and went to hang the little coat next to her own.
And standing there in the kitchen, looking at his coat, Verna’s coat and Amanda Rebecca’s coat all hung up in a row, it suddenly hit him, right in the heart.
He was well and truly married.
