Marry Me, Baby
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Debbi Rawlins
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Chapter One
“How does it feel to be a trophy husband?”
Jack Keaton muttered a curse, and sent his best man a warning look before tipping his beer to his lips and taking a long pull.
Gritting his teeth, he set the empty bottle back on the soggy cocktail napkin and signaled the bartender for another round, not bothering to point out that he wasn’t a husband yet. He wasn’t going to let his friend goad him.
“You do know that’s all you’ll be to her,” Rik said, before licking the salt from his fisted hand, then tossing back a shot of tequila.
Jack squinted at him. Either the light had gotten brighter in the open-air hotel bar or Jack’d had one too many beers. “As a best man you really stink.”
Rik shook his head, his expression serious. “I’m your friend and partner first. And I’m telling you this marriage is a big mistake. A really big mistake.”
Jack thought his friend’s words were a little slurred, but his own head had gotten slightly fuzzy and he wasn’t sure. “Ex-partner,” he reminded him.
Rik frowned. “Is that what’s eating you? My retirement?”
“Hell, no.” He straightened on the bar stool and stared out toward the ocean. Dark clouds obscured the blue Hawaiian sky. “I don’t blame you for getting out. I would, too, if I could. Guiding is a young man’s business.” He smiled back at the blond bartender who set down another bottle of beer in front of him. She was pretty, though not nearly as pretty as his fiancée, Stephanie. He should be a happy man. He wasn’t “It’s a jungle out there.”
They both laughed at the pun. Then Rik propped an elbow on the bar and said, “You’ll never leave the Amazon. You don’t know how to live in civilization anymore.”
“I don’t know. That hotel mattress felt pretty good the past two nights. I could get used to it.”
“You’re a damn liar.” Rik squirted lime juice onto his wrist, sprinkled on salt, licked it off then gulped down his fourth shot of tequila.
Uneasy with the conversation, Jack rubbed the back of his neck. “What’s your problem, Austin? You never drink this much. You act like you’re the one getting married.”
Rik snorted. “This is it. I’m cut off. No more booze.” He pushed the empty shot glass, the lime wedges and saltshaker to the far side of the bar. Then he raised his bloodshot blue eyes to Jack’s. “You don’t drink much either. Admit this marriage is a mistake.”
Jack exhaled, shoving aside the rest of his beer. “Stephanie and I both know what we’re walking into. She needs a husband. It’s no big deal.” Jack slumped in his chair. “Besides, it’s not like this is screwing up any other marriage plans. So what gives? I thought you liked her.”
“She’s an ice princess. You guys have zero in common.”
Jack’s temper flared. People often misunderstood Stephanie. He’d known her for thirty-two years. Her family had moved next door the year he’d started kindergarten. Stephanie was born soon after. Throughout the years, they had alternately fought and played together, but he’d always defended her. It seemed old habits died hard.
“We all had a damn good time when she came down to visit last year,” he said. “Why the doom and gloom sermon now?”
“You’re not the marrying kind. You’ll break too many hearts. And living several thousand miles apart is a damn stupid way to run a marriage anyway.” Rik waved an unsteady hand. “As your best friend, I’m duty-bound to tell you this is ridiculous,” he said seriously, and Jack had to smile. His best man was going to have one helluva headache.
The simple act of making his lips curve made Jack cringe, and he rubbed his throbbing left temple. So was he. “Let’s get out of here, huh?”
Rik glanced at his watch, then quickly grabbed the check and scribbled his name across the bottom. “Man, I didn’t think you’d go through with this.”
Neither had he, Jack admitted to himself, his gaze wandering toward the darkening horizon. He’d halfheartedly accepted Stephanie’s proposal, never thinking it would come to this. He knew she was in a bind, that she had to find someone suitable to marry, but he’d truly thought she’d find another way out of her problem. He’d about croaked when he received an invitation to his own wedding.
The wind picked up off the beach and whipped through the open bar. A coconut hat flew off a balding man’s head and sailed toward the trio singing Hawaiian songs in the corner. An elderly lady’s pink floral dress billowed and knocked a glass off a nearby table, sending a waitress scrambling for the broken glass.
“Are the forecasters still predicting that the storm will miss us?” Rik asked, eyeing the ugly black clouds gathering over the ocean.
“Last I heard.”
“Maybe you’ll luck out and the island will sink.”
Shaking his head, Jack pushed himself off the stool. “Get over it, Austin. In forty-eight hours, I’m going to be a married man.”
“You forgot happily, Jack.” Rik grabbed his room key off the bar, and with a grim face, followed him to the door. “Most guys woulda said happily married man.”
“Oh, yeah. Right.” He breathed in a supply of his waning freedom. He’d have to remember the happy part.
No way in hell would he embarrass Stephanie.
DANI CARPENTER stumbled out of her VW bug and nearly tripped over her large webbed feet Sighing, she steadied herself, then slammed the creaking, rusty door.
In the past week, she’d been a belly dancer, Tinkerbell and a clown. Impersonating Big Bird was no improvement. Smoothing her bright yellow polyester feathers with one hand while tucking the head under her arm with the other, she figured it could have been worse. Barney had been the customer’s first choice. Luckily, she’d demolished the purple costume at a birthday party last week.
The hotel parking lot was full. A trade wind whirled between cars and up her yellow tights. It wasn’t a particularly cool breeze, pretty warm and normal for June on Maui, but it sent a shiver through her nevertheless.
She swept her windblown ponytail back with her free hand. It was the audition scheduled for the day after tomorrow that was making her edgy, she told herself, glancing up at the darkening sky. An opportunity like that didn’t come often. She only hoped the weather would cooperate long enough for her to make it to Honolulu.
Tossing back her hair, she ignored the strange glances from people milling about, and marched through the lobby toward the concierge desk. There was no question about it. She was going to make it to her audition if she had to swim to Honolulu.
“Excuse me?” Dani waited for the dark-haired woman to look up from her desk calendar.
The young woman blinked in surprise, her gaze drifting from Dani’s face to her feathered shoulders. “You must be delivering Mr. Keaton’s singing telegram,” she said, a smile forming. When Dani nodded, the smile wavered and the woman glanced from left to right. “I’m Carla. Follow me. I’ll get the, uh, package you need to give him.”
Dani had a bad feeling about this. If this wasn’t one of Maui’s premier resorts, she’d certainly think twice about following the petite and obviously nervous woman down the narrow hall.
But a job was a job, and within seconds, they arrived at an office at the back of the lobby. The concierge ducked inside, then emerged with a basket cradling a green fuzzy bundle…that gurgled.
“What was that?” Dani frowned at the sound, then sniffed the air. It smelled like baby powder. She took a step back.
“You have to go to Mr. Keaton’s room right now. If you don’t, I can’t be sure he’ll still be there.” The woman pushed the basket at Dani while glancing nervously past her down the hall.
“What am I delivering?” Her eyes narrowing, Dani shrunk farther back, fisting her hands and crossing them over her chest.
Deep male voices rumbled from somewhere behind her. Carla’s eyes widened in alarm and she pushed the green fuzzy bundle at Dani. “Look, you gotta take this. If you don’t I could be fired. Room five-five-five.”
The voices grew louder. The bundle gurgled. Carla’s large brown eyes swam in panic.
“Ohhhh.” Dani muttered in disgust. When was she going to quit being such a pushover? After jerking Big Bird’s head atop her own, she held out her arms.
Carla deposited the basket with enthusiasm. “Remember. Room five-five-five.” She pointed down the opposite hall, then hurried toward the approaching voices.
“Sure, no problem,” Dani called after her, shaking her head. The bundle gurgled…and squirmed. She lowered her incredulous gaze to the wriggling blanket. “Oh, God, please let this be a puppy.”
Torn between wanting to hold it at arm’s length and taking a peek at what she’d gotten herself into, Dani cradled the basket to her chest with one arm and nudged aside the green blanket.
The baby’s mouth widened into a yawn as a miniature fist shot into the air. Its eyes opened and twin brown almonds stared back. Then its tiny pink lips puckered into a disgruntled pout.
Oh, heaven help her, it was going to start crying.
THE PLEASANT BUZZ was dimming. A hangover would come next. Although it had been over a decade since Jack had gotten this soused, he remembered the drill.
Actually, he wasn’t really soused. It would take more than four beers to do that But in his present frame of mind, even one had done a number on him.
A hangover would serve him right, he thought as he pulled off his shirt and doubled the pillows on his king-size bed. The same bed he’d be sharing with Stephanie in two nights.
A mild wave of queasiness moistened the skin over his temples. He did a U-turn and headed for the aspirin in his shaving kit.
A knock sounded at the door as he got halfway to the bathroom, and he cursed at the humming air conditioner. He thought Rik would be sound asleep by now.
“What do—” He threw open the door.
A blur of yellow filled the doorway. A big yellow nose…no, a beak angled up at him.
He blinked, rubbed his eyes.
It was still there. A bird. A big damn bird.
He frowned. “Rik?”
“Mr. Keaton?”
The voice was feminine, soft, practically a whisper. Jack leaned against the doorjamb, shaking his head, rubbing his bare chest. The beak angled down while several moments of silence lapsed. Then it snapped back up.
“Are you, or are you not Mr. Keaton?” The voice wasn’t soft anymore. It was short, impatient. Yellowstockinged legs shifted restlessly.
“Yeah, I’m Jack Keaton. What’s going on?”
The bird cleared its throat. One lone shrill note pierced the air, then the oversize stork burst into song.
If you could call it that. Jack cringed and put a hand to his forehead. Other than being able to identify the words congratulations and your turn the tune was totally unrecognizable, the high notes missed by a jungle mile.
“I give up.” He put up a hand, pleading for silence. “Take whatever you want. My wallet’s on the dresser.”
The bird stopped. “Actually, Mr. Keaton,” it said cheerfully, “I’m not taking anything. I’m dropping something off. But there is another chorus and little dance that goes with—”
“I won’t tell anyone if you don’t.” Shaking his head, he reached into his pocket and withdrew a handful of bills. Rik had been in the jungle too long. The least he could have done was send him a stripper or something. “Sorry I don’t have any sunflower seeds.”
“Cute.” The bird ducked.
“Hey.” Jack started to shove a tip at it before it left. God knew it could use it. Singing for its supper was not an option.
But its big, bulky feathered body blocked the doorway as it suddenly stooped to the floor, nearly sending Jack somersaulting into the corridor. He grabbed the door frame and steadied himself, his stomach protesting.
“What kind of bird are you, a cuckoo?” He pressed a hand to his gut, willing the churning to stop.
“No,” the bird bounced up, a large basket in its hand. “A stork.”
He frowned at the green fuzzy blanket A stork? This was getting weirder by the minute.
“Here’s the note that goes with it. I have to go now.”
The basket hit him waist level. Automatically, he put his hands out.
“You got it?”
The edgy panic in the stork’s voice stirred his unease. He quickly withdrew his hands. “What is it? And why are you whispering?”
“Look, mister, you have all day to figure that out. I’m paid by the hour. Take your package.”
“What if I don’t want to accept it?”
“That’s between you and the person who signed the note.”
Jack’s gaze drifted to the small white envelope sitting atop the green blanket-like covering. Something moved.
“Hey.” He backed up.
The stork advanced into the room. “I’m going to set it down right here.”
Jack grabbed the bird’s arm midway to the floor. “Flip back that covering.”
“That’s beyond my job description.”
“So is singing. Flip it back.”
“I’m going to ignore that remark.” The bird snatched back its arm. “Okay, but you hold the basket.”
“What do you think I am, stupid?”
“I don’t know you that well, but if you want me to guess—”
“Show me what’s in the damn basket, or take it with you.” What the hell was he doing talking to a walking cartoon? He kicked the door shut, blocking any chance of escape. A strange gurgling sound came from the basket. “Now.”
“Okay, but whatever’s in there won’t change anything.”
The bird had breasts, he realized. Full and round, they rose and fell under the absurd yellow feathers as she cradled the basket to her waist.
He shook the sudden and irrational urge to see her face and pointed to the basket. “Let’s see.”
He heard her intake of breath. Her breasts rounded high, and her small yellow-gloved hand hesitated at the edge of the blanket. “Do you want to read the note first?”
He glared at her. She shrugged and gently folded back the blanket.
He blinked. Eyes closed, a towheaded baby drooled in its sleep. Jack was hallucinating. That had to be the only explanation. He glanced up at the bird. Its shiny yellow beak and bright plastic eyes were aimed at the baby.
“What is it?” he asked.
The beak raised with an exasperated sigh. “Keep your voice down.”
“Is it yours?”
“No, it’s not mine.” She tried to push the basket at him. “I’m just the messenger.”
He took a step back. And then another. “Well, it’s not mine.”
She paused, the beak only inches from the basket. “It-looks like you.”
“Give me that note.” Jack snatched the envelope, his knees getting a little weak.
The card was plain and white. In feminine-looking pink script it said It’s your turn to be a parent, Jack. Take care of Sam.
He flipped the card over. It wasn’t signed. This had to be meant for some other Jack. His brain scrambled for any possibility that the child was his. But he’d been deep in the Amazon jungle for the past three years. And although he hadn’t lived the life of monk while down there…
“There’s been a mistake.” He tried stuffing the card back into the envelope and succeeded only in mangling the note and getting two paper cuts. He shoved the message at her.
She sidestepped him and set the basket on the bed. “Oh, no. My job is done.”
“You can’t leave that here.”
“Yes, I can.” She headed for the door.
He jumped in her way. “Take off that costume.”
“Excuse me?” She dodged him on the right.
“I want to see what kind of woman would leave her child with a stranger.”
“What?” She stopped and spun on him, her padded yellow belly still jiggling from the motion. It suddenly struck him how funny this would be if the situation were different—if it were happening to someone else.
“Oh, no. I’m not falling for this.” She got to the door and her hand hesitated on the knob. “What did the note say?” she asked slowly.
Jack walked over and handed it to her. From the tone of her voice, her curiosity seemed both reluctant and genuine. What exactly was her role in this sick joke? He didn’t know what to think. But he wasn’t going to find out a thing with that foolish getup masking her expression.
“Could you take off the, uh…” He gestured at the ridiculous head gear.
“What?” She touched the beak. “Oh, yeah, it’s getting hot under here.” She gripped the edge of the material and bending slightly forward, pulled off the feathered helmet.
A thick rope of black hair flipped into the air before falling heavily across her cheek. She threw back her head and the disheveled ponytail settled on her shoulder. Dark spiraling tendrils framed a pair of startling green eyes that gleamed with distrust. She aimed them squarely on him.
“You really don’t know that baby?” she asked, her gaze darting to the basket. She yanked off one of the gloves and with a pale slender hand, brushed away the strands of hair clinging to her face.
“Not at all. Where did you get him?”
“It’s a him?” Smiling, she moved closer to the bed and peered into the basket. The baby peeked out of sleepy eyes and raised a tiny fist in the air.
“His name is Sam.” He pointed to the note she still held in her hand.
Her eyes stayed glued to the baby. “But is that Sam as in ‘Samuel’ or Sam as in ‘Samantha’?” “Samuel, I guess.”
Her gaze met his. “So, you do know the baby.”
“No, damn it. I’m simply assuming it’s Samuel.”
“Why would you do that? He could be a she.”
“It doesn’t matter. We’ll just call it Sam.”
“It?” She put a hand on her hip as her gaze roamed his face. Her eyes, a crisp cool green as clear as finespun glass, told him as plainly as the tiny beauty mark showed at the corner of her mouth, just what she thought of him.
Well, he’d been called scum before. He scratched his stubbled jaw. He hadn’t shaved in two days, and he was three weeks overdue for a haircut. No doubt he looked like hell.
Tough. He hadn’t been expecting company. Stephanie wasn’t due until tomorrow.
Stephanie? “Oh, hell. You gotta get this baby out of here.”
“First, we have to find out if it’s a boy or girl.” She started to unfold the note.
“How are we going to do that?”
Her hands stilled and she looked up at him with those incredible green eyes. “You’ll have to look.”
He nodded, and started toward the baby. I’ll have to…Stopping midstride, he turned a frown on her. “I’m not going to look.”
She stared down at the unfolded piece of paper, before shock, then anger widened her gaze on him. “You are the father.”
This was worse than a hangover. “I am nobody’s father. Someone has made a very big mistake.”
Her eyes grew brighter by the second, a faint pink seeping into her complexion. With an impatient hand, she pushed an escaped lock of glossy black hair off her face. “You are a despicable excuse for a human being.”
The satiny darkness of her hair was a remarkable contrast to her eyes and fair skin. And it occurred to Jack that this wasn’t the time to be noticing how pretty she was. But despicable? “Lady, you’re jumping the gun here—”
“This poor baby…” Her voice had started to rise and she quickly lowered it. “This poor innocent—”
It was too late. Sam scrunched up his—or her—face and let out a yowl. The bird lady’s look of horror slid into anger as her gaze moved from Sam to Jack. “See what you’ve done?”
“Me?” Jack pressed fingertips to his throbbing head and briefly closed his eyes. “Well, pick it up or something.”
“You do it. You’ll need the practice.” She cast an anxious glance at the baby, her yellow-gloved hand intertwining with the bare one.
He’d wait her out. Jack knew she wouldn’t let the baby cry for much longer. He hooked his thumbs into the loops of his jeans and braced himself against the unfamiliar noise.
Her eyes followed the action of his hands, then lingered on his bare belly. He had scarcely resisted the urge to suck it in before she raised her gaze to his.
She blinked. “I’ll get the baby. You put on a shirt.”
He grinned. “Yes, ma’am.”
She gave him a scathing look as she bent to scoop up the infant. “My name is Dani. Not that I’ll be around long enough for you to use it”
“Right. You’ve got to return the baby.”
Sam quieted as soon as Dani hugged him to her breasts. He grabbed a fistful of the yellow feathers poking off her shoulder and issued a gurgling sound.
She made a face. “I think your son is wet.”
“Damn it. He’s not my son. I’ve never seen this kid before in my life.”
“How old is he?” she asked as she rooted around in the contents of the basket while balancing Sam in her other arm.
Jack threw up his hands and glanced around the room. “All right. Where are the cameras?”
She arched a confused brow and continued searching through the basket.
“Rik put you up to this, didn’t he?”
She withdrew something rolled up and white, then turned to frown at him. Only her gaze drifted lower, toward his chest and the scowl disappeared as she caught her lower lip with even white teeth.
“I don’t know any Rik.” She turned to lay the baby on the bed. “I don’t even know who ordered the telegram. My office would.” Without looking up, she added. “Your shirt?”
He swept aside a stack of newspapers. Half of them fell off the bed onto the floor. No shirt. “What’s the phone number?”
“Um, there’s a more pressing matter here.” She held up the white cloth she’d withdrawn from the basket and dangled it in the air.
He cringed. It was definitely a diaper.
“Besides, my office will be closed by now.” She threw the diaper at him.
He caught it with a clammy hand. “I’ll give you a hundred dollars.”
“No way.”
“Two hundred.”
She sneered with disgust. “Here you are ready to throw your money around and I bet you haven’t paid one penny of child support.”
Jack shook his head. This wasn’t really happening. He was in a drunken stupor, dreaming the entire thing, being punished for having doubts about his upcoming marriage.
Oh, hell. “You don’t understand,” he began, forcing himself to smile. He laid a conciliatory hand on her arm. “I’m getting married in two days.”
Her eyes widened. Her mouth formed an O. She clamped it shut and drew her eyebrows together. “To Sam’s mother?”
She was even prettier up close like this. Her skin was flawlessly smooth, her nose slightly upturned. Almost a head shorter than he, she looked up with such earnest hope that for an instant he felt like saying yes.
“No,” he said, with ludicrous regret.
She snatched her arm away and managed to nab the diaper from him as well. “You really are—are—”
“Despicable?” He drove a weary hand through his shaggy hair. “Yeah, I know. Look, I’m not sure how I can convince you that I’m not this kid’s father, but the most important thing is taking care of Sam. Agreed?”
She’d already started removing the wet diaper, but she gave him a grudging sidelong glance and a small nod.
“I mean, I could accuse you of abandoning him just as easily,” he said, and her head shot up, her eyes like twin green daggers. He lifted a palm to silence her. “But I’m not. I believe you don’t know any more than I do.”
Oddly, that was true. There was no tangible reason for him to trust her except she hadn’t already deserted the child or him. And then there were her eyes. They shone so clear and guileless, he didn’t think she could hide anything in them.
He smiled wryly, and told himself he was a fool. “Show me how to do this diaper thing so that I can take the next turn.” When she slid him another wary look, he added, “Hopefully it won’t come to that.”
She still didn’t trust him. He could see that in the firm set of her mouth, in the slight puckering of her well-shaped brows. She handed him the bunched-up, soiled diaper. “You can start by taking this to the bathroom.”
His grin faded and he swallowed. “Right.”
As soon as she turned back to the baby, he held the diaper at arm’s length and hurried to the sink. After he disposed of it and washed his hands, he quickly downed three aspirin. When he returned, she was still fussing with the new diaper.
“Do you know what you’re doing?” he asked, narrowing his gaze at the lump of mangled cloth. He was no expert, but he’d bet twenty bucks it wouldn’t stay put.
She wrinkled her nose, started to fasten one corner, then quickly changed the angle of the safety pin. “You think you can do better?”
“You don’t know, do you?” He stared in disbelief at her reddening face.
Her chin lifted. “Am I supposed to just because I have breasts?”
His gaze automatically lowered to her chest. “I don’t know.”
She heaved a sigh of disgust and adjusted the front of her costume. Two yellow feathers fluttered to the floor. She placed the baby back in the basket and centered it on the bed. “I’m leaving now. Good luck with Sam, who is a he by the way.”
“You can’t leave me.” The aspirin churned in his stomach. “Not with him.”
“Watch me.”
He beat her to the door, but only by a hair. The hard doorknob bit into his lower buttock muscles as he plastered himself across her escape route.
Her face took on a fierce expression and she met him nose to nose. “Get out of my way or I’ll scream.”
“You don’t want to upset Sam.”
She blinked, and he knew he had her. A whiff of violets floated up to tease him. He breathed in the pleasant scent and took hold of her arm. It felt small and fragile under the bulky costume. He was surprised to realize that he wanted to see her without all the extra yardage and feathers.
“Let’s discuss this rationally,” he said, massaging her arm in a soothing fashion.
“I’m counting to three,” she said. “One…”
“You don’t want to do that. I’m about to be married. It’ll cause a scandal.”
“Two…”
Damn. Her expressive green eyes stared unflinchingly, clearly telling him she meant business, and his confidence slipped. “Dani?”
She opened her mouth, her tongue peeking between her teeth as she started to form the word three. So Jack did the only thing he could.
He kissed her.
