Mending the Single Dad's Heart
Автор
Susanne Hampton
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CHAPTER ONE
DR JESSICA AYERS paused for a moment to secure the weighty oversized handbag slipping from her shoulder. She needed to gain some level of composure before she stepped from the thirty-six-seat twin-propeller plane that had just endured a somewhat bumpy landing at Armidale Airport. The landing, however, was the least of her concerns, since ‘bumpy’ was on a par with the rest of her life anyway.
Drawing a deep breath to fill her lungs, she attempted to quell the rising anxiety she always felt when she arrived in unfamiliar surroundings. Constantly moving to new places was by her own design, but it still unnerved her a little and gave her an overwhelming sense of déjà-vu. One that she feared would never end. Another town. Another short-lived new beginning. In six weeks she would move on again.
Her willingness to fill in for local paediatricians on leave across the country allowed Jessica to move regularly around Australia. There was never time to plant roots or get comfortable. And that was how she wanted it to be, because neither were in her plans. Not any more. The idea of long-term in any part of her life was gone. Badly hurt, and carrying a level of shame for loving the wrong man, Jessica had decided there was no such thing as a happily-ever-after for her. She was now a rolling stone. Gathering no moss and with no ties to anyone.
And falling in love again was definitely not going to happen. It only brought heartache. And Jessica didn’t want any part of that. Not ever again.
She doubted she was strong enough to survive another disappointment, unlike her best friend, Cassey, who seemed to rush back onto the online dating scene after each failed relationship. And there had been many. Jessica wasn’t sure if that had compounded her opinion about men and love but it didn’t matter. She was over it all. She knew for certain there was no good man in her future, only heartache waiting to happen if she travelled that road again.
Jessica was not an optimist like Cassey.
She glanced up into the overcast sky. It was close to five o’clock on a June afternoon, it was blowing a gale and the cloud-covered sun was beginning to bid farewell to the cold winter day. She held onto the rain-dampened handrail with her woollen glove and quickly realised that was not the best idea. Now her glove was wet. With a sigh, she took the seven steps down to the ground, collecting more droplets of water as she held on tightly. The wind pushed and pulled at her and she struggled to keep her steps in line as she slipped off one soggy and one dry glove and made her way over to the pile of small carry-ons assembled under the wing of the plane. Space restrictions in the tiny overhead lockers meant none of the bags had been allowed in the cabin. Jessica’s was easily recognisable from the pool of small black bags and quickly she reached down and wrapped her now bare and cold fingers around the handle of the compact silver hard case that matched her other luggage. She had always liked the things she could control in her life as it helped to have a sense of order. It was a trait passed down from her father, a military man. It was a pity that was not how she lived any more. Nothing much in her personal life bore much semblance to order.
She attempted to brush away the thick wisps of her hair blowing haphazardly across her face, almost obstructing her view as she walked across the windy tarmac. Still deep in thought, Jessica put one foot in front of the other as she fought hard not to be blown away by the fierce breeze that had made their landing jerky. Her jacket had blown open and the wind cut through her thin sweater as she avoided the puddles of water. Armidale’s chill was nothing like the muggy Sydney weather she had left behind.
Silently she questioned with each of her considered steps what she was doing. Not the last hour, taking the flight, nor last month, accepting another temporary Paediatric Consultant position, ironically covering the resident paediatrician’s honeymoon, at Armidale Regional Memorial Hospital. No, instead Jessica wondered what she was doing with her life. Her lips wilted at the corners the way they always did when she allowed disappointment in herself to creep back. But a moment’s pity was all she would allow. She couldn’t afford to fall in a heap because there was no one to pick her up.
She only had herself. Her parents had both passed. Her father had died when she was sixteen and her mother three years ago. As an only child, Jessica had no siblings to turn to now, only cousins and friends, but they were all either settling down and having families or travelling the world before they settled down, married and had a family. And Jessica didn’t even have a boyfriend, nor would she ever again. Marriage wasn’t in the stars for her. She’d thought it was, she had even wandered into wedding gown boutiques to gaze at the stunning white lace and satin creations hanging in rows and pictured which one she would wear when she walked down the aisle to Tom, the man of her dreams.
She had always imagined a flower girl and a pageboy and a stunning bridal bouquet of white roses and a quaint church with the setting sun shining softly through the stained-glass windows. And her groom waiting at the altar, where they would hold hands and make a commitment to love each other for the rest of their lives. But not any more because trust was the foundation of marriage and Jessica didn’t trust men. They lied, they made promises they couldn’t keep and they broke hearts, sometimes more than one at a time, with their actions.
Biting the inside of her cheek, Jessica dragged her bag into the small terminal. With no romantic dreams, she had to make the best of what she did have and that was a six-week placement in a hospital in the middle of country New South Wales. She’d not worked in a rural city or large country town, and Armidale had been referred to as both. She tugged hard on her bag to lift it over the slight step. It wasn’t a particularly heavy bag, as her shoes, clothes and other belongings were packed into her checked luggage; she was just taking out frustration on an inanimate object and potentially using more force than was logically required. Just as the wind outside had been doing to her. Jessica Ayers was being a little unnecessarily rough. It was that simple. She wasn’t as patient as she had once been with people, and definitely not with awkward carry-on-sized suitcases.
The weather outside had made her feel as if she had flown in on a broomstick but she knew she would settle in a day or two. She always did. Adapt to her new environment but not stay long enough to get close to anyone—that had been her modus operandi for close to a year. It was getting more difficult each time and Jessica had begun to admit to herself that she was growing tired of running. Now she was facing yet another new beginning that wouldn’t change a thing or bring her close to being the person she had once been: an optimistic young doctor who loved life and thought she had found the man to love her as much as she loved him.
It had been twelve months, and her heart was still numb and her mind racked with shame for almost tearing a family apart. A family she knew nothing about. She couldn’t come to terms with what had happened, nor could she settle her feelings and, as a result, herself geographically. Was she the victim? Or the perpetrator? She still wasn’t sure. But the one thing she was sure of was the need to keep moving. Although the disappointment she felt still followed her wherever she went. Disappointment in the man who had deceived her and deceived his wife. And disappointment in herself. She no longer trusted her own judgement.
The idea that she had been the other woman tore at her core. Upsetting thoughts about herself and how she should have known better had a way of creeping into her mind and pitching a tent. She felt physically sick when images of Tom making love to her crept back into her mind. The man who, unbeknown to her, had a wife and children waiting at home for him. Each time she moved town she hoped the change of scenery and distance from Sydney, where he was still playing happy family, would hasten some level of amnesia around her actions or perhaps just help her to find acceptance that she couldn’t change what had happened and allow her to move on. But that was yet to happen.
Dr Jessica Ayers would spend the next six weeks in a country town where she knew no one and no one knew her. Armidale was not her forever. It was just another stopover, a place where she could hide from the rest of the world until she knew what she wanted to do with her life. A life that would never have the happily ever after she had once thought she had all wrapped up with a perfect bow.
Jessica accepted there was no fairy tale ending for her. She would only have herself and her regrets...and the wish that one day she could learn to trust herself again.
But she doubted that would ever happen.
‘Oh, God. Oh, no.’ Lost in her maudlin thoughts, Jessica didn’t notice, until she felt the bump of her carry-on bag landing on the ground, that she had run over the man’s foot as she had struggled to get inside the terminal building. Looking down, she noticed the highly polished leather loafer with a damp imprint of her wheels. ‘I’m so sorry—I didn’t see you.’
‘It’s fine,’ the deep voice comforted her, adding, ‘I’m pretty sure nothing’s broken.’
She looked up to see the stranger’s lips curve to a half smile. She couldn’t help but notice his vivid blue eyes harboured a smile too. Jessica doubted that her actions would have brought about his reaction. Running over someone’s foot could not ordinarily incite a happy response. No, this man looked like someone who had found a bowl of cream and had been swimming in it. His happiness was palpable but she wondered how deep it ran. A new love affair, perhaps? His looks would no doubt have most women swooning. A player with his choice of women to keep that smile firmly secured on his chiselled face, she surmised with absolutely no evidence. She didn’t need hard cold facts. Dr Jessica Ayers was ready to judge then quickly hang, draw and quarter each and every man who crossed her path. But, despite her misgivings about the male population, including this stranger, she knew he deserved an apology.
‘No, really, I’m sorry. I should’ve been more careful.’
‘Accidents happen. Honestly, don’t give it another thought,’ he told her with that same smile that once again made his blue eyes sparkle like sapphires against his lightly tanned skin. Perhaps the happiness wasn’t a mask. It was emanating from somewhere deep inside. Resonating from his core, his very being, and it was the most genuine smile that Jessica thought she had ever seen. No, not thought, knew. Jessica had never before seen a smile quite like his.
Without saying another word, he walked away, leaving her standing alone and a little stunned, breathless and wondering what on earth had just happened. Looking down at her feet, she shuffled nervously as she tried to bring herself back to reality. And gain some perspective on the situation. A man about whom she knew nothing except he was handsome and had stylish shoes, now with an unfortunate wet tyre imprint from her bag, had taken her breath away.
Why would she be reacting to a complete stranger that way? Or any way? She should have dismissed him as she did all men, but she hadn’t. It didn’t make sense. There was something different about him. Perhaps his reaction, perhaps something else. She wasn’t sure. Edging closer to the baggage carousel, Jessica was a little confused about why she was giving the man more than her usual thirty seconds of considered disdain. Her curiosity about the source of his happiness lingered in her thoughts. It didn’t seem put on; it seemed so real.
The call for passengers travelling to Sydney to make their way to the departure gate suddenly brought her back to reality with a thud. The reason for the man’s happiness wasn’t her concern. She had enough on her plate without thinking about anyone else. She needed to collect her luggage and make her way to the real estate office to collect the keys to her rental. It would be a tight timeline as the office closed at five-thirty. But she couldn’t help but watch him walk over to the other side of the small terminal along with the other passengers. She told herself it was her need to find the luggage carousel and not curiosity that had made her eyes follow him. Gingerly she made her way there too. Looking around, Jessica saw families hugging, reunited lovers kissing and a few like herself standing alone with no one to greet them.
There was no one waiting to greet him either.
That she kept noticing him was beginning to irritate her. She assumed it was because he was the first person she had spoken to since arriving at her new temporary home and the first man she had run over with a suitcase. She was definitely overthinking everything she decided and purposely looked away.
Within moments an array of suitcases, predominantly black with an occasional colour variation dotted among them, and oversized backpacks began to push their way through the grey rubber flaps and onto the carousel. A pushchair appeared and even a surfboard. The terminal was too small to have a separate oversized items area. Quickly her fellow passengers retrieved their bags while still chatting to their companions. One by one they began to exit the terminal. She spun around and found the handsome stranger had gone too. She wasn’t sure why, but she wished he was still there. Strangely, his disappearance made her feel alone again.
Jessica pulled her concentration back to the job at hand. Finding her bag and doing it quickly so she wasn’t homeless that night. With concern mounting, she watched as the carousel emptied one case at a time until there were none in sight. And no one still waiting empty-handed like her. Her stomach fell as she moved closer to the rubber slats. She peered through to see no more bags waiting to emerge. Anxiously her eyes darted about as she chewed the inside of her cheek again. It was becoming a habit she knew she had to shake. Looking out to the tarmac through the expanse of floor-to-ceiling windows, Jessica could see the bags for the next flight out of Armidale being loaded into the plane. The same plane in which she had arrived. It was a one plane airport. There was no more luggage being taken off. She had to accept her bags had clearly never made it onto the plane in Sydney. Or they’d made it onto another plane heading for God alone knew where, the idea of which was far too upsetting for Jessica to consider at that time.
The only possessions she had with her were the contents of her handbag, her laptop and some notebooks tucked inside her carry-on.
A rising sense of loss surged through her and almost brought her to tears. She had no belongings...not even a toothbrush...nothing and no one in the world belonging to her.
Jessica was once again reminded that she was alone. In a strange town far from the place she’d once called home.
Dr Harrison Wainwright stepped from the Armidale Airport terminal and into the now darkening car park. It was cold and crisp, the way he liked it. He had sorely missed the clean fresh country air. It was still damp from a light shower before they’d arrived and that made it even better in his mind as it more readily carried his favourite scents of hay and eucalyptus. He paused for a moment to fill his lungs like a man who had been starved of oxygen. Winter in Armidale was his favourite time of year and he didn’t try and mask his happiness. Los Angeles was not his type of town at any time of the year and six days breathing air heavy with smog was six days too many.
With the Sydney Morning Herald newspaper he had picked up at the airport that morning tucked under one arm, he steered his suitcase to the cab rank. Harrison was conscious of the lightness of his steps, despite having just had his foot run over by the pretty stranger inside the terminal. Perhaps more than merely pretty, he mused. Beautiful was closer to the mark, he decided as he allowed his mind to slip back momentarily to when he’d noticed the emerald hue of her eyes, the softness of alabaster skin and ash blonde hair that skimmed her shoulders. The windswept curls that framed her heart-shaped face.
But there was something behind her eyes that struck him and played on his mind as he waited for the cab. She was stunning in an almost hauntingly sad way. A little lost. She was not from around the town he called home. She must be travelling through or visiting.
He pushed the image of her face and the questions he had about the purpose of her travelling to Armidale from his mind. He was not going there again. Curiosity about a beautiful stranger in his town had completely changed the course of his life once before. And almost ruined it. Not to mention threatened his sanity over the years. He would never let himself travel that path again. He was finally closing that horrendous chapter and was ready to move on. It had been five years of something close to hell but he had emerged and would never let his heart rule his head again. He was finally happy... Well, his new version of happy.
With his chin jutted in defiance he waved down the cab that was approaching and banished the stunning stranger’s face from his mind. Finally, he was back home with the outcome he had so desperately wanted. And nothing and no one was going to steer him off course again.
With the custody papers in hand and the signed divorce papers on their way to him in the coming days, he would soon be officially a free man. It was as if a burden he had carried for so very long had disappeared overnight. Nothing could make him happier than the knowledge that now he could move on without the possibility of one day losing his son in a custody battle. No threat of his son living across two continents. No arranging proposed maternal visits that never eventuated. No more explaining to the five-year-old boy why his mother promised to visit and never did. He could finally look into his son’s innocent blue eyes and know Armidale would be their forever home. And Harrison Wainwright was determined to be the best single dad possible.
He pushed away the surge of anger that threatened to ruin his victory. He had what he wanted and he had to let the hurt and broken promises go. He was determined to release the sadness and disappointment that had consumed his waking moments for years. But Harrison was a realist and he knew it would take time.
Being in a relationship would never again be an option for him. From that day forward, it would just be Harrison and Bryce. There was no need and no room to invite anyone else in their lives. His house and his heart were full.
And he would never risk his son being hurt again.
