Our Dirty Little Secret

Tuli

When I confessed to my best friend that I wanted to get better at socializing, I didn’t exactly have a party in mind. As we neared a house I didn’t recognize, my anxiety started to bubble up.

“Meg,” I said, wrapping my arms around myself, “can we just go home? I really don’t want to do this.”

Megan, who had been practically bouncing towards the entrance, stopped and turned to me. She looked puzzled as she started to twirl a strand of her long black hair around her perfectly manicured fingers.

“Why?” she asked. “Don’t tell me you’re second-guessing your outfit now. You said you wanted to wear it.”

Her words made me tug at my skirt, making sure it was still covering my butt. Despite my protests about going to a random house party, she had managed to drag me to the mall to pick out an outfit.

For some reason, I thought a sheer black blouse and a high-waisted skirt that ended just a few inches above my knees would boost my confidence.

I was clearly mistaken.

I tried to keep the annoyance out of my voice as I replied, “No, it’s not about the outfit, Megan. You know I’m not comfortable in big crowds.”

She pursed her glossy lips, her hazel eyes studying me.

“Listen, Tules,” she said gently. “I know you struggle with socializing, but you said you wanted to stop being a wallflower. The best way to conquer your fear is to face it head-on.”

She took my hand and gave me a reassuring smile. “It’s not as scary as you think. Trust me. Now, take a deep breath,” she instructed.

I closed my eyes and inhaled sharply through my nose, holding it for a moment before exhaling. “Good,” Megan encouraged. “Now, give me a smile.”

I gave her a quick grin, and she nodded approvingly. “You can do this, Tuli.”

Megan led me to the front door, which was already open.

She stopped, letting me go in first. True to my clumsy nature, I tripped over a step I didn’t see and squealed as I started to fall.

To my surprise, a pair of strong arms caught me just before I hit the floor. The cool, smooth feel of leather brushed against my face, and I looked up to see who my savior was. And boy, was he a sight for sore eyes.

The first thing I noticed were his full, pouty lips surrounded by short stubble.

I was captivated by his almond-shaped chocolate eyes, framed by his shaggy hair of the same color. I could feel the firmness of his muscles under my fingertips as I ran my hands down his chest.

I watched his nostrils flare as we locked eyes. His warm and comforting touch almost made me forget that this was happening in real life and not in a dream.

My cheeks turned red as I mumbled an apology and wriggled out of the handsome stranger’s arms. He blinked rapidly, as if he too had been momentarily lost in a dream.

His reply was short as he helped me up. “Watch where you’re going.” Then he walked away.

I stood there, stunned, as Megan came up behind me. “Jerk,” she muttered, glaring at his retreating back. She gave me a comforting smile. “Don’t let him get to you. Let’s go get some drinks.”

As we ventured further into the house, the stench of alcohol and cigarettes hit me, and I had to resist the urge to cough as we passed a couple of smokers. The hallway led to the living room, dimly lit by the flashing of multi-colored lights.

The floor pulsed beneath us as the blaring music from a nearby speaker filled our ears.

The room was packed with people, some grinding against each other to the beat of the music. Others were leaning against the walls, chatting casually. I watched as a tall, muscular man with short, dark hair approached a petite blonde.

He leaned in to whisper something in her ear, but she pulled back, a look of disgust on her face. I could almost feel her discomfort as she turned and hurried away from him, ignoring the scowl he shot at her.

Megan led me to the kitchen, where people were either playing beer pong or standing around gossiping. I waited as Megan filled a Solo cup with beer from the nearby keg and handed it to me. I took it hesitantly, staring into the amber liquid as she led me back into the living room. As we were leaving, a familiar blonde approached my friend. My brother waved at me and winked at Megan.

Seeing him, she giggled and danced away, completely forgetting about me. I glared at the two of them as they disappeared and took a sip of my beer.

So much for not being a wallflower, I thought to myself.

I stood there, leaning against a wall, wondering if I should just leave now or try to enjoy my first party. My eyes wandered around the room.

As I took in my surroundings, I caught a familiar gaze. I looked over to see Mr. Hero on the other side of the room, surrounded by a group of girls.

But his brown eyes were focused on me. I should have felt uncomfortable under his scrutiny, but something about the way our eyes met felt natural. As if he was someone I had known for a long time.

He looked away, grinning at the short brunette in front of him, and I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. Even if I didn’t know him and even if he was a jerk, I couldn’t deny the strong attraction I felt towards him.

I laughed to myself. What kind of girl would be attracted to a jerk?

Seriously, ~I thought, ~I need to rethink my standards.

I looked back at Megan and Daniel, wrapped in each other’s arms as they swayed to the music, and I couldn’t help but smile.

It had taken a while, but my older brother had finally found his match in Megan.

Not long after I finished high school, they started dating. When I found out, I was thrilled. They were so different, but Megan was the only woman who seemed to soothe him.

Well, besides me.

At twenty, I knew I had plenty of time to find a love like theirs, but I couldn’t help feeling a twinge of envy. Some might think it was crazy, this deep longing I had to find love. But it was something I’d wanted since I was a kid.

Why? I wasn’t entirely sure.

Maybe it was because of my mom’s deep-seated resentment for my dad and us kids. Or maybe it was because my dad found a loving woman after she left. Or perhaps it was just the societal pressure to settle down and start a family.

Whatever the reason, it didn’t really matter. Apart from Megan, my brother, and a childhood friend I hadn’t seen in ages, I’d always been a bit of a loner.

Growing up, I was the odd one out. I preferred books and sketching to games of tag or climbing on jungle gyms. I wasn’t very active, which led to me being overweight.

This only added to the idea that I was some kind of freak. It didn’t do wonders for my self-esteem and only made my social anxiety worse. I let out a bitter chuckle, taking another swig of my beer.

Who am I kidding? I’m always going to be a wallflower. Maybe that’s for the best.

My gaze drifted from the dance floor, and once again, I found myself looking at Mr. Hero.

I felt a strange sense of déjà vu, but it was oddly comforting. I could feel some of the tension leaving my body as I watched him.

His eyes met mine, and I was sure he’d look away or give me an annoyed glare.

Our earlier interaction had made it clear he wasn’t interested in me, so it made sense for him to keep up the cold front.

But the furrow in his brow suggested something different. His stern expression had softened, and I found myself drawn to him again.

Maybe he wasn’t the jerk he seemed to be. An idea popped into my head.

Maybe I should try talking to him.

My hands trembled as I took another big gulp of beer before setting the cup down.

With my heart pounding, I turned to face Mr. Hero and took my first step. Then my second. I was actually doing this.

As I slowly approached him, I wondered how to introduce myself.

“Hi, nice to meet you! I’m Tuli.” Ugh, too eager.

“Hey, what’s up?” No, that didn’t sound like me at all.

I froze when a large figure suddenly stepped in front of me. My mind went blank.

I looked up to see the guy from earlier, reeking of alcohol and smoke. His eyes roamed over my body, and he smirked. I felt my skin crawl as I took a step back.

“Hey there, sexy lady,” he slurred. “Haven’t seen you around before.”

Just my luck.

Panicked, I replied, “I’m fine, thanks,” and tried to slip past him. But he moved to block my path. “Where’re you going?”

I forced a smile and looked at his chest. “I’m sorry; I need to use the restroom. Could you please move?”

“Why the rush? Don’t you like me?”

Yes.

“I’m sorry. I really need to go, please.”

“I think you should stay,” he growled, grabbing my wrist tightly.

Images flashed in my mind: my mother, her eyes filled with malice, raising her hand to strike me as I stood there, helpless and unable to escape.

Adrenaline surged through me, and before I knew what I was doing, I swung my hand out, slapping him across the face.

It took a moment for the reality of what I’d done to sink in. I pulled my hand back, feeling as shocked as he looked.

“Fucking bitch,” he spat, tightening his grip on my wrist. “No one hits me. You’re gonna pay for that.”

He raised his free hand, forming a fist, and aimed it at my face.

I closed my eyes and braced for the punch. But then I heard a cry of pain, and the grip on my wrist loosened. I opened my eyes to see Mr. Hero holding the drunk guy’s wrist.

My eyes widened as the creep tried to pull away from Mr. Hero’s grip. He let go and grabbed the drunk guy’s shirt, slamming him against the wall.

“I think she told you to fuck off,” he threatened. “If you mess with her again, you’ll have to deal with me. Understand?”

Mr. Hero let him go, pushing him away. The drunk guy stumbled out of the room, cursing under his breath.

My savior turned to me, opening his mouth to speak, but I wasn’t interested in hearing what he had to say.

I turned and ran for the nearby stairs, not stopping until I reached the top and found a dark, quiet hallway.

My fear subsided as I gasped for air, bending over to rest my hands on my knees. Then, I heard his voice. “You okay?”

Even in the dark, I could make out his silhouette and felt a wave of relief just from being near him.

“I will be,” I managed to say, my heart still racing.

“I don’t think it’s smart to be as oblivious as you’ve been,” he said, flicking on the lights so we could see each other better. “Especially if this is your first college party.”

Anger bubbled up inside me. I wouldn’t normally snap at a stranger, but for some reason, he was the exception.

I glared up at him. “What the hell is your problem?”

He glared back at me.

“You’ve needed saving twice now. That’s my issue. Do you get a kick out of being the damsel in distress?”

I was about to respond when I noticed his leather jacket was gone.

Suddenly, my attention was drawn to the swell of muscles barely concealed by his black V-neck. I also noticed it didn’t do a great job of hiding chest hair, as a small tuft was peeking out.

I bit my lip as an unfamiliar sensation started to bubble up inside me.

Part of it was definitely my nerves, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on what the rest was. I jerked my head up at the sound of his grunt and watched as a familiar emotion filled his eyes.

I scrunched my brows together, thinking hard. Then, a scene from How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days flashed in my mind.

The shower scene where Matthew McConaughey gazes into Kate Hudson’s eyes right before he kisses her. Then they start to undress each other and…

I had to cut that thought short as I felt heat rush to my cheeks. They may not have shown what happened next, but the implication was clear.

“Do you even know how to listen?” Mr. Hero tried to sound stern, but instead, he sounded winded, and I finally understood what was happening. My attraction to him was reciprocated. We had chemistry! At least, I was pretty sure we did.

I realized I didn’t want to argue with him anymore. Without thinking, I blurted out, “I’d play Damsel again if it meant catching your eye.”

My hands almost flew to my mouth as his eyebrows shot up and his jaw dropped. Shit, Tuli, think before you open your mouth!

I wanted to scold myself. I had never been so bold with anyone before, but something about Mr. Hero made me feel like I could be myself.

He shook his head, shaking off the surprise and grinned at me. “Well, I wasn’t expecting that kind of answer.”

I found myself grinning back shyly. He continued. “I’ll admit, you caught my eye the moment you tripped over that doorframe. You know you’re quite the sight, right?”

My eyes snapped to his. “What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, you’re sexy as hell,” he confessed, causing my heart to flutter in my chest.

Mr. Hero took a step closer to me, and I found myself backed against the wall. “So,” he started, his grin morphing into a smirk. “Now that you’ve got me, cutie, what do you plan to do with me?”

The moment he asked me that, I froze. Actually, I wanted to know what it felt like to be kissed. And, surprisingly, I wanted it from him.

But then, my fear of rejection came rushing back.

“I…”

What if this leads to something more? I thought.

I was incredibly attracted to him, and the thought of being intimate with him sent a shiver down my spine.

Unfortunately, though, I was, well… pretty inexperienced. I wanted to please him too, but could I?

As if he could sense my hesitation, Mr. Hero said, “You don’t have much experience with one-night stands.”

I looked into his big brown eyes and shook my head. His brows furrowed together. “Have you even had sex?”

I shook my head again, and his eyes widened. He ran his hand down his face and sighed. “I won’t pressure you into anything you’re not comfortable with. Especially if you’re inexperienced.”

I looked away from him and stared at the floor, disappointed by his reaction. If I wanted this, I needed to say it. Against my better judgment, I asked him, “Would you mind being my first?”

He was silent for a moment, taken aback by my words. Slowly, he said, “As long as you’re not drunk and you’re absolutely sure.”

There wasn’t much question about that. I knew what being drunk felt like, and I had only had half a beer. “I’m not,” I answered, “And I am.”

Mr. Hero’s brown eyes darkened. He took another step towards me, his face just inches from mine. “Well then,” he said in a low voice, “can I kiss you?”

“Yes,” I whispered.

His lips barely touched mine, soft and warm, bringing me comfort. I pressed my mouth against his, feeling the shiver intensify. I whimpered as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close against his body, deepening the kiss.

Mr. Hero guided my hands to his neck, his tongue teasing at my lips. I opened them, and his tongue slid inside, gently exploring mine.

Something hard prodded me in the stomach, causing me to break our kiss. A wave of aroused shock washed over me when I noticed the bulge in his jeans.

Mr. Hero let out a strangled laugh. “Sorry. That happens pretty quickly.

“So,” he whispered in my ear, “just to confirm again: can I be your first, Tuli?”