Discovering Us 3: Perseverance

VIOLET

Tyler is at the piano, his fingers dancing over the keys. He’s playing a song he wrote for me, the first one in years. His hair, long and unruly, falls into his eyes. Zach won’t let him cut it, he loves running his fingers through it. I can’t say I disagree.

“It’s not perfect. But it will be,” Tyler says, his hazel eyes meeting mine. I’m captivated.

“It’s pretty perfect already,” I reply from my spot on the floor.

His grunt pulls me from my memory as he finishes inside me for the second time. I force my thoughts away from him, back to Tyler.

“Fuck princess, you’re so much more than I expected.”

“What’s the name?” I ask Tyler.

“I haven’t named it yet.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“So are you.”

He flips me over, my cheek pressed into the mattress. I stare out the window, my vision filled with green. Green grass, green trees, green blurred by tears for the freedom I don’t have.

“Maybe I’ll never have enough of you,” he murmurs, entering me again. His stamina rivals Zach’s.

Don’t think about him, not now, not while he’s inside you.

I close my eyes, trying to ignore his movements but failing.

In and out, in, out.

Driving. Think about driving.

My car. The day they gave it to me.

“Come, we have a surprise for you,” Tyler says, pulling me from the kitchen chair. His smile is infectious. His teeth, white and straight. His lips, full and inviting.

~“You’ll love it,” Callum assures me as we leave the apartment.

We ride the elevator down to the garage in silence, a tension hanging in the air. My eyes dart between them. My mouth is dry as I catch a glimpse of Callum’s chest through his unbuttoned shirt. My fingers brush against Tyler’s hand.

The elevator doors open to reveal Zach, leaning against a white Mustang. I rush out, drawn to the car. The paintwork shimmers in the light.~

“What’s this?” I ask Zach. Is he trading in his car? He shouldn’t. His is much nicer.

“A congratulations for passing your test,” Zach says, holding out the keys. My keys.

“This is…insane,” I say, moving closer to the car. The interior is decked out in black and white leather. There’s a built-in satnav and heated seats.

~“This is really mine?” I ask.

They all nod.~

“Thank you, oh my god. Thank you.”

His hand lands on my ass with a loud smack. Once, twice, thrice.

“Concentrate, princess.” No. I don’t want to concentrate on you. I close my eyes.

Shut him out, don’t let him in.

He pulls me back onto him, thrusting deep. Pain radiates from my stomach.

“Fuck” I hate you. I will kill you.

He’s still inside me. I don’t react. I feel nothing. He collapses onto me, his sweaty body pinning me to the mattress as he catches his breath.

Happy place, forget him, his body, his stickiness.

You’re at home with the boys. Happy, safe, content.

Tyler, Callum, Zach. They love you.

He said he loves you.

“Clean yourself up, princess. I’ll be back after dinner.”

I don’t move when he leaves, the door clicking shut behind him. He didn’t lock it. I should check. But I don’t.

Dirty. Wash. Scrub.

Nausea hits me. I scramble to the bathroom, just in time to vomit into the toilet. My head spins as I retch until there’s nothing left.

Dirty. Dirty. Dirty.

I feel the sticky wetness between my legs. His semen. I turn on the shower, stripping off my dress. I step under the scalding water, scrubbing my skin raw as tears fall.

I scrub until my skin burns.

Scrub him off.

Get him off.

Again!

Again, he’s still there.

They’ll never want you again, you’re dirty, tainted.

Scrub.

Scrub.

I collapse to the floor, sobs racking my body. I cry into the shower. This shouldn’t be happening. He was supposed to stay away…his trial was supposed to start in a month.

I cry until the water turns cold. I’m numb, distant. I retreat into my mind. I hear nothing, see nothing, feel nothing. I’m free. As free as I’ll ever be.

This is my safe place.

I open my eyes to the ceiling, tracing the intricate design of the coving.

How did I get here?

Who put me here?

I sit up, scanning the room. The windows with the curtains open, the closet door closed, the bathroom door half-open. The old cream dresser, once filled with toys I never played with. A TV on top. The bedroom door shut as he left it.

I turn my head back. TV.

Something’s different. I sit up abruptly, the sheets falling from my bare body.

A television?

Where did that come from?

I quickly swing my legs over the edge of the bed, standing up with the intention to investigate. My feet pad softly over the lilac carpet until I’m standing naked in front of the sleek black screen. I can see my reflection.

Repulsive, filthy, tainted.

I shake my head, trying to ignore the harsh words my inner voice uses to describe me.

It wasn’t here before, I’m certain of that.

Why is it here now?

What are you up to, Henry?

The black controller is on the base. I pick it up gingerly, turning it over in my hand. It seems harmless.

I press the large oval button at the top, turning the TV on. The screen flickers to life, showing an image of Zach. No, not an image, a video.

He’s wearing a different pair of pants this time. Lounge pants. A fresh tray of untouched food sits in front of him, an empty water bottle lies next to his crossed legs. I stand there, dumbfounded, watching him breathe evenly as he stares at the camera.

“I love you,” I whisper, reaching out to touch his image on the screen.

I do love you, Zach. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I let him touch me. I’m sorry I let them touch you. I’m sorry.

Please forgive me, Zach.

“Ah! Good, you’re awake and you’ve found your gift, princess.”

I quickly turn the TV off. I know he can’t see me through the screen, but I can’t bear the thought of him watching me while Henry touches me again. It would feel too intimate, too personal.

“You don’t want to watch him?”

I do, just not with you here.

“Fuck off,” I retort, rolling my eyes at my lack of control when he smiles.

“Now, now, princess, don’t make me take away your privilege so soon.” He steps closer to me, causing me to step back.

Privilege? How is watching Zach in that room a privilege? I can’t begin to understand his twisted mind.

Carmen warned me he was messed up, but I never truly understood until now, after he did…that again.

I swallow the saliva in my mouth before spitting at him. I can only hope Tyler and Callum find us before we’re both irreparably damaged.

“Take it then,” I say, walking over to the closet, pretending not to notice his gaze on my naked body.

Slut, you’re parading around naked.

“I want you to join me for dinner, princess.”

So you can throw more things at my head?

I reach for the first piece of clothing on the rail.

It’s an oversized sweater dress that reaches down to my mid-thigh. Everything here is revealing and accessible. I scan the rest of the clothes with disinterest.

Dresses, skirts, a few T-shirts, but nothing to cover me properly. No underwear. No pants or shorts.

Easy access, most likely for him.

~“I didn’t think bras and shorts would be enough to keep you warm here.”

“What do you care?” I snap.

“I care a great deal for you, princess. You know that deep down.”

“Right, because raping someone is caring.”

“You had a choice.”

“And I chose no. I said no, but you took me anyway.”

“Your choice wasn’t whether I had you. It was if I had you willingly or by force. Consensual or rape.”

“That’s not a fucking choice,” I scream at him, knowing I’m asking for trouble. I scream every word that follows, knowing it will provoke him.

“I am not yours, Henry. I never have been and I never will be. The worst thing you ever did was send me away to them. They showed me real love and loyalty. They were kind to me and touched me gently. They taught me that I have a fucking choice. And I do. This”—I gesture between us—“what you did earlier today. That was rape. It’s illegal.”

“You are mine. You have been since you were ten. And I waited. I let you grow up before I had you. I showed you the world I brought you into. I showed you mercy so when I finally had you, you would know what was expected of you, what I liked and disliked. I taught you before I touched you.

“Don’t test my patience, princess, because I am barely holding onto my anger. I want to spank you. I want to whip your skin until it bleeds. I want to fuck that tight little ass while you scream. But I’m trying to show you more mercy because I love you.

“So don’t stand there shouting at me, don’t pretend you didn’t know what you are to me, what I expected of you. You are mine, love, and I will never let you go.”

I never thought you would let me go. And until I met them, I never wanted to leave.

“I am not yours,” I yell, stamping my foot.

He strides into the closet at my shouted words, yanking my head back by a fistful of hair. Pain shoots through my scalp as he whispers in my ear. “Did your lunchtime fuck not show you who you belong to? Do I need to fuck you in front of Zach to teach you that you are mine to do with as I please? You were never his, never theirs. You only went there to earn your keep, child.”

I stare at Henry, shocked. How dare he threaten such a thing.

If he did, if he fucked me in front of Zach, I’d lose him for good. He would never look at me the same way again.

He already won’t. Why would he want you? You’re damaged, disgusting, dirty. You’re a whore. Henry’s whore.

“Don’t you dare,” I whisper, my voice lacking conviction.

“Keep up this bullshit and I’ll choose to fuck you in front of him whenever I please.”

I look up at the man in front of me. Please, God, don’t let me anger him enough for him to fuck me in front of Zach.

***

ZACH

I stare at the TV screen Henry “gifted” me a few days ago. He’s left her alone for a week, seven days. Giving Callum and my dad the time I begged for, the time I bartered a quarter of a million for.

“They have one week. If they haven’t found us by then, I will have my girl while you watch.”

“She is not yours.”

“You are sorely mistaken, son.”

“If you touch her and come back here to me, I will kill you.”

“You won’t, not if you want her alive.”

But they haven’t found us. They should have found us. Any one of them should have been able to track me, not her of course because she’s damn stubborn, but me. That’s why I haven’t tried to escape.

Where I am, she is, and I won’t leave her behind.

So why haven’t they?

I said one week and he gave me that. I know because I’ve counted the days by his less than capable visitors and by the twenty-one meals they’ve graced me with. Meals I still refuse to eat.

She hasn’t eaten. He’s kept her drugged for half the week, lying in her bed, oblivious to what’s happening around her. But now, now I have to watch him, Henry, rape her. A deal’s a deal. He thinks it will break us, but I won’t let it.

Three times he takes her. I watch her body go limp under him after she tries to fight him off, her eyes vacant as he takes her roughly.

I’m hoping, I’m praying he doesn’t break her before I get the chance to kill him for her.