Big & Beautiful Series

The next night I was still thinking about Xander. I spent my whole day hoping he would call me again, but he never did. I knew it was foolish, but I couldn’t stop myself from wishing things were a little different. Wishing I were the confident woman I dreamed of being.

Maybe I would look him up and call him.

No, I wouldn’t do that. I could get fired for going through client files. And I didn’t need a man. I never had before, I sure wouldn’t start now.

Xander Carlson was just a blip on my radar. A momentary setback. I wasn’t going to worry about him, especially not when I had girls’ night.

Every Tuesday night, Claire, Sam, Addi, and I met up at Cooler Coffee for girls’ night. It was our chance to talk and have fun, all four of us. Most weekends I saw at least one of them, but during the week we were all busy with work. Tuesday nights we just relaxed.

For some reason I always seemed to be the last one there. Claire worked at the airport for TSA so her schedule was pretty set. Addi was a chemistry teacher and was always early for coffee dates. Sam was a brilliant photographer with gigs all over town so there was no telling what time she’d arrive. But she was always there before me.

Cooler Coffee felt a little like being at home. The sitting area ran along the front window with tables overlooking the street. It was in a part of town that catered to people walking around. The parking was horrendous, but the food and laid-back atmosphere were worth it. Sam, Addi, and Claire were already at a table in the far corner.

When I went through the door, the familiar smell of coffee tickled my nose. I stepped up to the counter, eyeing the treats in the display case as the person in front of me ordered. I’d always loved the smell of coffee and had been addicted to it for years. I never really liked the stuff though and finally gave it up a few years earlier. On girls’ night, I always ordered a hot chocolate.

And cupcakes. We had to have cupcakes.

I took my hot chocolate and twin cupcakes to the table where the others were waiting for me. I smiled and answered a chorus of hellos and dropped into my seat, the weight of my day sinking over the edge of my chair with my ass.

I already felt better being surrounded by my friends. Claire was on my right with Addi across from me and Sam next to her. I could finally forget about my day, and Xander Carlson.

“Who stole your candy?” Claire asked, her liquid emerald eyes pinning me to my seat. She’d known me long enough to be able to read my moods, something I hated at the moment. I didn’t want to talk about it.

“Nothing. I mean, no one. I just had a hard day.”

“Is Melody giving you shit again? I wish you could get her in trouble and not have to deal with her again.”

I smirked. Claire knew my innermost thoughts. “In fact, she did get in trouble yesterday. I fixed something she should have caught and has been trying to make my life that much worse since. It’s good that Diana knows how hard I work though. She won’t let anything happen to me.”

Claire rolled her eyes. Melody had been trying to make my life a living hell since I started working there five years earlier. Just out of college I didn’t have any real skills, but I had a degree and did well in my interview. Melody had been there three years before I started, and she hated me from the start.

Diana wasn’t our boss at first; we worked for a man named Oscar. Oscar was into Melody. I think something was going on between them, and he was helping to hide her mistakes. When Oscar got promoted, Melody was sure he would take her with him, but he didn’t. She was stuck at the same job while he moved on. Diana had been one of our customer service teammates before Oscar moved up. I always got along with Diana, not that we were close, but we didn’t have any issues. She knew I worked hard and wanted to do well. Melody was the opposite.

“So what did you fix?” Addi asked. She tossed her poker-straight milk chocolate hair behind her back. She had one of those trendy cuts with layers just past her shoulders that I always wished I could wear. My wavy red hair was cut similar but never looked as good as Addi’s.

As a teacher, Addi was always curious how people solved problems. She taught high school chemistry, God help her, and had tough students. Most of them were good, according to Addi, but a few didn’t like to listen to her. She was forever looking for new tools to use to resolve issues. We often traded stories.

It’s amazing how similar high school students were to adults. Both were pains in the ass.

“A guy called up and said his claim wasn’t being paid. I looked into it, and the date on the claim was wrong. It’s something Melody should have noticed. I showed Diana, and she approved the change to the claim while I was talking to Xander. It was taken care of in about ten minutes.”

They exchanged a look. All three of them. A look that I knew meant they picked up on something. What did I say? I had no idea. But something got their attention.

“Xander? And who is Xander?” Sam chimed in. I saw the smirk in her peaked eyebrow and teasing brown eyes, shadowed behind her red-framed glasses.

“Shit,” I said. How could I have been so stupid? I said his name. One fucking word and they were latched onto me like cupcakes on my ass.

Heat crept up my neck and onto my cheeks. I wanted to blame a hot flash, but the nice weather of the day before had turned cold again. It was in the thirties outside and there was no way they’d believe I was just overheated.

“Are you blushing? What did he say to you?” Claire asked.

I struggled to figure out how to get out of it. I knew it was stupid, thinking about him after one phone call. Yeah, he flirted with me more than any man ever. In my life. But that didn’t mean anything. We didn’t know each other and I knew if we ever met he would run screaming in the other direction.

“It’s nothing. He just said I had a nice voice and wished he could call me again.”

They exchanged another look, this time with raised eyebrows. They were all thinking the same thing…

“Did he call you back?”

The question. The one I didn’t want to answer because it would be admitting that, again, nothing happened. It seemed like forever, since middle school when boys entered my radar, that any time I thought something might be possible, nothing happened. I wasn’t the sort of person that got dates. Guys didn’t ask me out. If they did, they were either also fat or desperate.

I wasn’t shallow, at least I didn’t think I was. But I didn’t always find fat guys attractive. I guess that made me a hypocrite instead of shallow. I got pissed that hot guys didn’t want me but thought it was okay that I didn’t want fat guys.

Okay, so I was shallow and a hypocrite.

I shook my head and took a sip of my hot chocolate. I knew if I said the word ‘no’ they would hear the emotion in my voice and leap all over it. Too bad not speaking was just as much of a trigger.

“You wanted him to, didn’t you?” Claire asked softly.

“Fine, yes. I liked having him flirt with me. It was exciting and empowering. I know it’s stupid, but it felt good for a few minutes to have someone tell me I was beautiful and he wanted to talk to me again. I’d be a fool to think anything would come of it though.”

“You never know,” Addi added. “Crazy things happen all the time. I dream about finding someone who is a decent guy. A hot, sexy guy who comes home to me every night. Passionate sex. Lots of love, too. A few kids. The white picket fence. Maybe even a few cats.”

“Cats are overrated. You should get a dog,” Sam teased. It was an ever-present debate between us. Claire and Sam loved dogs, but Addi and I were cat fans. We argued that dogs are like men, well like men with hot women. They were always happy to see you and hump your leg. Cats were like women, full of attitude and stubborn as hell.

I always wondered if it meant Addi and I tended toward playing for the other team, but I’d never found a woman attractive, and I didn’t think Addi had either. We just liked a quiet home and a pet we didn’t have to be dedicated to.

Of course that also probably meant we weren’t ready for kids.

No, I could answer that one… I was definitely not ready for kids.

You had to have a partner for that. Or at least it was preferred. I wasn’t prepared to be a single mom.

I laughed along with my friends as they debated the good and bad points of having dogs vs. cats, chiming in as necessary to back up Addi.

“Sam, have you photographed anyone interesting lately?” I asked when the animal chat subsided.

Sam rolled her eyes. Her whole body shook like she was trying to eliminate a bad memory. “I had a bride from hell this weekend. She was every bit as horrible as I thought she would be, but she’s done. I meet with her tomorrow to review all the photographs.”

“She didn’t go on a honeymoon?” Addi asked.

Sam shook her head, her long chestnut hair falling over her shoulders, and sipped her black coffee. I don’t know how she handled that, but she said it was something she’d gotten used to. Coffee was usually a standard at photo shoots and taking time to doctor it up, or having someone else do it for you, was not possible with Sam’s schedule. She got used to drinking it black because it was never right any other way.

“Supposedly they’re waiting for the summer when the weather is a little better and then headed to California to tour the vineyards in Napa and Sonoma Valleys. I would have just waited until then to get married.”

“Me too,” Claire said. “I can’t imagine not going on a honeymoon. Even if it’s just a few days away because money is tight, I would insist we go on a honeymoon. You know, if I ever got married.”

“I agree,” Addi said. “With school I would have to wait until classes were out of session, but I would wait to get married over summer break. Plus, the summer around here is the prettiest time of year anyway.”

“Blah,” I added. “I hate summer. Maybe because I sweat so much. I would want to get married in the fall or spring when it’s still nice outside but not so hot that I melt into a pool of goo.”

“Ugh, I wish I had that choice,” Addi replied. “That’s one of the bad things about being a teacher. My time off is limited. I could always get married over spring break or even winter break, but no one wants to be in Winterville in the winter. Hell, the spring is bad enough. Did you guys hear it might snow this weekend?”

We all groaned together, frustrated with the weather. A part of me secretly loved it, but after almost six months of winter, even I was getting a little tired of it. Everyone was.

“So, Mandy, did you look at Xander on Facebook or Twitter? Is he hot?”

I rolled my eyes. The conversation about Xander had passed, but dammit Sam brought him back up. Hell yes, I’d looked him up online. About 3.5 seconds after we hung up the phone. But I sure as hell didn’t want to admit that. Even to my best friends.

“No,” I tried. I knew they’d see through me, but I had to try.

“Oh, you so did. Is he hot?”

“What’s his last name?”

“Carlson,” I answered without thinking. Sam had her phone out and was searching before I knew it.

“No!” I called, diving for her phone. She held it out of my reach while Facebook pulled up Xander’s profile.

Yesterday I was thrilled that he had a public profile and I could browse through all his pictures and updates. Xander was even hotter than I’d imagined. He looked like a model. Unfortunately there weren’t any pictures of him shirtless, but I could tell he was built. His t-shirts stretched across his muscles like a second skin, just enough to tease my eyes but not leaving much to my imagination. His smile was bright and beautiful, and when I zoomed in close, I could almost imagine it was just for me.

Not that I did that.

Much.

But as I watched my friends huddle around Sam’s phone doing the same thing I did yesterday frustrated me. I wanted to keep him to myself, like a secret crush. I couldn’t have them looking at him, seeing the truth.

No doubt they would see the same thing I did… a man way out of my league.

“He’s totally hot, Mandy. And he was flirting with you?”

The disbelief in Addi’s voice both pissed me off and hurt me. I wanted to believe maybe someone like me could actually get a guy like him, but Addi didn’t believe it, so I had no reason to.

“Yeah, I know, he’s out of my league. It’s not like I had any hope of anything happening. He has no idea what I look like. I’ll likely never hear from him again so it doesn’t make a difference.”

Claire heard the hurt in my voice and tried to do damage control. Sam and Addi traded looks of shock and uncertainty. “You never know, Mandy. He might not be like all the other hot jerks out there. Some guys are decent.”

“He doesn’t know me, Claire. I’d love to think a guy could love me, but I’m happy with my life. I don’t need a guy.”

They all looked at me like I was full of shit. I knew I was too, but I wasn’t going to admit it. Xander had stirred something in me, something that made me want to believe I could have more in my life than great friends and a good job. Something more than a lonely life with no one to come home to.

All that with one phone call. I could only imagine what he would do if I ever met him.

And discovered he wasn’t an asshole.