I Was A Bitch

I woke up in the middle of the night, my room still shrouded in darkness. I couldn’t remember when I’d fallen asleep. I reached for my phone, the screen illuminating to reveal it was 4:32 a.m. My sleep schedule was definitely off.

I wasn’t tired anymore, and I was eager to learn more about my life. I had my phone now, a tool to help me piece things together. I opened the Messenger app and was taken aback by the number of conversations.

The most recent one was with Derek, followed by a guy named Finn. Then there was Claire, my mom, my dad, and Melissa, who I assumed was Mel. The rest were names I didn’t recognize.

I had a lot of friends, or at least a lot of people to text.

I was curious about my relationship with Derek, so I opened our conversation. It felt strange, like I was snooping on someone else’s life, even though it was mine. The last message from him read: I didn’t mean that, please come back.

I scrolled up, frowning. The message before that was from days ago. I must have deleted some of our conversation because it didn’t make sense.

The other messages were sweet or funny. I wanted to congratulate my future self for snagging Derek. He seemed like a great guy, and I still couldn’t believe he was my boyfriend. We’d exchanged a lot of “I love you” messages. It seemed we were at that stage in our relationship.

Why couldn’t I remember him?

Next, I opened the conversation with Claire. She was funny, I had to give her that. But the person I didn’t recognize was me.

I’d sent messages like: I know, bitch, did you see what she was wearing! Ew! and ~Who does she think she is! She can’t talk to me like this!~

I was shocked by the other messages I’d apparently sent. Ugh, this disgusting Harrison guy tried to hit on me again, when will he finally understand I am NOT INTERESTED!

Claire would reply: Ugh, I know, he’s so clueless, the poor guy! ;)

And then there was: I got so drunk last night I don’t even remember having sex with Derek haha. Don’t worry though, he said we used protection ;)

Oh my God.

So, I’d had sex? I wasn’t a virgin anymore. I couldn’t even remember my first time. Was it with Derek? How long had we been together before it happened? Was I drunk? I hoped not.

As I read more messages I’d sent to Claire and Melissa, tears started to fall. Who had I become? Who was I?

When I finally stopped crying, I wiped my face with a tissue and took deep breaths to calm myself.

I was more confused than ever, scared, and I wanted to scream or run. Or both. Knowing who you are is supposed to be the most basic thing, but now, everything was different. I was different.

I opened the app again and noticed I hadn’t looked at the conversation with Finn. I opened it and scrolled up. The messages were all about meeting up. There were no greetings or casual conversation. It was strange.

Who was Finn? According to these messages, we met up a lot.

A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. I quickly locked my phone and set it on the bedside table.

A nurse walked in.

“Oh, you’re awake!” she said, startled.

“Yeah, I think I fell asleep early,” I replied.

My voice sounded strange.

“I’m just here for a checkup. It won’t take long. How are you feeling?” she asked.

“I’m still really confused, but physically, I’m fine. My head hurts a little sometimes and my throat is dry, but I think that’s normal?”

“Yes, it is. Have you tried standing up?”

“Not yet. I can move my toes, but I haven’t tried anything else. I don’t want to fall…”

She smiled. “Okay then, we’ll wait for Dr. Shaeffer.”

She checked my vitals, changed my IV, and seemed satisfied with the readings on the monitor. It was reassuring.

She was nice, but I was too preoccupied with the information I’d discovered to really notice.

She asked if I needed anything to eat or drink, but I declined. I was eager to get back to my investigation. She left, and I picked up my phone again. I had a new message.

So, Finn and I were close, right? He called me “weirdo” and signed off with three x’s. That meant we were close, right? Why was he waiting for me to tell him to come, unlike my best friends or Derek?

What did he mean? Who was Jerkface? What was the “mum stuff” he was talking about? Come on, memories, come back!

I closed my eyes and focused on the name Finn, but nothing came.

I laughed at his message.

I hadn’t responded for fifteen minutes. Maybe he wasn’t used to that in our usual conversations.

My phone buzzed a few seconds later.

A call.

Finn was on the line. Oh, boy! What was I supposed to do now? Pick up? I didn’t even know who he was to me. Or how I was supposed to react.

Curiosity got the better of me and before I knew it, I was answering the call and holding the phone to my ear.

“Hello?”

I heard a soft sigh.

“Lace, you can’t imagine how good it is to hear your voice!”

My heart did a little flip, which was absurd since I didn’t even know this guy. Sure, it was nice to know a close friend was alive; but there was no need to get all fluttery about it, Lacey!

“My voice is weird, right?” I responded.

I seriously needed a device to slap myself every time I said something odd or stupid. It seemed to happen in every conversation I had! I heard Finn chuckle.

“It’s a bit raspy but it’s incredibly sexy. You’re still the same quirky girl I know.”

Well, thank God; it seemed I was still somewhat myself around him! But why did he just comment on my voice being…sexy?

Was that a normal thing to say to a friend? Or was it just me?

“Haha, thanks, I appreciate the compliment.”

“I’m always here for you, my favorite quirky girl.”

He paused while I couldn’t help but smile, my fingers nervously playing with the covers. “So…has Jerkface visited you yet?”

“Um…”

Crap. I was cornered. Who was Jerkface supposed to be?

“I bet he put on his whole babe act and everything.”

Only one guy had visited me and called me babe so far, and that was my boyfriend Derek. So was he Jerkface? Finn sounded really annoyed about him.

Almost…jealous? Could someone please tell me who Finn was to me?

“Claire and Melissa stopped by too.” I slightly changed the subject to avoid saying something dumb.

“How sweet.”

I could almost see him rolling his eyes, which made me frown even more. “Anyway, let’s stop talking about them. When can I come over to see you?” Finn asked.

I couldn’t even picture his face.

From what I could tell, I had no photo of him on my phone and our text messages didn’t reveal anything.

“You can come by now if you want,” I suggested, although I was really nervous about it since I had no idea who he was.

“Now? But isn’t Jerkface coming at six-thirty?”

Was he? He hadn’t mentioned it. So, admitting that Derek was Jerkface.

“I don’t know, he didn’t tell me. He had to leave when my doctor came in.”

“Oh! Well, I won’t risk coming then. Text me when it’s clear.”

Clear? What did he mean by “clear”? Was he planning to visit me secretly or something? What kind of strange situation was this?

“Sure,” I said, not wanting to think too much about it.

“So, how have you been since you woke up, Lace?” Finn asked with the most caring voice ever.

“Mostly really confused,” I answered honestly.

I didn’t know why, but I felt like I couldn’t lie to him. Like he…would know, somehow. Besides, it was completely normal to feel confused after being in a coma for two months.

I didn’t want to tell him, or anyone, about my missing two years until I figured out what had happened during that time and what the trigger event could be.

I had this feeling that if people knew, they would just act differently around me or take advantage of the situation. Suppose during these two years, I had managed to become class president.

What if I told everyone I didn’t remember anything? They would definitely take my place. Or not even mention it to me.

What if they had some secrets I was supposed to know?

There was no way I could tell them about my memory loss for now. I had to figure it out first. And if that wasn’t possible, we would resort to the truth. But only then.

It was a strange plan, but it was mine and I intended to stick to it.

“Well, I’ll help you catch up on the two months you missed when I get to the hospital, okay?”

If only he knew I had two freaking years to catch up on!

“Thank you, Finn.”

Silence.

“It’s the first time you’ve said my name without...fearing getting caught,” he said after a moment.

I frowned. What.

“Oh, well, there’s a first time for everything I guess... And no one’s here.” Was that the right response?

“In that case, how about phone sex?”

My eyes widened but I froze, the phone still pressed to my ear. Phone sex? What the hell?

Please, old Lacey, tell me you weren’t a prostitute and Finn was somehow a client of yours. Oh God.

“Lace? I was joking, you goof. Did you forget about my twisted sense of humor while you were in your coma? I’d be really offended.”

“Sorry, I um, dropped my glass of water and had to clean it up...” I lied.

“Lace... are you okay? You know you can’t lie to me. What’s wrong? Is it Jerkface? Is he there?”

“No, no one’s here. I was just...” I sighed. “Forget it.”

“I want to see you, Lace. I missed you too much. And I couldn’t even visit you often. Unlike that jerk, ugh, I hate him so much! He was there, pretending to be all loving and caring when we both know who he really is.”

I swallowed hard. So many questions were swirling in my brain; it was worse than a Pretty Little Liars episode and a puzzle combined.

What did Finn mean by that? I knew I was supposed to understand the meaning of it, but well, I didn’t, of course. Stupid memory loss.

“I’ll shoot you a text when I can, okay?” I said, hoping that would be enough for him.

“Sure.” His voice was warm, like he was smiling. “You know, you’ve missed a ton of that celebrity gossip you’re so into. Want me to bring my laptop so you can get caught up?”

I still loved celebrity gossip! Finally, something my sixteen-year-old self could handle.

“Absolutely!”

He chuckled.

“You sound more excited about that than seeing me, Lace-bear.”

“Well, when you become as interesting as the Kardashians, maybe I’ll rethink my priorities.”

He laughed again, and I knew this was a response my current self would have given. It was a bit of a gamble, but I was relieved to find that I was still the same person in some ways. At least with Finn.

It had felt so different with Claire, Melissa, and Derek!

“Okay, I’ll just have to start a modeling career to keep you interested. And we both know I could.”

So... he was attractive? Was he joking?

“Don’t get a big head.”

There was a knock at the door. “Someone’s here, I gotta go.”

“But I wanted to chat more! You don’t even know about One Direction! My sister was a wreck for days!”

“It’ll have to wait, I really need to go,” I insisted, hearing another knock. “Hold on!” I called out.

“Okay, okay. Catch you later, Lace-bear. I love you.”

And just like that, he hung up, leaving me more puzzled than ever.