Yuletide Redemption and The Pastor's Christmas Courtship
Autor
Jill Kemerer
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41
Chapter One
Sam Sheffield curled his fingers around the wheelchair’s hand rims and, for the first time in months, tried to fight his bitterness rather than lingering in self-pity. His prayers had gone unanswered, but his family was right. He had to accept his limitations and move forward.
But how?
The bank of windows showcased maize leaves drifting to the deck. Sunshine glinted off the blue waters of Michigan’s Lake Endwell. A stunning day in late October. He still loved the lake. At least the accident hadn’t taken that. Too much had been stripped away almost a year and a half ago, though. He’d yet to step foot in his auto dealership. Couldn’t imagine running the business from a wheelchair.
A knock on the door made him flinch. It must be the woman his sister had mentioned last night. Claire had advised him in her gentle-but-firm tone to be on his best behavior, that Celeste needed a new start. What Claire hadn’t said had come through clearly—his family was tired of doing everything for him. It was bad enough Claire had hired a caregiver without his permission, but the bomb his brothers had thrown out yesterday? Turned his blood to ice. He wouldn’t think about it. Not now, anyway.
Sam rolled across the hardwood floor. He had no need for a caregiver or personal assistant or whatever his sister wanted to call her. Sure, Claire claimed it was the only way Celeste would stay in the cabin next door for free. But whatever had happened to this girl couldn’t compare to what he was going through.
Leaning forward, he winced at the tremors in his leg and opened the door. A willowy brunette stood before him, and Sam moved back for her to enter. With her face shadowed by long dark hair, she took a few tentative steps his way. He held out his hand. “Sam Sheffield.”
“Celeste Monroe.” Her grasp, like her entry, was elusive, as if she wanted to be as invisible as possible.
He tried to catch a glimpse of her face, but her tucked chin and curtain of hair didn’t give him much to work with. Spinning the wheels around, he headed to the oak table. “Have a seat.”
She obeyed, not bothering to look his way.
“I saw the moving truck earlier.” He splayed his fingers on the smooth wood. “I take it Claire’s cabin is working out for you?”
“It’s perfect.” Celeste pushed her hair behind her ear. Deep brown eyes, nervous, glanced at him.
His breath caught in his throat. She’s beautiful. “I’m glad you like it.”
She smiled, revealing slightly misaligned teeth. Only then did he notice the scars. Jagged silver lines crisscrossed her left cheek and forehead, and one slashed her chin. They in no way detracted from her unusual beauty, and he was tempted to stare, to memorize her face. She bobbed her head, her shiny hair slipping back into position.
A volley of questions flew around in his mind. How had she gotten the scars? Why did she need a new start? What had Claire left out? But the puzzle kept coming back to those eyes—they’d touched a part of him that had been buried since the accident.
He forced his attraction deep down, unreachable. What woman would want a man who couldn’t do the most basic life tasks for himself? He couldn’t protect her. He could barely take care of himself.
“How do you know Claire?” he asked.
“I don’t. Not really. She works at the zoo with my mom’s best friend, Nancy, who told your sister about my accident. A few weeks ago Nancy put the word out that I was looking for a cheap apartment. Claire said she had the perfect solution. Basically, I get to stay in her cabin for free if I help you out.”
His meddling sister. He wasn’t angry, though. Claire couldn’t help worrying about him any more than she could control her urge to help Celeste by letting her stay in the cabin.
“You mentioned an accident,” he said. “What happened to you?”
“Car accident.” The words tumbled out. “My face took the brunt of it. The first five weeks were a blur in the hospital followed by a month in the rehab center. When they released me, I was in no shape to take care of myself. I ended up moving back in with my parents.”
“How long were you out of work?”
“I never went back. Until this summer, some issues prevented me from working full-time, and my boss hired someone else anyhow. But I’m working again. Self-employed. Virtual assistant. I’m hoping to take on more clients now that I’ll have my own place.”
“The cabin’s been empty since June,” Sam said gruffly. An accident had ripped her life apart, too. And she didn’t look much older than his twenty-seven years. “Claire and her husband moved into a new house. She hasn’t had the heart to sell it. I hope she cleaned it for you.”
“She did.” Celeste cast a sideways peek his way. “You didn’t know, did you?”
“Know what?” He itched to return to the windows, to stare past the deck and lawn out to the lake, to let the peaceful view soothe the commotion stirring inside him. Did Celeste mean he didn’t know about Claire’s arrangement with her? Or something else?
“My face.”
The scars. If he wasn’t so focused on himself, he would have put it together. It explained the fragile air about her. “Why would that matter?”
“It matters to most people,” she said so softly he barely heard her.
Wanting to put her at ease, he lifted his shirt to reveal the right side of his abdomen. He had his own scars, except they’d faded to a dull red. They lashed up and down the length of his torso. “I guess we’re even, then.”
Her eyes widened, and a breathy “oh” escaped her mouth. “I’m sorry.” The way her eyebrows dipped assured him she meant it.
“They’re the least of my worries.” His physical scars didn’t bother him, but the collateral damage from the accident festered. Memories from the conversation yesterday returned with a vengeance. His brothers, Tommy and Bryan, had actually suggested he consider selling his dealership.
Sell his dream?
He balled his hands into fists. Maybe they were right. The accident had been over sixteen months ago, but he couldn’t do even simple work tasks. The first time he’d printed out a sales report, his professional goals had seemed so out of reach he’d almost thrown up. He’d printed another one since then, but within minutes he’d broken down in tears. Tears. From him, the man who never cried. But then, he wasn’t the man he used to be. He wasn’t sure he would ever be more than a broken body.
Celeste’s shoulders hunched as she picked at her fingernail. Sunlight spilled into the room, making the table glow.
“I’m glad you recovered enough to work again.” He tapped the table lightly. “I don’t know how much Claire told you, but I was in a boating accident. The propeller sliced my right side. Severed the sciatic nerve in my upper thigh. The nerve graft wasn’t completely successful.”
Just speaking those words riled him up. Why hadn’t God listened to his prayers? Half of patients like him were able to get around on two feet again. Why couldn’t he be one of them?
Well, he had been making progress. Before the slip in the shower a few months ago, he’d been walking on crutches, getting closer to graduating to a cane—working hard so he wouldn’t need a wheelchair to resume running his dealership.
Let it go. Accept it. Move forward.
“Are you dealing with any long-term issues?” Sam asked. “Beyond the scars, I mean?”
“Some nerve damage. Headaches.” Those espresso eyes met his, warming him. “Nothing I can’t handle.”
He envied her for only having headaches and scars. She had her legs. She could walk.
“When was the accident?” Sam asked.
“It will be a year on December 18.” Her attention shifted to her hands.
“The first annual Lake Endwell Christmas parade.”
“Excuse me?”
“Sorry.” Being trapped in this cottage all the time must have gotten to him. His conversation skills needed work. “The date’s stuck in my head. My aunt Sally has mentioned it about fifty times in the last month. December 18. She’s on the planning committee.”
“A parade.” Her chin lifted as she gazed ahead through the windows. He couldn’t tell if she liked or hated the idea of a parade. “A nice distraction. I’ll be honest—I’m dreading the date.”
A twinge of guilt pressed against his chest. Her accident may not have taken her legs, but it obviously had taken a lot from her, too. “I don’t blame you.”
“How did you get through yours?”
“Through clenched teeth. My family stayed with me all day.” Reminding him how much he’d lost. His brothers and sisters went on as usual while his life had been turned upside down. They either spoke in hushed tones, or they faked chipper, everything-is-fine conversations. He ignored their furtive glances and nagging for him to go back to physical therapy. After his fall in June, he’d stopped going, knowing he might never walk unassisted on both legs. The torn ACL and resulting surgery had left his right knee unstable and both legs weak.
A cane, crutches, a wheelchair—all props reminding him he’d suffered permanent damage. He would never carry a bride over the threshold. Even if a woman could see past his disability, what did he have to offer her? Not a whole lot.
“My parents will probably insist on spending the day with me, too.” Celeste rubbed her upper arm. “Your family seems nice.”
“They are nice. They just don’t get the fact I want to be alone.”
“I get it.”
She was the one person who probably did get it, and for some reason, that made him feel better.
“Yeah, well, my family is tired of me.” Sam gave her a tight smile, squaring his shoulders. “You’re the only one brave enough to be here right now.”
“I’m sure that’s not true.”
“Oh, it’s true. Ask any of them.” His family had been taking turns checking on him, cleaning, making meals, doing his laundry and anything else he needed for months. While he appreciated everything they did, he was tired of the strings attached, the incessant hints about physical therapy being at the top of his list.
Maybe they all needed a break from each other.
“Can I get you something to drink?” He wheeled away from the table in the direction of the kitchen, which was part of one wide open area along with the dining and living rooms.
“No, thank you. I’m fine.”
He opened the fridge and swiped a bottle of water. Celeste seemed quiet—easy to be around. Not too talkative or demanding. But before he let her into his world, he needed to set some boundaries. After taking a drink, he returned to the table.
“Well, we should discuss the arrangement,” he said. “Regardless of what my family thinks, I don’t need or want a nurse.”
“No one said anything to me about nursing.”
“Good. If you wouldn’t mind picking up a few groceries for me, doing some light cleaning and helping with my laundry, I think everyone will be happy.”
“Oh, no.” Celeste faced him, her brown eyes wide. Once more he was struck by her pretty features. “Claire wouldn’t be happy at all. When I talked to her a few days ago, she was quite specific.”
He squeezed the arms of the wheelchair. “What exactly did she say?”
“Physical therapy at least three times a week. I’m to drive you there and back. And...”
“And what?” He forced himself not to growl. He was going to have a long chat with his sister later.
“I’m not to take no for an answer.”
“No.”
Celeste expected the negative response, but she didn’t expect to sympathize with him. From the minute she stepped into this grand, lakefront cottage—completely wheelchair-accessible, according to Claire—she’d been fighting a losing battle. She’d agreed to be Sam’s assistant, because it felt like a God-given gift dropped in her lap. Celeste would get a rent-free home away from the whispers and all the darted looks at her disfigured face. The cabin would make it possible for her to expand her business, take on a few more clients. After all, she had other things to consider now.
She needed to convince Sam to go to physical therapy.
Sam had wheeled his chair in front of the patio door. The wall held floor-to-ceiling windows with magnificent views of mature trees, a rambling lawn and the sapphire water of the lake dancing in the sunlight. An incredible room. And the man with dark blond hair and piercing blue eyes wasn’t bad, either. The fact Sam had his own scars to heal made him less intimidating than most of the people she encountered.
Sort of.
But whether he was gorgeous or not wasn’t the issue. If she wanted to live in Claire’s cabin, she had to follow Claire’s rules. “What’s wrong with physical therapy?”
“It didn’t work.” His profile could have been etched in marble.
She thought back to what Claire told her, and something wasn’t adding up. “What do you mean?”
“All my progress was for nothing.”
“But you were making progress?”
“I’ll always need a wheelchair.” His lips drew into a thin line.
Should she continue this obviously touchy subject? If she didn’t, he might refuse physical therapy. Claire’s cabin meant a life of her own. Privacy. A reprieve from what her life had become. She couldn’t depend on her parents forever.
The plastic surgeon would reevaluate her at the follow-up appointment on December 16. Then she’d have another operation to reduce her scars. Who cared that he had already warned her he didn’t recommend further surgery? The appointment would prove him wrong. It had to.
This handsome, hurting man in front of her—the one who’d been given a crummy deal the same way she’d been—only made Celeste want her old face back more. She’d never been a supermodel, but men used to notice her and little kids didn’t ask awkward questions. She couldn’t imagine a romantic relationship in her current skin. It had been hard enough in her old one. More surgery was vital. Living here, away from unwanted attention, was, too.
She squared her shoulders. “You’re not paralyzed, correct?”
“No. Not paralyzed.” He flexed his hands. “I slipped in the shower back in June. Tore ligaments in my right knee. Had to have surgery on it.”
Her heart tightened at all he’d been through. Lord, I’m sorry for all the ways I pity myself. Please help Sam.
“Claire mentioned the possibility of using a cane.” It had been a while since she engaged in conversation this long with a stranger. She clasped her hands in her lap.
“My doctor didn’t make any promises.”
“Doctors can’t really make promises,” she said quietly. Hers certainly hadn’t. “What did yours say?”
“With enough physical therapy, I might be able to get around with a cane eventually. I’ll need a wheelchair or crutches to give my leg a break when the pain gets bad.”
“I’m sorry. I take it you can’t walk at all?”
“For short periods. With crutches.”
“That’s good.” She nodded.
“I haven’t used them much since I fell.”
“Oh. Does the doctor want you off your leg so it can heal?”
He didn’t meet her eyes, but his right shoulder lifted in a shrug. “It’s less painful this way.”
Not exactly the answer to her question. “But how will you get better if you stay in the wheelchair?”
“There’s no getting better. I won’t be able to do the things I used to do. I’ll never run, ski or slam-dunk a basketball again.”
Heat climbed her neck. It wasn’t her business. She was here to help him in exchange for the cabin. Nothing more. But she really couldn’t follow his way of thinking. He refused to go to physical therapy, but without it he’d always be in a wheelchair. Hmm...
“I don’t know much about it,” she murmured.
“I don’t want to be confined to this chair, but I can’t risk permanent damage.”
“So let me take you to physical therapy.”
“No.”
“But you just said—”
“I’d give anything to walk again. Hobbling around with a cane isn’t walking. It’s a rotten consolation prize.”
“I’m really confused. You have a chance to improve your life.” She let the rest of her thought go unspoken. But you’re too proud to see a cane as an improvement.
He jerked his head to the side. “I don’t want this life.”
And there it was.
Now Celeste understood why Claire had offered an empty cabin in exchange for help with Sam. Until this moment Celeste had worried the offer was only made out of pity. But if pity played a part, Claire’s concern for her brother was clearly the bigger factor. This man had been through so much, and he hadn’t reconciled his past to move on to the future.
“What do you want?”
He didn’t answer right away, but he sighed. “I was the CEO of Sheffield Auto, our family business. Making decisions for five auto dealerships, including one of my own. Everything was going great. Then one day I go fishing with my friend, and nothing has been the same since.”
Celeste nodded in sympathy. He’d had big goals. Unlike her. Until last December, she’d been drifting along, working for an insurance agency and living in a dinky apartment. Her degree in history had been filed away in a box, unused. Lately she’d been thinking of dusting it off to become a teacher. Be the woman she could have been.
But not with these scars. She’d be the laughingstock of the school.
“My life isn’t the same, either. I don’t think it ever will be.” She focused on a chickadee perched on the deck railing outside. Another joined it and they flew off together. Escaping. Lake Endwell was her escape.
“I haven’t figured out how to move forward.” With his elbow propped on the table, his chin rested on his fist.
“Do you still want to run your dealership? And be CEO?”
“Not from a wheelchair.”
Her gut told her this man needed physical therapy as badly as she needed more surgery on her face. But how could she convince him?
“What about returning to work with a cane? You have options.” She tipped her head. “Try physical therapy again. Claire won’t let me live in her cabin unless you do.”
“My sister?” He scoffed. “She wouldn’t kick you out.”
“She would. She’s determined to get you back to PT.”
“I’ll find you another place to stay.”
“I don’t want another place.” She didn’t know why this man was touching such a nerve in her. She could live somewhere else. But the dark circles under his eyes shot compassion through her heart. She wanted him to smile. Wanted him to have hope. And her approach clearly wasn’t working. “Look, I need this.”
“Why?”
What was the saying about desperate times and desperate measures?
“I’ll show you.” She prayed this didn’t backfire as she walked out the door.
Sam rubbed his forehead as the door clicked behind Celeste. For a soft-spoken person, she sure knew how to say things that barbed right to his soul. He wasn’t angry. Wasn’t even upset. For months he’d carried a Dumpster full of excuses on why he should give up. Why physical therapy wasn’t for him.
And for what? He kicked the table leg with his good foot. This was no way to live.
If he didn’t return to work after Christmas, there would be no work to return to. His brothers had told him they couldn’t continue to help run his dealership. They each had two of their own, and they’d given up most of their free time to keep his profitable.
He would be forced to sell the dealership. They would name a new person to step in as CEO. Succeeding in this business took a hands-on approach and a special personality—one Sam used to have.
Maybe that was the real problem. He’d lost his courage. Lost his identity. Maybe it was time to try physical therapy again. His bones ached thinking about it. Getting around in the wheelchair wasn’t ideal, but it kept him from the relentless aching and stiffness PT brought on.
Besides, his weak knee could very well cause him to fall, putting him at risk of tearing open the healing sciatic nerve. He’d fought hard to regain feeling in his foot and lower leg. Portions of it were still numb. He might not be moving forward, but at least he wasn’t in danger of a permanent setback—paralysis.
The door opened with a creak. Sam sat up straighter, not believing what he was seeing.
Celeste held a dark-haired child in her arms. The baby rubbed his eyes and let his head fall back against her shoulder. He wore little navy pants and a lime-green shirt. A diaper stuck out from the top of the elastic, and his feet were strapped into tiny running shoes.
Sam’s heartbeat paused at the picture they presented.
She had a baby.
Longing for a child of his own slammed in his gut. He closed his eyes briefly, willing the futile emotion away.
No wonder she needed a new start. It all made sense now.
Celeste padded forward. “Is it okay if I sit on the couch?”
“Of course.” He followed her to the leather couch and chairs. A sweet smile graced her face as she stroked the sleeping child’s hair from his forehead.
“This is my nephew, Parker. His mom was killed in the accident.”
Sam’s mouth dropped open. Wasn’t expecting those words. A nephew. The accident. Had Celeste’s sister been killed?
“Brandy and I were best friends ever since we sat next to each other in first grade. My big brother, Josh, started dating her after we graduated from high school. They got married four years ago—Josh was deployed off and on throughout their marriage—and then they found out about this little bundle of joy.”
“I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.” His mind reeled. Here he’d been having a pity party about his leg, not realizing Celeste had lost her best friend. Her sister-in-law.
“I am, too. It breaks my heart every day knowing Brandy and Josh are missing Parker’s life.”
“Josh? Was he in the car as well?”
She shook her head. “No. He was killed overseas a few weeks after finding out Brandy was pregnant. Roadside bomb in Afghanistan. After he died, Brandy got really depressed. She was obsessed with making up a will. Of course I agreed to be Parker’s guardian, although I thought she was a little too intense about it. But here I am. Raising Parker. Permanently.”
He could barely take it in. “So your brother never got to see his baby?”
Celeste kissed Parker’s head. He slept soundly on her lap, his cheek still resting on her shoulder. “No, and it breaks my heart. I wish he could have. He would have loved his baby. I miss him.”
“Don’t you have family who could raise him?” He couldn’t imagine taking on such a big responsibility so soon after an accident.
“I want to raise him. I promised Brandy. My brother and I were close, and I consider it an honor. Besides, my parents both work full-time. They’re getting older, and they don’t have the energy I have.”
Sam hesitated. “Why is it so important for you to live in Claire’s cabin? Why here?”
Her pretty brown eyes dimmed. “I need to create a life of my own.” She wrapped her arms tightly around Parker. “I guess I need some time away from it all. Losing my brother and my best friend. Getting used to this face. It’s hard when people see the new me but mourn the old me with their eyes.”
He understood what she was saying. It was why he hadn’t left the cottage in a long time. People expected to see the Sam with a quick joke who could stand tall and play volleyball at a picnic. Seeing him in a wheelchair made them uncomfortable. Or maybe it made him uncomfortable. Maybe both.
“Yes, that’s a good way to put it,” Sam said. “I guess neither of us got what we wanted out of life.”
“I guess not.” She tugged Parker’s shirt down over his back. “But I’m going to be the best parent Parker could have in this situation. I’m going to make sure he knows everything about his mommy and daddy. Brandy would have done the same for me. And Josh—well, I’d do anything for him.”
Sam thought of his four siblings. He’d do anything for them, too.
He’d been selfish. It was time to start thinking about someone other than himself. He had an opportunity to help Celeste. And the baby in her arms.
“Okay, I’ll go to physical therapy.”
“Really?” Celeste blinked, then beamed.
Man, she was pretty. “Yeah.”
“Good. I hope you don’t mind Parker riding with us. I’m kind of all he has.”
“I like kids.” The desire for one of his own hit him again. “How old is he, anyway?”
“Just turned a year. He’s almost walking. Claire told me there are plenty of babysitters she can recommend if you don’t want him underfoot when I’m cleaning or helping you.”
“Save your money. He’s welcome anytime. It will be easier for all of us. Why don’t you give me your phone number, get settled next door and come back in a few days. We’ll work out a schedule then.”
Celeste stood, jostling Parker, and rattled off her cell phone number. He typed it into his phone. She carried the baby to the door. “Sam?”
“What?” He followed her, waiting as she stood in the open doorway.
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
A blush rose up to her cheeks. “For understanding.”
Once she left, he stared at the closed door for a long time. If she had the courage to raise a little boy and continue with her life after being in a terrible accident and losing her best friend, maybe he could find it in himself to try again.
Because he didn’t want to spend the rest of his days in a wheelchair.
