A Fling to Steal Her Heart
Auteur·e
Sue MacKay
Lectures
18,6K
Chapitres
11
CHAPTER ONE
‘ARE YOU CERTAIN you aren’t still in love with him?’
‘Couldn’t be more certain.’
Isabella Nicholson held back on saying more. Admitting the truth that she doubted she’d really loved her ex enough in the first place would be embarrassing, even if Raphael Dubois was her best friend.
Best as in she’d usually tell him everything, whenever the urge took her, even in the early hours of Sunday morning, which it was right now. Four a.m. here in Wellington, four p.m. Saturday in London, where Raphael worked at his dream job in obstetrics and gynaecology at the Queen Victoria Hospital.
Wait a minute. He’d texted to see if she was awake, and knowing she currently suffered insomnia it was a no-brainer.
‘Hey, why did you call? Not to ask about Darren, surely?’
‘Izzy, is that the absolute truth or are you afraid of the answer?’
Typical. The man never missed a beat when it came to asking the hard questions, whether of her or his patients. Yet he always ignored her questions whenever it suited him.
Two could play that game. Though she’d try once more to shut him down. ‘Don’t I always tell you the truth?’ Minus some niggling details in this instance.
‘You’re good at leaving out the specifics when it suits,’ he confirmed, chuckling so she knew he was letting go the subject of her failed marriage.
‘So what brings you to call in the middle of Saturday afternoon? I’d have thought you’d be at a rugby game with the guys.’ One of them had found the niche they were looking for—and it wasn’t her. Two years ago she’d returned home to New Zealand with her new husband, full of hope and excitement based around Darren’s promises for what lay ahead, and with the intention of finally stopping in one place and surrounding herself with family and friends. Instead, twelve months later, her marriage had crashed badly, leaving her dreams up in the air. The friends had been all his, and her parents were always busy with their own lives. Since then she’d gone back to what she was good at—moving around the world from job to country to anywhere enticing, only for a lot shorter periods than previously. A fortnight ago she’d finished a volunteers’ job in Cambodia and returned to visit her parents while deciding where next. Only she couldn’t bring herself to go just anywhere this time.
Find something more permanent kept popping into her head. Go solo on that dream of settling down.
‘I’ve been delivering triplets,’ Rafe replied. He’d settled in London, been there nearly three years, bought a house, was keeping some distance from his claustrophobic family at home in Avignon as he grappled with his own demons. He seemed content in a quiet way, which was not the Raphael she’d known most of her life.
Please be her turn next. Even if it meant remaining single, which wasn’t so bad. She was used to it. Nursing and midwifery jobs were fairly easy to come by, but after a childhood of moving around with her parents in the Foreign Service she’d hankered after settling back in New Zealand for ever when she’d married. Maybe that’s where she’d gone wrong, put too much emphasis on where she lived and not who with. So here she was, minus the husband, ignoring the hole inside that needed filling with something unrecognisable, and which she suspected had to do with love. ‘Triplets. Hard to imagine how parents cope with that many babies all at once.’
‘This couple would’ve been grateful for quads if it meant becoming parents.’ His voice fell into sentimental mode. ‘You should see these little guys. So cute, looking tiny in their incubators hooked up to monitors, giving their parents heart failure already.’
‘But they’ll be fine, right?’ He’d hate for anything to go wrong. When a baby in his care had difficulties that couldn’t be fixed he’d get upset for days, distraught for the parents, blaming himself while knowing it wasn’t his fault. She’d never been able to find out what was behind his extreme reaction that had only started over the last few years. Seemed they both kept secrets from each other.
‘For triplets they’re in good shape, though one of them is smaller than his brothers so I’ll be keeping a closer eye on him. They made it to thirty-four weeks’ gestation before the Caesarean, which means everything’s on their side. The parents had fertility issues so we did artificial insemination and, voilà, the best of results.’ Raphael’s accent thickened when he became emotional.
‘Great outcome for all of you.’ Because he would’ve been almost as invested as the expectant parents. ‘You should go out and celebrate.’
‘I’m meeting up with a couple of the guys and their better halves as soon as I’ve talked with you. What did you get up to last night?’
Huh? Her social life had never been of much interest to him before. There again, recently he had taken to expressing concern about how she was coping with getting over Darren. Worried she’d go back to the cheat?
‘I went out for a meal and a couple of drinks at the local with a neighbour.’ She hadn’t stayed out late, preferring to head back to her parents’ place rather than being eyed up by men obviously wanting one thing only.
Getting old, girl.
Or jaded.
‘Beats staying inside the four walls feeling sorry for yourself.’
Again, huh? What was this all about? ‘That’s harsh, Rafe.’ She preferred it when Raphael went all sentimental over the babies he delivered, not digging deeper into her messed-up life. ‘I’ll say it one more time. I do not love Darren. Any feelings I had for him died when I found Gaylene Abernethy’s naked body wrapped around him in our bed.’ If only it was that easy: blame Darren for everything and feel superior. But it wasn’t. She’d taken his promises about their life together at face value, colouring in the gaps with what she wanted and not seeing that he’d never aspired to the same. Though the affairs were a different story. Her husband had gone too far there.
‘That’s positive. I had to ask.’ That couldn’t be relief in Raphael’s voice. Then again, why not? The two men had never got on, were summer to winter.
‘Sure you did.’
Naturally he hadn’t finished. ‘Love doesn’t always stop the moment there’s a reason to.’ He spoke from firsthand experience. Was that what this was about? Would he finally tell her what had happened six years ago when his heart was torn out of his chest?
‘I did love Darren, though not as much as I should’ve if I was committing to “until death us do part.”’
‘Does anyone say that any more? What if you both lived till you were ninety-five? That’s a lot of marriage. At fifty who’s the same person they were at thirty, let alone in their nineties?’ asked the guy who’d signed up for ever with Cassie, only to get the boot within two years. Failed marriages were another thing they had in common.
‘Typical of you to come up with that question.’ If she fed him a little bit more about her relationship would he let it go? Not likely. This was Rafe. Neither did admitting how she’d failed come easily. She’d made a mistake marrying Darren. His promises of buying a house and having children didn’t eventuate. Instead the parties, going to the rugby games with the mates and leaving her behind, the late nights at the office not working—found that out later—the weekends away with the boys... None of it ever stopped, actually became more intense, as though he was afraid to face what he’d agreed to do with her. She’d got more morose and by the time their first wedding anniversary came around she was blaming him for everything that went wrong in her life. Not accepting that she’d rushed in on those promises without asking herself if she really loved Darren as much as she’d believed. ‘I’m fine. I made a mistake, and now I’ve put it behind me.’
‘As long as you’re sure,’ Raphael muttered. ‘I don’t want you regretting leaving him further down the track.’
‘Drop it, Rafe. We are not getting back together. It’s over.’ How many times did she have to say it?
‘Right. Tell me about Phnom Penh, then. What made you stay on an extra month?’
She’d rather talk about her ex. ‘A tragic case that I got too close to.’
‘We’re not meant to do that, Izzy.’
Tell her something she didn’t know. ‘It’s different over there. When someone’s sick or seriously injured the whole family’s involved, from great-gran to baby brother, and I got swept up in it all.’ To the point where she’d put the brakes on racing around chasing happiness while she thought about what she really wanted for the future. ‘Can we change the subject?’
‘Fine. So what’s next? A summer at the Antarctic with the New Zealand science contingent? Or a month on one of the charity ships in Africa?’
There seemed to be another question behind Raphael’s queries, but Isabella couldn’t hear what it was. Strange, given how well they knew each other—apart from those secrets. ‘Come on. I’m not that restless.’ Though the past year said otherwise. Auckland, Melbourne, Cambodia. Maybe she was more like her parents than she cared to admit, and therefore she was never going to find that permanent happy place. Nothing wrong with Mum and Dad’s thirty-two-year marriage despite rarely stopping in one place for more than three years at a time though. They just shouldn’t have brought her into the mix. ‘I spent six years in Wellington training and working as a nurse. Four more in London doing midwifery before—’
‘Oui, I get it. But right now you’ll be overthinking what you’re going to do next. Stay in Wellington, move to Africa or America.’ He paused. Then on a deep breath, he continued. ‘With your attitude about failing, this breakup will still be winding you into a tight ball of conjecture. “Where shall I live? What’s the next project to undertake? Am I more Kiwi or English?”’ He sighed, then said, ‘Tell me I’m wrong, Izzy.’
She couldn’t. That was exactly who she was. Except that family in Cambodia had changed her in some indefinable way. But she wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. Might never be. Isabella stretched the length of her bed, and tucked the thick woollen duvet around herself. ‘You’ll be pleased to know I can’t imagine being stuck on an iceberg for months on end having to rely on in-depth conversations with penguins.’ She pulled her pillow down around her neck. Autumn had thrown a curve ball today, sending a reminder of what winter would have in store in a few weeks.
‘Penguins are probably more interesting than half the people you get to meet every day.’ His laughter was usually infectious, but tonight it was sounding a little tired, fed up even.
‘Something wrong at your end of the world?’
‘No more than the usual. We’re short-staffed and it seems every female in London over twenty is pregnant at the moment.’
‘What about life outside the Queen Victoria? Love, life, laughter, those things?’ Raphael was one of the most good-looking men she knew. Women fawned over him, fell in love with him without him having said bonjour. Yet, since Cassie, he’d not had one serious relationship, preferring the love ’em and leave ’em approach to relationships—when he found time for one. At least he didn’t promise anything else and always warned the women he wasn’t looking for a partner. In fact, he was so kind and careful about his approach they all still thought he was wonderful long after he’d said au revoir.
‘Don’t know what you’re talking about.’ At least his laughter was genuine now. ‘Haven’t got time for much than work and study.’
‘That sounds as pathetic as my life right now.’ What a scintillating pair they made.
‘You think?’ Raphael took a long, slow breath. ‘Crunch time, huh, Midwife Nicholson? For you, not me,’ he clarified.
‘You sure about that?’ she grumped, hating him for making her face up to what was bothering her.
‘It’s not me lying awake for hours every night trying to put the pieces of the puzzle back together.’
‘You’re right, and don’t you dare gloat,’ she added in a hurry. ‘I do have some decisions to make.’
‘Starting with?’
That was the problem. She didn’t know where to start. ‘Where to live?’
‘What’s wrong with where you are?’ Straight to the point, as always.
‘If I’m staying here I need to buy a property and get stuck in making it mine.’ Isabella sighed. It was the truth, just not all of it. Try again. ‘Funny how I always thought of Wellington as home and yet it doesn’t feel like that.’
‘You haven’t exactly been happy there in the past. We all need some place to call home, but it doesn’t mean we have to settle there if we’re not getting what we require from it. Like me and Avignon.’
Yeah, where he got too much of what he wanted. ‘Now there’s an interesting city.’ The ancient wall surrounding the city centre, the old fort on the other side of the river, the famous Pont d’Avignon. The history had drawn her, made her yearn to belong somewhere, to feel a part of something—and so when Darren came along she’d moved back to Wellington with him. Except now she’d probably leave again. Something was missing. With the city? Or inside her? ‘I think I want to get back to friends who know me and where I’ve come from.’ Maybe even where she was headed.
Raphael should understand. They’d met on trips with their respective schools to a ski field in the Swiss Alps. Out of control on a snow board, she’d crashed into him, and nursing bruises over hot chocolate in the café they’d instantly bonded. His father worked in a bank in Geneva while her dad was working at the New Zealand consulate in the same city. She’d been used to making friends quickly, aware how fast three years passed when she’d have to move and start all over again. Raphael had been homesick for his grandmother and cousins back in Avignon, and resented his parents for taking him away from them all. She’d wanted her parents to return home and stop moving. Instead, when her mother obtained a position in an international accounting company that had her travelling a lot, Isabella had been sent to boarding school in England, leaving her feeling unconnected, abandoned. Even when she returned to the family fold, that disconnect remained. She’d done too much growing up in the interim and had changed for ever.
Despite being two years older than her, Raphael had gone out of his way to keep in touch, and they had remained close, despite living in different countries for most of their friendship. She’d briefly worked with him once in Tours, which had been great. Since then? Modern communications systems were the best thing to ever be invented.
Raphael asked, ‘You’re still coming over here for Carly’s wedding, right?’
‘Wouldn’t miss it for anything. It was bad enough not making it to Esther and Harry’s.’ She’d been supposed to fly to London for that, but when the Medical Volunteers Charity asked her to stay on another month because the traumatised Khy family she’d been working closely with still needed her there as stability, she hadn’t been able to say no. They’d needed her, and she’d wanted to be needed. Still did. ‘Flights are booked.’
‘Why not make it a one-way trip? Your girlfriends from midwifery training days are here and all working in the Queen Victoria, although for how long is anyone’s guess with all these weddings going down. Then there’s moi.’
Her laugh was brittle. ‘You make it sound so easy.’ It was. With an English mother getting a work visa for the UK was straightforward. But did she want to go there and be watched over like she was going to come out in a rash for being on her own again? Or questioned about every move she made? Every decision she arrived at? Because Raphael had changed. Since she’d left Darren, come to think of it. He was always questioning what she did, the jobs she chose, the countries they were in. No way did she want put up with any more of that, and living on his back doorstep wouldn’t help. At least she wouldn’t be in his house.
He continued in a coaxing voice. ‘Okay, why I really rang. There is a nurse’s position coming up on my ward if you’re interested. With your midwifery qualifications as well as nursing you’re ideal for the job. The girl who’s leaving hasn’t told anyone other than me yet, and she’s agreed to keep quiet till I talk to you. What do you think?’
‘How soon would I have to start?’ She was stalling, not feeling the excitement that usually stirred when she had an offer on the table to do something new. Weighing up the pros and cons? Unlike her.
‘Jasmine wants to be gone within three weeks. Something about a boyfriend in Canada and a road trip they’ve been planning to do over summer.’
Did she want to return to London? As in really want to? Or should she be staying put, making more of an effort to integrate into Wellington and stop blaming Darren for feeling confused? Making this the home base she’d always wanted?
‘And...ta da, the best bit.’ He paused for effect. Typical Raphael. ‘Don’t forget who’s the charge obstetrician on the ward. Your call, but remember, we work well together.’
That they did. Working as a midwife for those few months in Tours just after she’d finished her midwifery training had been the best job she’d ever had; having her closest friend in the same hospital added to the pluses. He’d shown her the French lifestyle, taken her to Avignon to meet his maternal grandmother and his cousins, tripped all over the country on their days off to show her castles, cities, mountains. Then he’d taken up his current position in London, and she’d met Darren in France while watching a rugby game between the All Blacks and Les Bleus, and the rest was history. A rocky, sorry history, but what didn’t kill her was going to make her stronger. Just not certain when. Not to mention how persuasive Raphael could be when he put his mind to it. ‘You know what?’
‘You’re on your way.’
‘I might be.’
‘Hello? Where’s strong, do-it-her-way-or-bust Isabella gone? You’re coming or you’re not. Which, Izzy?’
She had to make her mind up now? Why not? Raphael was right. She’d always approached life head-on, didn’t usually waste time dithering over decisions, and accepted that when she’d got it wrong it was part of the gamble. Her marriage failure had set her off kilter, made her worry and fuss too much about getting things right or wrong, made her wary of trusting people. Then watching the closeness of the Khys as they struggled to keep their son alive and how they coped after it all went wrong had blitzed her completely.
‘Izzy?’
If taking up a new position back in the city where her nursing friends and Raphael lived turned out to be a mistake, then she’d survive. If Rafe became too bossy she’d tell him what to do with that. But at least they were all there, the people who mattered the most to her. ‘Got to go. Have to pack my bag.’
