In the Heat

Caroline Ryder

The food was disappointing. The cheese cubes had turned rubbery and the sliced fruit was a playground for flies.

I tried some chips, but they were soggy from the heat. I tossed them into the grass.

Han was next to me, tugging at his black dress shirt collar. “How much longer do we have to stay?” he asked, his cheeks flushed.

I glanced at our dad. He was deep in conversation with his friends, thrilled about Alpha Tyler Trip’s return and star-struck from their chat.

Dad had been mad at me for speaking out, but his anger never lasted long.

I sighed and tugged at my tight, blue dress. “Knowing Dad, we’ll be here all day.”

Han rolled his eyes. “Overrated alphas,” he muttered. “Mick and Dad are all over him, and he hasn’t done anything for us yet.”

“He’s the alpha,” I said, half-listening.

Han loved to rant. Once he had an opinion, he could talk about it all day… all year. He could talk until he was blue in the face.

“Sure he is,” Han agreed, dismissive. “But is he?”

I was watching the pack house, seeing familiar faces and new ones. We had lost many members in the Feral War—more than any other pack in the East. We had taken in strays from all over the country to make up for our losses.

Everyone seemed happy. Smiles and laughter filled the air as people sought shade and seats.

Kids were running around, shrieking with joy. I saw Libby watching them with a soft smile. It made my stomach twist.

I quickly looked away and saw the alpha mingling with his pack. He was a bit stiff but friendly as he shook hands and laughed when needed.

He was always surrounded by his inner pack.

Rowan, the sweet gamma. Sarah, the stern lead enforcer. Jackie, the kind peacemaker. Aaron, the new lead lookout. Bennie, the lanky omega.

They watched the alpha closely, exchanging glances.

I watched them for a bit, deciding they were just worried about their friend.

“…and you’d think that a future alpha would stay and—”

“Han,” I cut him off, “he’s the alpha and he’s back. Give him a chance.”

Han rolled his eyes. “Don’t see why I should when—” He stopped when a group of young men came over to the food.

They didn’t seem to mind the state of the food as they dug in, ignoring plates and utensils.

Han made a disgusted sound and shoved his hands in his pockets.

One of the men turned and glared at Han. “You have a problem?”

I elbowed Han immediately.

But Han couldn’t resist being a smartass. “No, man, go back to your trough.”

The man frowned. “What did you just say?”

Han leaned in with a smirk. “Oink.”

The man dropped his food. He was huge, with muscles made for heavy lifting. He was probably an enforcer.

Han, on the other hand, was lean like a lookout. He wouldn’t stand a chance in a fight.

Damn.

The man stepped towards Han, snarling. “You’d better watch yourself, kid, I fought in the war.”

Han rolled his eyes. He was his own worst enemy. “News flash, Wallace, we didn’t win the war. I’m not impressed—”

The man lifted his fist. “Say that again,” he dared.

Han grinned and repeated, “News flash, Wallace—”

Han’s nose sprayed blood.

The man shook his fist and growled. “Show some respect next time, mutt. Especially when you didn’t lift a finger to help your species.”

Han was getting up, blood smeared down his face and neck, staining his teeth red.

I saw the wild look in his eyes. Han liked getting hit. He thrived on the adrenaline. I think it was the only time he really felt anything.

“Congrats on fighting in a bullshit war,” Han mumbled. “Did killing humans make you feel big, Miss Piggy?”

The man would’ve hit Han again if a woman hadn’t stepped in. She was sturdy with long hair, narrow eyes, and a stern look.

I recognized her instantly as the first female enforcer in our pack’s history.

“Do we have a problem here?” Sarah asked, looking at Han and then the enforcer.

The man flexed his fist and jaw, struggling with his emotions. “No,” he grumbled.

“Finally,” Han said, nudging me, “he stopped squealing.”

The man looked ready to explode. “You little—”

Sarah held up her hand. “We’re here to protect our pack mates, Wallace, not harm them.” Wallace grunted. Sarah turned to Han. “Are you all right?”

Han grinned, showing his bloody teeth. “Dandy.”

I rubbed my eyes. I heard footsteps and turned to see my parents coming our way. I took a deep breath. This was going to be a mess.

“Han,” my father called, his voice filled with disappointment.

My father and brother had a rocky relationship. They rarely agreed on anything. Han loved to provoke our dad, and Dad never gave Han any credit.

Han grimaced. “Yes?”

“What on earth happened?” my dad demanded in that harsh whisper-shout of his.

Sarah intervened. “I’m sorry, Mr. Ryder. My enforcer here has a quick temper.”

My dad glared at Han. “Knowing my son, he probably did something to provoke it.”

Sarah sighed. “Regardless, it shouldn’t have happened.” She placed a hand on her enforcer’s back and guided him away, whispering something in his ear while he shot a lingering glare at my brother.

The moment we were alone, my father and Han started arguing, each of them gesturing wildly and scoffing at the other.

My mother gave me a weary look from my father’s side. She was exhausted from their constant bickering, more so than anyone else. I knew it hurt her to see such tension between my father and Han.

“I hope I’m not interrupting.”

We all turned as Ryan Stellar, the former acting alpha and current beta, approached.

He wasn’t bad looking, but the aggression and chauvinism he wore like a badge made him unappealing. Not to mention the scar that ran from his nose to his mouth, giving him a permanent scowl.

His eyes were hard as he looked at my father, and even colder when he looked at Han. It was clear he didn’t like us.

Without thinking, I stepped in front of Han; it was instinct to protect him. For a smart guy, he could be incredibly naive.

“Beta,” my father greeted, his enthusiasm noticeably less than when he’d met Tyler Trip. “Good to see you. Your speech was excellent.”

The beta didn’t bother trying to charm us like he had the other families. “I don’t appreciate you causing a scene,” he said curtly. “It makes you look undisciplined.”

“You mean it makes you look bad,” I retorted, “in front of the alpha.”

Ryan’s lip curled, revealing a glimpse of his teeth.

“I’m surprised to see you here, Caroline. I heard you were taking the loss of your mate hard. What was he again? A healer? Liam, right?”

I heard Han growl, but I felt my own anger rising. “I’m surprised you’re here too. I thought Alpha Trip would’ve cast you aside the moment he returned.

“I guess you’ll have to skulk in the shadows again, huh? I suppose you’ll miss the power trips and feigned loyalty.”

I felt my father squeeze my wrist. He wasn’t telling me to stop; just to be careful.

To my surprise, Ryan Stellar smiled. It was a terrible, ugly smile. “It’s a shame your family is so talentless. We could use your spirit in the pack.”

My father bristled behind me. “My sons—”

“Are nothing,” the beta finished.

My father looked down, his cheeks red. Even Han had to lower his head.

The fact that none of us had pulled rank was a source of shame for my father who had served as the lead lookout for Alpha Vex during his entire rule.

My father, who had been the lookout the day of the fire attack, was promptly dismissed after he failed to see the humans cross our borders. We had been in a self-imposed exile ever since.

“Just like you’ll be soon, I imagine,” I threatened quietly.

Behind Ryan, I watched as Alpha Tyler Trip stopped talking and tilted his head to the side. “The alpha won’t tolerate your disobedience or scheming forever, Beta.”

The beta looked ready to shift and attack. “We’ll see what the alpha can tolerate.”

My father was furious. “You dare suggest—”

“Enough,” Ryan snapped. He looked into my father’s eyes, his gaze turning dark. “You need to control your disrespectful children, especially your youngest.”

His eyes fell on me. “This entire family is a great source of shame for this pack and you are lucky I’ve tolerated you for as long as I have. I will be advising Alpha—”

“Beta Stellar!” Mick greeted as he came bounding over, Libby in tow. Mick clapped the beta on the back and held out a hand. Ryan stared at my brother’s hand until Mick let it fall. “Uh, how are you?”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “Mick,” he greeted.

Mick turned to Han, his eyebrows shooting skyward. “What happened, Han?”

Han grinned, the blood now darker and caked around his nose and mouth. “Got into a fight with a rather rowdy strip of bacon.”

Mick frowned, opening his mouth to inquire when Ryan interrupted him. “We will be speaking again soon, Mr. Ryder.” His exit was swift and sure, leaving us all tense and unsure.

Mick smiled and kissed the back of Libby’s hand. “He’s a little more intense than I remember,” he noted. “Anyway, Alpha Trip and I had a great chat. I hadn’t realized how much I missed the guy.”

For the first time, I was thankful Mick was here to talk about himself.

My father and mother were arguing under their breaths.

I watched them out of the corner of my eye as I pretended to listen to Mick go on and on about the alpha and the friendship he was sure they’d eventually have.

I watched my mother shake her head and then my father walked away.

I frowned and slipped away from my family, following my father as he headed down the dirt road that led away from the pack’s territory.

I was about to call out to him when I felt a presence behind me and turned to see Alpha Tyler Trip.

He was nearly a foot taller than me and double my width. Tall, broad, handsome: he was everything an alpha was supposed to be.

His eyes were green and gentle, his jaw structured and covered in stubble, his hair cropped and clean. He was gorgeous, but I noted his beauty in more of a clinical sense than a romantic one.

“Alpha,” I greeted, reluctantly letting my father escape.

He nodded. “Caroline, right?”

I felt my stomach clench. “You got it.”

The alpha rubbed the back of his neck. “I heard you speaking to Ryan.”

A slew of curses came to mind. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“Don’t apologize,” the alpha interrupted, “it was nice to hear.”

“He’s a jerk,” I said without regret.

The alpha chuckled. I was taken aback by the sound and from the looks of it, so was he.

“I can’t pinpoint when he changed. I guess I’m a little out of the loop. Nothing’s the same as it used to be, huh?”

I scrunched my eyebrows, tilting my head as I chewed on that thought. Nothing was the same: not my pack, not my family, and definitely not me.

The Feral War had taken everything and twisted it. Before the war, I had a mate, a respected position in my pack, a loving family, a sense of self and direction. Now, I had none of that.

“Whenever you need me to run my mouth, just holler,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

The alpha looked at me anew, his lips still curved in a small smile. “This might sound strange, but I feel a connection with you and—”

“Trip!”

The alpha jerked, his expression shifting entirely as Rowan rushed over. “Initiation time,” he announced, grinning broadly.

His eyes were round, wide, and baby blue. He smiled at me, one corner of his mouth lifting and rounding his cheeks. “Hey, there. You’re Mick Ryder’s little sister, right?”

I made a face. “Unfortunately.”

Rowan chuckled. “Right, anyway, our alpha here needs to join me at the pack house.”

Alpha Trip gave a slight nod in my direction before leaving with Rowan.

I watched the two men as they walked and spoke in hushed tones, their heads close together. Rowan glanced back at me, only for Trip to place a hand on his shoulder and guide him forward again.

Butterflies fluttered in my stomach, taking me by surprise. I clutched my abdomen, my breath rushing out as my heart froze in my chest.

I hadn’t felt anything like this since Liam… Since he…

Tears welled up quickly. I tilted my face upward and blinked rapidly, trying to hold them back before they fell.

I saw Han waving at me from up the road and waved back, taking a moment to compose myself before I trudged back to the pack house.

The rest of the ceremony was mostly a formality.

After Alpha Vex’s death, Tyler Trip was sworn in by the pack elders almost immediately. It was quick and private, happening without much warning for Tyler or the pack.

His inner pack was formed from his closest friends just days before he left to enlist.

Today was simply a reaffirmation of the promise he’d made to the pack as alpha and a spectacle for the members who were upset to have missed his initiation the first time around.

Naturally, Han thought the whole event was a colossal waste of time, and I had to endure his grumbling the entire time the elders spoke.

I watched the young alpha with renewed interest.

He was solemn as he listened to his rights and responsibilities, serious as the elders asked for his oath, and sincere as he pledged his life to the protection and prosperity of the pack.

Before the elders once again made his rule official, the alpha turned to the pack. His gaze was enough to command silence. Everyone watched him with anticipation and respect.

My father, who had returned just in time, was practically vibrating with pride as the rightful alpha addressed us.

“I’m sorry I left. I did so with the intention of finding honor and protecting our pack and our species. I know some of you believe I achieved none of these things while others believe I have.

“Whatever you believe, I want to ask for your forgiveness—for your acceptance—before I become your alpha once again.”

My father was the first to bow his head. “Dimitt.”

The word sent a shock through me. I hadn’t heard it since the day Liam was attacked. Since the day I held him in my arms as Alpha Vex placed his hand on my shoulder and begged me to forgive him.

Since the day I died.

“Dimitt,” Mick and Libby murmured together, bowing their heads in unison.

The rest of the pack mumbled, yelled, hollered, whispered the word. They repeated it until it became a chant and even Han was forced to say it.

When I looked up, I could’ve sworn Tyler Trip was staring directly at me.

“Dimitt,” I said, my voice tight as my throat closed up.

The alpha nodded and turned to the elders before completing his initiation. Afterward, he turned to the pack with a raised hand and was met with a roar of applause and exultation.

The alpha smiled and waved and thanked people but something was off. I knew what it was as soon as he met my eyes. He was an empty man being chased by a ghost.

I knew this because I was empty too; haunted and comforted by a man who was no longer by my side.

Whatever Han said, I knew at that moment that Alpha Tyler Trip would be the best alpha this pack would ever see.

***

An hour later, we all tumbled out of the sweltering van and into our tiny house.

My father vanished into the woods and my mother slipped into her garden. Mick and Libby had retreated to their bedroom, giggling behind the door when they thought no one was listening.

Han and I sat in the living room, Han with a bag of frozen peas pressed to his face as he finally admitted that being punched in the face by an enforcer hurt like hell.

I kicked off my sneakers and pulled my knees to my chest, wincing when the zipper of the blue dress dug into my side.

“How long before the alpha makes us move?” Han asked, his voice muffled by the frozen vegetables. His nose was completely swollen and clogged with blood.

I shrugged. I had been thinking the same. “Not long,” I guessed. “A month?”

“Dad’s going to have a heart attack,” Han said, peeling the peas away and wincing when he touched his nose. It was purple now.

“Mom will miss her garden,” I noted absently.

Han slapped the bag back to his face. “Fuck the garden.”

We ate a big meal that night to celebrate the new alpha. No one really felt like eating though because it was so hot and humid and stuffy.

Han pointed this out and got Dad all worked up. It escalated into a fight, which ended with everyone cleaning up in silence and retreating to our separate corners.

I lay in my single bed that night, my eyes on the ceiling as I listened to my family.

Our house was small enough and my hearing good enough that, if I really concentrated, I could hear little traces of everyone: Dad’s snoring, Han’s trashy music, Mick’s laughter, Mom’s gentle humming.

I rolled over on my mattress and stared at the woven rug in the center of my room, remembering another time, another place, another me, when Liam had been alive.

I remembered the first time we slept in the same room; how my father made sure Liam was nowhere near the bed but camping on the floor. Liam was happy to do so as we could still be so close.

My heart squeezed and I clutched my sheets tightly in my fists, riding through the waves of pain as the memory faded.

I hadn’t allowed myself to picture his face, recall his voice, or remember his quirks. Not since he’d passed away.

But that led to another fear that haunted me. What if I forgot all those things? What if, when the time came, I couldn’t remember his face, his laughter, or the sound of his voice?

That fear held me in a vice-like grip, forcing my eyes wide open and stealing my breath away.

I missed him so much it went beyond physical pain. At the peak of my grief, I felt like I’d vanished. Like I’d been swallowed whole by it.

I shut my eyes, pleading for sleep—for any kind of break—as I tried to let my thoughts drift away.

Gradually, other thoughts surfaced and I clung to them, nurturing them as I focused on my afternoon memories and dissected them.

I thought about the alpha. About how he looked at me. About his appearance. I felt the same thrill from earlier, the same rush when I remembered his eyes locking with mine.

He had cocked his head to the side and scrutinized me; had said something to his friend that made him glance back at me.

I played with these thoughts, slowly calming down as I distanced myself from the more painful memories.

Alpha Tyler Trip wanted something from me, I was sure of that.

I just needed to figure out what.