Terms of Possession
Auteur·e
Elizabeth Power
Lectures
18,2K
Chapitres
10
CHAPTER ONE
IGNORING the anxious green eyes, the tense features in the softly lit mirror, Nadine got up from the dressing-table, feeling the apricot satin nightdress move with disturbing sensuality against her skin.
Whichever way one looked at it, it was still adultery, she thought with an apprehensive little shiver. What other way was there to describe having sex with a married man?
Heat washed over her as she gazed out of the diamond-paned window, down on to the pleasingly lit gardens of the small country hotel. How discreet of him to bring her here, away from London, she reflected, with increasing tension licking through her as she heard water running out of the basin in the adjoining room. Surely one of the West End hotels might have proved a more appropriate setting—a more impersonal place for the cold, meaningless act they were about to-’Savouring the view?’
The deep, impartial voice jerked her head round in a blaze of rich auburn, her body stiffening from the sudden, stark exposure to that speculative masculine gaze. The satin nightie did nothing to conceal the gentle curves of her body, and feeling the heat of that gaze, with a dryness in her throat, she uttered challengingly, ‘Are you?’
He smiled a tight smile—the type she had seen him use often in open court. Cameron Hunter. Brilliant barrister. Ruthless adversary. And Lisa’s husband. She had to remember that. Keep reminding herself of the reason why she was here.
‘It’s commendable,’ he approved with a detached softness as he came towards her, a more relaxed smile easing the austerity of hard, strongly defined features.
He hadn’t undressed yet, and the pull of something frighteningly basic overrode her relief. Jacketless, he was still wearing the white shirt and dark trousers he had worn at dinner, but his muscular leanness was all too apparent now, and with a tight contraction of her throat she noticed how the black wavy hair curling over his collar was mirrored in the open ‘V’ of the shirt he had casually loosened.
‘I’m sorry if I kept you. I thought you’d be in bed.’ Nadine swallowed, unable to look at that enormous feature of the plushly Victorian room with all it implied.
‘No. That’s all right. I mean…’ How could he appear so cool? ‘I—I mean…you didn’t.’
Heaven! She was twenty-four, for goodness’ sake! Why did she have to sound like a stammering schoolgirl in contrast with him? Because she didn’t have a clue how to handle this situation—never dreaming, when she had originally agreed to the surrogacy arrangements, that it would ultimately come to this.
And he was shrewd enough to realise it, she despaired, seeing the line furrowing the high forehead even before he said, ‘Are you sure you…really want to go through with this?’
She looked at him quickly. No, she wasn’t. Oh, not that his child wasn’t the one thing in the world that she dearly wanted! But not like this, she thought—not in these circumstances. She wondered, from his query alone, if he had reservations too.
‘To have a child for another woman is a tall order,’ he stated phlegmatically. ‘You could be forgiven for backing out.’
Backing out? Nadine’s body went rigid. Hadn’t she considered the consequences of that ever since she had agreed to Lisa’s crazy suggestion? Lisa, who had everything except the one thing she desperately longed for—Cameron’s child. But she, Nadine, had agreedagreed because the only man she had ever wanted was Cameron Hunter.
Too shy to let him know of her feelings four years ago, she’d had to stand by and painfully watch while he married her best friend—even though she’d always felt that Lisa wasn’t really right for him. Therefore the thought of bearing his child—the child Lisa had craved and which, after countless tests, she had ruefully admitted to Nadine she was physically unable ever to give him—seemed like compensation, in a way, for her own loss.
And besides, coming when it had, Lisa’s suggestion had been like the answer to a prayer. Nadine had needed money. Money to pay for the vital heart surgery that could save her mother’s life.
But the complicated procedure of insemination, with its various tests and no guarantee at the end of it all of success, had all been considered too time-consuming-and time was running out. So really what choice had she had?
‘No.’ Glad that he had preferred to keep it a totally private affair, and with a steely determination, she lifted her small chin, resolve in every taut line of her fine bone-structure. ‘When I enter into a contract—even if it’s only a verbal one—I honour it.’
Cameron’s mouth took on the barest curve. A disciplined mouth, she had always thought, that could disarm or slay with a single movement. And then every nerve seemed to pulse into violent life as, slipping a hand under the rich sheen of her hair at the nape of her neck, he whispered, ‘I’m pleased to hear it,’ and drew her face purposefully towards his.
‘Cameron…’
‘Hush.’ The gentle touch of his lips silenced her uncertain murmur, causing her blood to pump with dizzying force along her veins. Their bodies weren’t actually touching, but the rough texture of his cheek with the subtle scent of his cologne and the slow brush of his mouth over hers sent such a shiver of sensuality through her that she stiffened in unconscious withdrawal. He was Lisa’s husband! She had no right…
‘Relax.’
Of course. He could tell. Nothing would escape him. He was trained to observe and detect every small flinch, every weakness in the human character.
‘I’m sorry.’ She closed her eyes to blot out the sight of his tall, wholly masculine figure as he pushed back the auburn waves from her shoulder, his dark head inclining to the bare flesh he had exposed.
Nadine sucked in her breath. Dear God, how long had she wanted this? ‘Cameron, I…’ Her breath shuddered through her lungs, making her voice sound provocatively husky. ‘I mean…’ Oh, goodness! Was this really happening? ‘I thought…’ What had she thought? That it would be quick and emotionless—at least on his part? Not this dangerously gentle seduction that was threatening to liberate the futile emotions she had nursed for him since she was eighteen and which she had bound in iron fetters the day he had married Lisa. ‘Couldn’t we just…?’
His laugh was a soft rumble in his throat. ‘We could,’ he murmured silkily, trailing kisses along the smooth line of her throat to the lobe of her ear. ‘But you wouldn’t thank me for that.’
No, she thought, clenching her hands at her sides to stem the shocking tide of prohibited pleasure that ran through her as his tongue found the sensitive inner curve of her ear. At thirty-four, he would know women well-and the effect he had upon them without even trying.
‘You’re trembling.’ His hands were resting on her shoulders, strong and firm. ‘I know the circumstances of this…arrangement might be a bit unusual, but you’re not a child. Being in this situation with a man—’ his chin lifted to embrace the sensuously lit bedroom ‘—surely can’t be entirely foreign to you?’
Nadine gulped. If only he knew! ‘No,’ she lied, unable to tell him just how inexperienced she was—that she’d never met another man who had interested her beyond anything even mildly physical since the day he’d stormed into her office during her first week in his chambers all those years ago and castigated her for an incompetence that hadn’t been her fault. And at that moment she envied his confident maturity, his sexual sophistication that far exceeded her own.
Nevertheless, she still wasn’t prepared for the extent of her own startling reaction as he suddenly pulled her against him, for her body’s shocking response to the hard warmth of him through her nightdress, to the sudden firm demands of his mouth.
Sensations shook her, her knees seeming to liquefy so that her hands slid to his shoulders and clung to him, to the solidity of warm muscle beneath the soft sensuality of his shirt.
How many nights had she lain awake as a hapless teenager, stifling her feverish longing for this in the dark oblivion of her pillow? How many times since had she discouraged male interest beyond anything further than the odd innocent kiss, finding all potential suitors lacking the dangerous and exciting dynamism of this one man?
His arms were tightening like a vice around her so that she could feel every hard, aroused sinew of his body. She shuddered with the sensations she was fighting to control, wrought with the almost unbearable exertion of self-restraint.
How could she allow herself to feel like this? To forget that he was married—married to Lisa! She tensed, groaning a soft protest, and through her swimming senses heard him say, ‘Come on, Nadine. Loosen up. It’s only you and me.’
And for you it’s just a business arrangement, she thought, stifling the silent despair in her heart by telling herself rather unconvincingly that she was doing this solely to help her mother.
‘It’s all right for you. I…’ How could she tell him that she didn’t wholly know what was expected of her? That she was afraid to let herself go, because if she did then he might guess just how she felt about him?
‘Leave it to me, Nadine.’
Almost as if he had read her mind he was taking command, and she caught her breath as he suddenly lifted her easily and carried her over to the bed.
His hands, burning through the apricot satin, were like flames to dry kindling, and she had to bite her bottom lip to stem a cry at their pleasuring warmth. He was a master at this, she thought hazily as those hands shaped her feminine softness, her breath coming shallowly as he suddenly slipped the thin straps off her shoulders, drew her nightdress down over the creamier satin of her breasts.
‘You’re lovely.’ His whispered appreciation of her showed in the taut lines of his face, and she closed her eyes to the deepening blue of his.
She could hear the ragged quality of his breathing, feel the hardening of his body as he lay across her, his lips burning over the soft, creamy rise of her breasts.
He was aroused, she thought, tensing. And—dear heaven—so was she. And yet…Beads of perspiration broke out across her forehead, along the perfect top line of her mouth. He was a man. It was his prerogative to enjoy a woman. But if she expressed the same pleasure…
‘It’ll be easier if you relax.’
Of course, he knew. There was an impatient edge to the deep voice as he moved away from her, and she didn’t need to open her eyes to realise that he was shrugging out of his clothes. Yet how could she do as he was suggesting without giving herself away? Or, worse, making him think that she was entirely wanton?
When he came back to her, though, peeling the last barrier of satin from her body, the touch of his warm flesh against hers was like an electric charge to her senses, and she stifled a gasp, jaw clenched against the sweetness piercing her lower body, as he suddenly dipped his head to her breast.
‘Oh, please…’ It came out as a shuddering protest against the insidiously sweet torture of his mouth.
Eyes shuttered, hair spread like fiery silk across the pillow, she waited tensely as he moved. If only he would end it now—get it over with before her body betrayed her…
‘Look at me.’
His imperative tone broke through her silent struggle. His eyes were a deep, inky blue. His usually groomed hair was ruffled, his features impassioned, and the skin over those prominent cheekbones was taut, flushed with need.
‘Are you always so uptight when you’re making love? What does a man have to do to relax you? Show me what you want.’ His voice seemed to shudder from within the deep wall of his chest. ‘What is it you want? Show me, Nadine.’
You! She censored the thought from her brain before it could take shape. She had no right to think it! No right at all! But the burn of his lips across the flat plane of her stomach and the deep persuasion of his voice were robbing her of her last vestige of control. Her need seemed to explode inside her, shattering her restraint into fragments, galvanising her into a sobbing, writhing surrender that she couldn’t have kept from him any longer any more than she could have flown.
I’m sorry, Lisa! The thought was blown away like dust in the wind as she succumbed to the forces of a passion matched only by the force and power of the man who was suddenly moving, claiming her, unlocking the mysteries of her body.
Desire swamped her like a violent storm so that she knew only a sweet pleasure and a sudden pain—pain, brief and sharp—before the consuming, spiralling ecstasy of his possession.
When he rolled away from her some time afterwards, got up without saying a word, Nadine eased herself up on an elbow, half-afraid to look at him. Was he angry? Shocked—as she was—by that tempestuous and involuntary response?
The soft lights from the dressing-table threw a warm glow over his magnificent nakedness and she glanced away, embarrassed by her shameless surrender to it as he shrugged into a white towelling robe.
‘Why didn’t you tell me you were…That I’d be the first?’ He sounded puzzled, mildly censuring.
‘I didn’t think it was important,’ she responded, with a little shrug. She couldn’t tell him that she had been embarrassed about that, too.
‘Maybe not to anyone else, but I would have thought where you were concerned it might have been.’
His eyes were hard and penetrating. Trying to see through her, she thought shudderingly, suddenly vibrantly conscious of how she must look in the aftermath of their lovemaking—skin flushed and dewy, hair wild and damp with perspiration. But at least he didn’t appear to have guessed the truth.
‘What makes a girl sacrifice something so rare and precious simply for money? And don’t tell me it wasn’t, because if that was the case you’d probably have relinquished it long ago.’
Nadine’s shoulders stiffened. ‘That’s insulting.’
‘It wasn’t meant to be.’
‘No?’ Her chin came up, nostrils dilated with wounded anger. She couldn’t forget how opposed he had been to Lisa’s suggestion of surrogate motherhood in the beginning. Lisa had had to beg him until he’d finally given in. She wasn’t sure, but she guessed what he probably thought about women who accepted payment in exchange for a child—about her, Nadine Kendall—and that frenzied response to him just now wouldn’t have helped to change his opinion in any way.
‘What I mean is that you’re a very beautiful girl.’ He opened the mini-fridge, took out a bottle of chilled water. ‘Don’t try and tell me that a lot of men haven’t tried to seduce you.’
‘No…I mean…some.’
So he wasn’t immune to her femininity, even if he had always displayed no more than a cool imperviousness towards her. After all, she was Lisa’s friend, not his. As for involvements, even if she had met a man who had been able to rid her of this mindless infatuation with Cameron, she would have had no desire to rush into one with her eyes closed. A serious relationship—which was all she would settle for—needed to be right. She’d seen from the break-up of her parents’ marriage how devastating and painful a mistake could be.
She heard the still water tumble into a glass, her gaze following the strong line of his throat as he took a long draught before offering her some. She shook her head.
‘The main reasons for sacrificing one’s virginity are usually love, passion, or just plain and simple curiosity. So what makes you different, Nadine? Why has the importance of money suddenly triumphed over the other three?’
His gaze was too intense and she looked away, like a witness with a guilty secret to hide, plagued not only by her reckless emotions but also by the memory of her mother’s pinched features, her laboured breathing; by her desperate plea when she’d failed to talk Nadine out of paying for her treatment.
‘Don’t tell anyone what I’m having done—how serious this is. I couldn’t bear to be thought of as an invalid.’
She ventured a look at Cameron. He had a reputation in court for being pitiless. Yet even he would feel some, she thought, if she told him about the heart condition that was threatening her mother’s life. Only a by-pass operation could offer her the chance of recovery, but the scheduled surgery had been postponed because of the ever-increasing cut-backs in the Health Service, and Nadine had had to watch, helpless, as her mother’s health gradually deteriorated, aware that even the simplest task now made her breathless and fatigued.
Yes, somehow she felt he’d understand. Only she couldn’t go back on the promise she had made to her mother. And not only that, Lisa had been her friend since childhood—had known both her parents—and if it ever got back to Dawn Kendall how she, Nadine, was financing her forthcoming operation…
Inwardly, she shuddered. Even with the payment Cameron had already made to her she’d met enough maternal objection when she’d let her mother believe she was simply using her savings to help meet the hospital’s fees. But if she ever discovered the truth…
‘Does there have to be a reason, m’lud?’ she parried lightly in response to his query about sacrificing herself. And in a desperate bid to keep her secret—change the subject—with a nervous little laugh she uttered flippantly, ‘Any more questions for the defence?’
Those shrewd eyes narrowed speculatively as he put down his glass. ‘I’m not a lord.’ Unpretentiously he drew attention to the way she had addressed him. ‘And certainly not a judge—yours or anybody else’s.’
But he was, she thought, sensing the assessment going on inside that brilliant brain. Fear was leaping through her—fear of another shaming submission and of the threat to her emotions that she neither wanted nor welcomed—as he slipped off his robe and, sliding back into bed with her, said with meaningful softness, ‘And no, there’ll be no more questions.’
Unusually edgy, Nadine started as the phone rang in the little Dickensian office.
‘Hi! It’s me. I thought I’d be back earlier than this but the car had other ideas.’
Nadine smiled, relaxing at the sound of her boss’s friendly voice. Recently qualified, Larry Lawson had joined the firm two years after she had, when her old boss had retired, and he promised to be a brilliant solicitor provided he kept a rather rebellious streak in check.
‘How’s your mother? Is she better?’
She had told him on Friday that she was spending the weekend with her mother as she wasn’t too well, but she had refrained from mentioning either the fact that she had spent those two days by her mother’s bedside in a private south coast hospital, or the vital surgery the woman had undergone during the previous week.
‘She’ll be OK,’ she responded, her chest tightening painfully as she said it. If only she could be sure!
‘In that case, could you prepare that brief I dictated to counsel as soon as you can? Thinking of which, I saw the man in action in court this morning—you know, that Laser v Brompton case? Holy mackerel! He isn’t called Hunter for nothing—the way that man hounds after the truth! It looks as though she might have been lying all the way through the proceedings, and if she has—heaven help her! He’ll make mincemeat of her!’
A sensation shivered through Nadine beneath the chic blue pin-striped suit. As he had done with her? Oh, not with that same skill of ruthless intellect for which he was renowned, but sensually, through a total devastation of her senses. Because he had made love to her again, several times during that pre-arranged weekend together, silently and clinically, without words, while she, after that first shameful loss of control, had been unable to withhold the response he’d so easily wrung from her.
And when he had driven her home at the end of that weekend he had seemed more aloof and remote from her than he had ever done, when she had wanted…what? Affection from him? No, of course not! she assured herself with biting self-castigation. He was another woman’s husband. Therefore, what right had she to feel so stupidly hurt and alone?
‘Hello? Are you still there?’
‘Yes…yes, I am.’ She had forgotten Larry on just hearing Cameron’s name. And that was wrong, a strong sense of integrity served to remind her. But she hadn’t seen or heard from him since that weekend, and that was nearly four weeks ago now. ‘I’d better ring off. I’m expecting another call,’ she advised a little tensely, omitting to add that what she was waiting for was the result of the test she had had done last week. When the phone rang again, the instant she put it down, she almost leapt out of her chair.
Her fingers were still trembling five minutes later as they picked out Lisa’s home number, her heart thudding, her thoughts chaotically numb. She had been praying she would be pregnant. She didn’t think she could take an assault on her senses by Cameron Hunter a second time without disastrous consequences to her emotions, though he had managed to remain entirely detached and uncommitted. And now…
‘Lisa?’ She took a deep breath and gave her friend the news.
‘Wow! What a stud I’m married to! He certainly didn’t waste any time with you, did he?’ Lisa responded—rather indelicately, Nadine thought, in the circumstances, though her friend sounded delighted enough. ‘So you’ll have the baby…I must admit that’s the only worry I would have had about carrying if I had been able to conceive—the fear of blowing up like a balloon and staying like it for ever afterwards.’ Lisa laughed, reminding Nadine of her friend’s constant battle to keep a check on her rather curvy figure. ‘I’ll get everything arranged. Nursery, nanny, toys, soundproof room. Only joking!’ she added quickly. ‘I might even decide to stay home and play full-time mother.’
Lisa was twenty-seven, three years older than herself, and had worked as a legal executive in the same law practice, which was how she, Nadine, had come to hear about the secretarial vacancy in the first place. At the time she had welcomed the move away from the man who was occupying too much of her thoughts and who was scarcely aware of her existence, fearing that her own violent crush on him was in danger of prejudicing her work.
It was Lisa who had brought him back into her life after meeting him at a party; Lisa who had been just as hopelessly ensnared by the terrifying strength of his attraction. After that he’d sometimes come into the office, or call at Lisa’s while Nadine was there. He’d been aloof, yet somehow more indulgent towards her then than when she had been working with him, little knowing how his lethal sexuality was affecting her as he watched her blossoming into full womanhood.
Sometimes, when he had smiled at her, it had been as if the earth was tipping off its axis. Indeed, the responses rocketing through her had been so profound she had deluded herself that he had to be feeling something too. But it was Lisa he had married so suddenly and unexpectedly four years ago; Lisa who had stayed on with the firm as an unwitting yet constant reminder of all Nadine had lost, with her bubbling happiness and her ceaseless fervour for him. She had only left on her doctor’s advice—rather futile, as it had turned out—that less pressure of work might bring her the child she wanted.
‘Am I the first to know? Oh, great!’ Having forced herself back to the present, Nadine could almost feel her friend’s joy. ‘Then let me tell Cameron. It’ll be as though I’m having this baby myself!’
Wistfully Nadine smiled. She could understand how Lisa felt. But her own emotions seemed numbed-strangely shell-shocked—as though she hadn’t yet begun again to feel.
‘You were certainly worth every cent, Nadine, so now you can go out and blow it! Plus you’ve had the added bonus of knowing what it’s like to sleep with Cameron Hunter!’
‘Lisa!’ Nadine felt hot colour invading her cheeks. She didn’t want to think about that. Nor could she tell her friend about her mother’s operation, and the expensive after-care on which the money was being spent.
‘Oh, come on, don’t be coy about it. I know you must have been simply dying to! If you aren’t admitting to it, then you’re the only one of my friends who hasn’t. But it does have its disadvantages, I can assure you now. As far as any other man’s concerned, you’ll be spoilt for life!’
Embarrassed, Nadine laughed awkwardly. Didn’t she already know that? ‘Be seeing you, Lisa,’ she said quickly, winding up the conversation and putting down the phone, wondering suddenly if Lisa had been drinking.
* * *
She was watching the end of a gripping thriller when the telephone rang that evening, the lateness of the hour making her heart lurch apprehensively as she crossed the small sitting room and switched off the television set to answer it. Supposing it was the hospital?
‘Nadine?’ The last thing she had expected to hear was Cameron Hunter’s deep voice. ‘Nadine, you sound worried. Are you all right?’
‘Yes. Yes, I’m fine.’ Hastily she pulled herself together. If she wanted to keep her troubles from anyone, it was him.
‘I believe congratulations are in order. Lisa told me. Any problems? Or are you feeling all right?’
Funny that he should be the one to ask that, she thought, because Lisa hadn’t.
‘No, none,’ she assured him, even if her knees did feel like jelly! And not only, she realised shamefully, from the dread of bad news about her mother.
‘You sound breathless. I hope I didn’t get you out of bed.’ There was more than courteous concern behind that remark.
‘No, you didn’t.’ Pique turned her cheeks to flame. She might be just a convenient womb for his child but he did, after all, have exclusive knowledge of her sleeping habits, and therefore shouldn’t have had the audacity to suggest anything else!
‘Good.’ Was that double-edged too? She wasn’t sure. ‘I merely wanted you to know that I intend to see that you get all the necessary care and assistance you need over the next eight months or so. I’ll have your medical fees taken care of.’ As he—albeit unwittingly—had made it possible for her to take care of her mother’s? ‘Any problems, ring me…or Lisa.’
‘Thanks.’ She wasn’t sure whether she had imagined that slight hesitancy in his voice. He sounded so coldly practical, though, as though he were simply dealing with one of his clients. But then that was all this was to him, wasn’t it? she thought poignantly. A business transaction. Even so, an unexpected wave of loneliness washed over her after he had rung off, so crushing that she found herself giving in to a sudden bout of tears, which she tried to justify as only the result of her condition coupled with the worries about her mother.
Days tumbled into a week, then two, during which Nadine arranged for her mother’s convalescence in a private nursing home nearer London, where she could receive the necessary care as well as the cardiac rehabilitation she needed at the nearby hospital—although Nadine was concerned to hear that her recovery was being impeded by a slight cold.
‘You’re looking downcast today,’ Larry remarked one morning, coming into Nadine’s office and catching her sitting at her desk in one of her anxious reveries. ‘What do I have to do to whip up a smile on that lovely face?’ And, with mischief in his eyes, ‘Ever been beaten with a will?’
Nadine ducked to avoid the rolled white parchment he was brandishing, his jocular play on words producing the desired effect.
‘You’ll never endear yourself to our senior partner,’ she chided laughingly. Beneath a wild mat of curly brown hair an ear-ring, she noticed, had made itself evident since the previous day.
‘Thank goodness for that!’ Larry laid a hand on his heart. ‘He’s not my type. But while we’re on the subject of being clobbered, you’ll be interested to know Hunter won that case for us—hot on the heels of his success with the Laser-Brompton affair. He must be every opponent’s nightmare. You should go and watch him handling a case some time, if you haven’t done so yet.’
A rush of nausea engulfed her, piercingly acute, and as she staggered to her feet to try and make it to the Ladies’ she heard Larry’s voice coming anxiously, distantly, behind her. ‘Gosh! You look ghastly! Are you all right?’
She was, eventually, and refused his advice to go home as well as his invitation to lunch.
‘Perhaps you had better go easy on the rations with an upset turn,’ he accepted, his obvious concern making her feel guilty in having led him to believe that that was all it was.
She felt better after grabbing a quick sandwich in town, but there was one problem worrying her that she had to straighten out with herself, once and for all.
Strong as her crush on Cameron Hunter had been as a teenager, she had been brutally forced to mature after he had married Lisa, resigning herself to the fact that he belonged to someone else. But ever since that weekend, when he had taken her to that hotel, those old feelings for him had returned with frightening tenacity, making her heart pound every time she heard his name, her temperature rise every time she thought about the mind-blowing skill in the way he had made love to her. And that was both stupid and ill-advisable, she warned herself chasteningly. She had to gain control of herself-strive for the detached and adult attitude in all this that he was obviously managing to maintain.
However, fate, it seemed, was out to test her that day, she decided when, having bought a few things in one of the department stores, she suddenly found herself taking a detour through the mother and baby department.
How strange that she should find herself looking at this, she thought, hesitantly fingering a small white matinee jacket that was hanging on a rail.
When the three of them had talked about this baby in the beginning, Lisa had said she would want to keep the facts of its birth a secret from it, but Cameron had insisted that every child had a right to the truth about its origins. But how would her child feel when it asked its parents, ‘What happened to my real mother?’ How would it react to them saying, ‘She gave you up for cash.’
No! The negation was so strong that she thought she had spoken it aloud. She was being silly. Her baby was going to have loving parents, a far more comfortable and privileged existence than any she could provide. And it wouldn’t have reason to think too harshly of her, surely—even if it didn’t realise it, it had been conceived so that its own grandmother might have the chance to live.
She turned away from the coat, but there were other things to torment her. Little jumpsuits. Rattles. Cuddly toys.
God! She needed a deep breath to stem the acute emotion that suddenly welled up inside her. She hadn’t reckoned on so much feeling so soon. And supposing Mum didn’t…
She couldn’t bring herself to form the thought in her mind. But this was Dawn Kendall’s grandchild she was carrying. Part of her mother. Part of herself. Perhaps the only blood relative she might have one day. Would she be strong enough when the time came simply to hand it over?
Determinedly she got a grip on her recalcitrant emotions, urging herself away from the baby department. Regardless of her own feelings, and the way she felt about the child’s father, she had entered into an agreement-had accepted money in part-payment under that agreement as well as giving Lisa the promise of hope in her childless marriage. She would—had to—remain detached.
Therefore, she decided, it would be best to avoid any further excursions into town by herself.
So when Larry rang her at the flat the following morning and invited her to go swimming with him during the lunch-break, happily she agreed, packing a swimsuit in her bag before she left for the office.
‘Very nice,’ he approved that lunchtime, when she surfaced from under the chlorinated blue water at the sports centre. Her pregnancy hadn’t yet begun to show, although the initial changes in her body had given a firm roundness to her breasts beneath the emerald satin of her swimsuit, temporarily giving her the voluptuous figure she had always envied Lisa. ‘Ever thought of getting involved with an up-and-coming solicitor?’
Larry’s eyes continued to appraise her, his dark hair plastered to his head. ‘Good prospects. Good sense of humour. And an immediate discount on any legal fees.’ He grinned.
‘Only if I can wear the ear-rings!’ Nadine teased, swimming away, because she knew Larry wasn’t really serious. At least, she hoped he wasn’t! Larry Lawson was certainly too unconventional for her!
She was walking back with him through the car park when she noticed the small white BMW convertible parked a little distance away, recognised the cerise silk blouse of the woman sitting in the driving seat.
‘It’s Lisa!’ Nadine hesitated, looking apologetically at the slim, rangy man beside her. ‘Would you mind if I just pop over and have a few words? I’ll see you in the car.’
She didn’t have any special reason for wanting to see Lisa, but she didn’t want her friend to drive off without knowing she was there. That was until she drew nearer the car, and then she stopped in her tracks, suddenly feeling rooted to the spot.
It was Lisa, all right. Nadine couldn’t fail to recognise the chic, short brown hair, raked through with blonde streaks and hard masculine fingers as her friend gave herself up to the arms of the man who was kissing her so passionately. Only it wasn’t Cameron!
Paralysed with shock, for a few moments Nadine couldn’t move. Then, gathering her faculties together, not wanting Lisa to see her, she tore blindly back across the car park.
How could she? The question harrowed her along with the nausea that sprang from more than just the early stages of her pregnancy. How could she? Lisa and another man?
She caught Larry’s surprised, ‘You weren’t long,’ as she climbed into the ancient purring Renault.
And all she could answer was, ‘No.’ She couldn’t believe it! Why would a woman married to a man like Cameron—a woman who had everything—want to…?
‘Are you OK?’ Larry directed a curious glance at her as he pulled out of the car park.
‘Yes,’ she answered mechanically. Only she wasn’t. Revulsion was sickening her. Revulsion and bewilderment, and the already dawning significance of the situation.
She was having a baby. The baby Lisa wanted. The baby she, Nadine, had thought was going to a loving, stable home with loving parents. But Cameron couldn’t know about this! Intuitively she knew he would never have planned a child if he had thought his marriage wasn’t one hundred per cent rock-solid, and she could never have believed Lisa would have—until now. But had she ever really known Lisa?
The seatbelt pulled painfully across her breasts as Larry braked behind the car he had been about to overtake.
‘Sorry.’ He grimaced apologetically. ‘This chap in front shouldn’t be on the road.’
Nadine forced a wan smile, still deep in the mire of her thoughts about Lisa. Lisa and that other man. She had always known her friend was volatile, perhaps even a little neurotic at times recently, but she had put that down to Lisa’s desperation for a baby. And now…
Absently she brushed her damp hair back from her face, staring sightlessly at the busy road ahead. Lisa was deceiving them both—her and Cameron. So how could she, Nadine, hand over her own baby to a woman who was obviously unstable? Deliver it into a home that could wind up broken—just as her own had been?
She scarcely knew what she was doing that afternoon. The decision to which she had come was something that had to be acted upon—and quickly—and her insides were churning queasily as she rang the number of Cameron’s chambers.
What was she going to say to him? I need to see you? And if he agreed to her request, what then?
A mixture of contrary emotions ran through her as a feminine voice told her, ‘I’m afraid he’s still in court. Can I get him to call you when—and if—he comes back?’
‘No!’ Her insides were tying themselves in knots. She didn’t want him ringing her at the office. This matter was too private to risk discussing with anyone else around, apart from which she didn’t think she could stand the suspense of waiting for his call.
‘I’ll try again later,’ she volunteered, feeling like a coward, but as she put down the phone she knew she couldn’t just sit around hoping for him to come back.
She asked Larry if he’d mind her leaving early, and was relieved when he instantly assumed she was still feeling off-colour from the previous day, which ruled out the need for any further explanations, and within minutes she was on her way to the courts.
Hot, her pulse racing, she nevertheless slipped on her light summer jacket as she entered the great Gothic-style building. A security man searched her bag—along with those of other visitors and tourists—before allowing her in through the awesome grandeur of the main hall.
‘Do you know where I’ll find Cameron Hunter?’ Urgently she asked what looked like a member of court staff, and above the echoing sounds of other voices and general activity he started to say something, just as a more familiar voice spoke from behind.
‘Nadine?’
Her breath seemed to lock in her lungs as she swung to face him. Black-gowned, file under his arm, the familiar wig crowning those strong, disciplined features, he looked the intimidating advocate that these days even his more experienced colleagues held in the greatest esteem. That ruthless bearing about him served only to heighten that devastating sexual aura surrounding him.
‘What is it?’ His shoes made a light tap on the mosaic paving as he came towards her, as austere a figure as his stern forebears, staring down at her from the imposing walls. ‘Is anything wrong?’
Nadine swallowed. How could she tell him without incriminating Lisa? How could she explain her decision without giving him a reason why?
‘I—I can’t keep our agreement.’ That wigged forehead creased as though he couldn’t quite grasp what she was saying. ‘I’m keeping the baby.’ It came out too bluntly with the effort of trying to keep her voice steady, and her stomach muscles tightened as Cameron’s eyes glittered like dark sapphires.
‘You what?’
Oh, heaven! What could she say? I love it! And I can’t give my baby up to a woman who can’t even be faithful to her husband! How could she tell him that without causing serious consequences to his marriage?
‘I’m keeping it,’ she repeated tremulously, shuddering from the daunting challenge written in every hard line of his face.
‘And just what—?’
‘Hunter!’
He broke off as someone called to him and as he glanced towards the similarly robed man who was gesturing to him, saying something about seeing the judge, Nadine seized her opportunity and fled.
Oh, what a stupid, stupid thing to do! Breathless, blood racing, she came out into the bright July sunshine, anxiously glancing back over her shoulder with a sigh of relief to realise that Cameron hadn’t chased after her. He probably had more pressing business with the judge. But if her decision had angered him, then running away like that would only have incensed him further, she realised dauntingly. Only what else could she have done?
She had no sound explanation to offer for her decision to keep the baby—only the truth. And there was no way that she was going to tell him that! If Lisa was playing around it was hardly her business, or her right to bring it to his attention. What was her business, though, was making certain that her baby had a secure and happy home. And if that meant having one parent instead of two, as originally planned, then it would have to be.
Still unable to face him, though, when she hadn’t yet come to terms with Lisa’s betrayal, she went back to the flat, packed a bag, and, worried that he might call, took off for the suburbs to be near her mother for the weekend on the first available train.
When she arrived back late on Sunday night it was with the knowledge that the threatened cold following her mother’s operation hadn’t developed into anything serious. Consequently it was the memory of Lisa in the car park with that other man which kept her awake for hours. That, and what she herself was going to say to Cameron when he demanded to see her—as he undoubtedly would, she thought, with a cold apprehension stealing through her.
Finally, though, she drifted into a restless slumber, waking with such a severe bout of morning sickness that she had to telephone the office to say she wouldn’t be in until later.
It was halfway through the morning before she began to feel better, but her stomach muscles tightened painfully when the doorbell rang just as she was preparing to leave.
‘Going somewhere?’ Cameron’s gaze flitted coldly over her short-sleeved white blouse and beige skirt, and the matching jacket she had thrown over her arm.
‘I—I was just leaving for the office.’ Looking unusually pale, she took a step back as he thrust his way in uninvited.
‘The office can wait.’ He threw the door closed behind him, and a contrary mixture of fear and desolation shivered through Nadine. On Friday he’d looked angry. Today he was looking at her with an emotion almost akin to hatred, his voice purposefully soft as he said, ‘You aren’t going anywhere.’
He seemed big and imposing in her tiny hallway, memory serving to remind her, as her eyes registered the impeccable cut of his dark suit, that he had never actually been in her flat before.
‘You’ve already had half the morning off. Another hour isn’t going to make any difference—only to the answers you’re going to give me!’
Apprehensive, Nadine took another step back, feeling the sudden cool barrier of the wall through her thin blouse. So he’d telephoned the office first.
‘Cameron—I know you’ve a right to be angry…’
‘Angry?’ He gave a harsh laugh. ‘Oh, I’m not angry! I’m downright disgusted!’ She gasped as he moved disturbingly close, his hands coming up, one on either side of her, so that she was imprisoned against the wall. ‘You come and tell me you’re going to keep that baby, without even having the guts to stay and explain why, and then spend the whole weekend conveniently out of reach-and probably at my expense!’
‘That’s not true!’ His words cut into her like shards of jagged glass. His closeness was making her head swim, evoking feelings—memories—of an intimacy she didn’t want to remember.
‘Isn’t it?’ His mouth was a slash of disdain. ‘Then where the hell were you? I’ve been ringing—calling round since you ran out on me on Friday. Where have you been? In hiding? Afraid to face me, Nadine?’ His gaze raked icily over the tense lines of her face. ‘I wonder why?’
His tone had grown so unnervingly soft that she shuddered visibly. He’d judged her actions correctly, if not her motives!
‘Hasn’t a woman the right to want to keep her child?’ she uttered, her green eyes holding his unwaveringly, in spite of herself. ‘It’s something that takes over. A maternal instinct…’
‘Maternal instincts be hanged!’ Tremblingly she shrank from his palpable anger. ‘You’ll have to do better than that, Nadine. And why didn’t you tell Lisa? I thought she and you were supposed to be friends. Why come to me with your cold-hearted little message? Or did even the self-centred Nadine Kendall have enough sensitivity to realise that she wouldn’t be able to take it?’
She looked at him, scared. Oh, God! Please don’t let her actions have done anything to…
‘Stop piling on the innocence, Nadine. She was counting on that baby—and you know it! Do you realise the depths of frustration and disappointment she had to go through—the desperation she had to feel to have to resort to asking another woman to provide her with the baby she couldn’t conceive herself? And suddenly to be told she wasn’t going to have it after all—’ She could feel his loathing in the breath that shuddered through his lungs, in the angry, pulsing heat of his body. ‘You’ve broken up my marriage, you mercenary, calculating little bitch! And if you think you’re going to rob me of my child as well as wrecking my home, you’ve got another think coming!’
Nadine stared at him, eyes disbelieving. Lisa—gone? True, she’d seen her in the car park, kissing that other man. But leaving Cameron…
‘It wasn’t my fault,’ she uttered meekly, stunned both by the knowledge that Lisa would actually want to end her marriage and the sudden cold fear that Cameron might try to take the baby away.
‘No?’ Clearly he wasn’t going to accept that, she realised despairingly, feeling a little less threatened when he lowered his arms, slipping his hands into his trouser pockets. ‘You think you’re blameless?’
‘Yes! I mean…’ Oh, goodness! What was she trying to say? She’d only been doing what she’d thought was best for the baby—what any mother in the same situation would have done. But if Cameron believed Lisa was so innocent, then let him carry on thinking it! It wasn’t her place to put him straight. He’d hardly thank her for it, anyway. ‘I’m sorry,’ was all she could offer him, rather lamely.
‘Sorry?’ He rocked back on his heels, contempt in every hard inch of him. ‘Are you trying to tell me you didn’t have this planned from the very beginning? If Lisa was right, and you’re as anti-men as she had me believe—’
‘She said that?’
‘She hardly needed to. It’s patently obvious.’ She barely heard his scathing response, still trying to come to terms with Lisa saying something that was totally untrue. ‘You never go out with anyone—not regularly-only the odd, privileged male you might condescend to allow to date you when you’re feeling like some masculine company. So how did you go about choosing the father of your baby? Were you looking for a particular kind of pedigree? Or was it the thought of the five-figure cheque that appealed to the virgo intacta?’
The report that rang through the tiny hall was like the crack of a whip. Open-mouthed, hand smarting, Nadine stared at the reddening mark on his cheek, and she gave a small, frightened cry as he grabbed her, pushing her back against the wall.
‘Don’t you dare raise your hand to me, you cheap, double-crossing little vixen! All that talk about honour!’ His hands on her upper arms were bruising, frighteningly powerful, his contemptuous reminder of that night in that Essex hotel scorching her cheeks with shame. ‘You used me!’
‘That’s not true!’
‘No?’ His fingers tightened relentlessly on her bare flesh. ‘You wanted a child without the inconvenience of a husband. But may I remind you that I’m that child’s father, and I’ll fight you for custody every step of the way?’
Panic filled her eyes and she said desperately, ‘You can’t make me give it up!’
‘Legally, no.’ Of course. He knew the law—better than anyone. ‘Any more than you can extract any more cash from me if you change your mind and decide to. But if you think you can take my money and keep that baby, then I’ll have you know now that I’ll have my money’s worth out of you in other ways!’
‘No!’ Her hands came up to try and hold him off when she saw the threatening purpose in his eyes, but he was too strong for her, his body pinning her to the wall, his mouth coming down on hers with angry, humiliating intent.
His lips were punishing, the hands that had been holding her cruelly against him suddenly ripping at the collar of her blouse.
Dear heaven! He thought her no better than a whore! she thought wildly, her senses ravaged by the scent and heat and anger emanating from him, by that angry mouth against her throat, against her shoulder. Only her frenzied ‘No!’ seemed finally to drag him back to his senses.
Releasing her, and so abruptly that she staggered back against the wall, he turned away from her with a shuddering imprecation, as though he was revolted by her-by himself, for his own loss of control.
‘Do what you will,’ he snarled, contempt twisting his mouth. ‘Go where you will—to the other side of the world if you’ve a mind to. But I’ll find you.’ And as he turned to leave, through a blanket of fear and dizzying nausea, she heard his intimidating promise, ‘As long as you have my child you’ll never be rid of me, Nadine!’
