Breaking the Nurse's No-Dating Rule
Autor
Janice Lynn
Lecturas
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11
CHAPTER ONE
“HOW DO YOU stay so cheerful all the time? I’ve never seen you without a smile on your face. That can’t be easy when you’re surrounded by seriously injured and ill patients.”
Intensive care nurse Julia Simmons smiled at her seventy-year-old patient’s husband and wondered what the man would say if she told him the truth, that she strove to be a bright light in the hope that the darkness lurking deep within her never found its way out again. Yeah, that was way too heavy for an early Monday morning.
“I doubt anyone is cheerful all the time, but I do my best to choose happiness each day.” She even had Choose to be happy listed in her Rules for Life Success notebook. Glancing toward the man’s unconscious wife, her heart gave a painful squeeze. Irene Burch’s viral pneumonia had sent her into respiratory failure, and she’d nearly died. Requiring life support to oxygenate her body, she seemed improved, but still might die. Working in the ICU meant knowing your patients were more likely to pass away than survive, but Julia did everything she could to increase their odds. “Some days are easier than others.”
Taking a deep breath, the man nodded. “I know you’re right. The past few days haven’t been easy, but we’ve much to be thankful for. Irene is still with me and is improved some from when she was admitted earlier this week. Will Dr. Richards be by this morning to check on her?”
Cheeks hot, Julia averted her gaze at the mention of the hospital’s newest pulmonologist. Had she thought Mr. Burch was going to see something in her eyes that she didn’t want seen? That choosing happiness was all too easy when Dr. Boone Richards made his hospital rounds?
“Dr. Richards usually stops by the ICU prior to going to his office and then again after he finishes with his last appointment of the day.” And sometimes in between when a patient had an issue. Not that she kept tabs.
Ugh. There went her cheeks bursting into flames again.
She finished checking her patient, assured Mr. Burch that she’d be close if anything changed, and stepped out of her patient’s room. The moment she did, she scanned Knoxville General’s intensive care unit. Boone was nearby. Exactly how she knew didn’t make logical sense, but her awareness of when he was near happened too frequently to be coincidence. She figured it went back to some innate survival skill of sensing imminent danger. Despite how giddy being near him made her, she wasn’t oblivious to the perils of getting too close.
Six feet tall, athletically built, quick-witted, and with the most appealing grin she’d ever seen, Boone was D-A-N-G-E-R. Not that she had a chance with him even if she did date—which she didn’t. Boone was gorgeous and successful and the kind of guy that women like her admired from afar, but knew they didn’t have a chance with in the real world. Plus, there was the beautiful orthopedic surgeon he had been dating since long before they’d came to Knoxville. She’d heard rumors they weren’t together anymore, but she’d learned long ago not to pay much heed to gossip.
Spotting him, she bit her lower lip, watching him laugh at something a coworker said at the nurse station. Heavens, from the top of his shiny brown locks to the tips of his tennis shoes, he looked as if he starred on a television show rather than working as the highly skilled physician she knew him to be. Yeah, girls with pasts like hers didn’t date men like Boone Richards, but even if they did, Julia had other plans for her life. No doubt he and the orthopedic surgeon made the perfect power couple and dazzled everyone who saw them together—if they were still a couple.
Boone’s gaze shifted, pinning her with baby blues that had featured in more fantasies than she cared to admit. Immediately, he grinned, and a lot of thumps and bumps clanged around in her chest. Excusing himself from chatting with a respiratory therapist, he came to where Julia lingered at the hand sanitizer dispenser outside Mrs. Burch’s room.
“Good morning, Julia. How’s our lady holding up today?”
Despite how her blood raced through her vessels and made her a little light-headed, she met his gaze. “Becky was on shift last night. She reported that Irene remained stable. I cleared her airways with a suction catheter a few minutes ago and was pleased with her vitals. I believe she’s improved some this morning.”
“Great. I know you’ve just been in there, but will you round with me while I examine her?”
“Of course.” It wasn’t as if she’d refuse that request from any of the physicians she worked with, but Julia had major respect for Boone and enjoyed patient care with him. He was a great doctor. The best. She loved observing him with his patients and their families. Someday when she’d earned her master’s and worked as a nurse practitioner, she imagined that she’d use him as a role model for the type of care she wanted to provide—professional, kind, and truly concerned for others.
“See, I said I’d be back soon,” she told Mr. Burch when she reentered the ICU bay. “Look who I brought with me.”
“Dr. Richards,” the man greeted Boone, reaching out to shake his hand. Boone did so, then disinfected his hands prior to examining Irene.
After he’d checked her and answered her husband’s questions the best he could, he dictated a few chart notes via his phone, then turned to Julia. “As you heard, I agree with you that Irene has improved some this morning. I’m decreasing her sedation in the hope that we can get her awake and wean her off the ventilator. Respiratory therapy should be by later this morning, and we’ll start decreasing her ventilation settings.”
Assessing the rise and fall of her patient’s chest created by the lifesaving machine, Julia nodded. “I’ll check regularly and keep you posted.”
“Thanks.”
“Use the call button if you need anything,” she reminded Mr. Burch, then followed Boone from the room.
Rather than head toward the nurse station, he paused, chatting with her a few moments as they often did to discuss their favorites on a singing competition reality show they both enjoyed. Julia usually multitasked while exercising or housecleaning, but she made a point to keep up with the show just so they could argue the merits of their favorites.
“The young girl from Kentucky whose father was a coal miner is going to win the whole thing,” she assured him despite his claim that a male contestant would take final prize.
“So you keep telling me.” One side of his mouth hiked up. Then he asked, “Are you going to the hospital Christmas party in a few weeks? I hear the hospital does a really great job putting the event together.”
“They really do,” she agreed. “Unless I’m needed here, I plan to go.”
From the end of the fall term to the start of the spring semester, Julia got to breathe a little while not having classes, studying, and homework.
“That’s great.” His smile suggested it really was. “Are you bringing a plus-one?”
“No. At last year’s, I was the plus-one for Stephanie and her boyfriend Derek.” She laughed at the memory. Her bestie and coworker had insisted Julia join them as their designated driver and had made sure Julia didn’t felt like a third wheel.
Boone’s eyes sparkled like sunshine hitting the bluest sea. “Do you want to?”
Hello! She’d thought he was just chitchatting... Was he asking what she thought he was asking? Surely not. There was that whole out-of-her-league thing and the orthopedic surgeon he might or might not still be dating. Her heart pounded so hard it beat the air from her lungs, and she fought to keep from steadying herself by holding on to the wall. Did Boone want her to be his date, or was he trying to set her up with a friend? Or to just go with her as friends? In any case, no matter how insanely her heart raced, she shook her head.
“No plus-one for me. I don’t date.”
The sparkle in his eyes dimmed a little. “You don’t date? As in, at all?”
She shrugged.
“Any particular reason why you don’t date?”
She had dated once upon a time without thought or apparent care if the guy was a total loser—and she’d been with some doozies. After she’d straightened up her life, she’d bent her Rules for Life Success and dated a man she’d thought truly cared for her, even exposing her most shameful secrets to him. Of course, he’d never looked at her the same, teaching her a valuable lesson.
Wisely, she’d vowed to never stray again from the rules that had worked well for her thus far. Who had the time or energy to date, anyway? She had other life priorities that didn’t include squandering precious time on relationships that never lasted. Just look at how Clay had left her despite his promises to love her forever.
Then there were her mother’s many relationships prior to her passing. Her father wasn’t any better. His most recent wedding had been his number four, and the last Julia had heard, they weren’t living together. Yeah, dating didn’t fit into her life plan. Maybe after she graduated from school in May, but not until after she’d checked that off her list.
“My reasons are really not any of your business, Dr. Richards.” Perhaps it was thoughts of Clay that had raised her hackles and put the haughtiness in her voice.
Boone studied her a moment, probably wondering why she’d gone so tense. But rather than questioning her further, he brandished one of those smiles that made her think it might be okay to toss aside her rules and just bask in his attention for however long it lasted. The man was seriously more tempting than the tastiest chocolate when she was on a diet. Good thing she’d just been thinking of Clay, so she had a fresh reminder of the devastating blows delivered by caring for someone who couldn’t love you back.
“Fair enough,” Boone conceded. “But if you change your mind about dating, I’m free the night of the Christmas party.”
He was asking for himself.
Not that it mattered, but the idea he was asking for himself rather than someone else seemed surreal. Surely he meant as just friends?
“You’re free that night so you want me to change my mind about dating and then ask you to be my date?”
He pretended to consider, then gave another lopsided grin. “Not exactly what I meant, but that works. I promise not to play hard to get.”
Still shocked that he wanted to go to the Christmas party with her, even as friends, Julia dug deep for the fortitude to look him straight in the eye. “I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you.”
“I don’t have to hold my breath to feel breathless around you, Julia.”
His admission stunned her, and her head spun. Self-preservation kicked in, and panic filled her. What was Boone doing? She needed to keep her eyes on the prize. The prize was not a date with the hospital’s most gorgeous doctor. She’d secretly crushed on him but had never dreamed he’d share her interest. Well, she had dreamed, but that’s all it had been. A silly, secret fantasy. “Don’t you have a girlfriend?”
He shook his head. “Surely you know that we wouldn’t be having this conversation if I had a girlfriend. I’m single.”
The rumors had been true. He and the orthopedic surgeon were no longer a couple.
“Good for you.” She fought to cover her astonishment that he was interested in a date with her. Not that she hadn’t caught him watching her more than once. She had. She’d figured it was because he’d noticed the way her brain turned to mush when he was near.
She was flattered, stunned, but she wouldn’t waver. She had rules that were working for her, and she was sticking to them. She recalled much too well that ignoring her own rules had led to having her heart broken. She enjoyed her work relationship with Boone, and even her private fantasies, but that’s all they could ever be.
She needed distance from him, physical and emotional. “If you’ll excuse me, Dr. Richards, I’m going to log my new notes on Mrs. Burch. Have a good day.”
He didn’t follow her to the nurse station, but she felt his gaze boring into her with each step she took. She ordered her feet to keep moving one step in front of the other—Don’t fall...don’t break into a run—partially because she didn’t trust them to move away from Boone rather than toward him. He’d just asked her to go to the hospital Christmas party with him.
He’d said she took away his breath. Oh, heavens. Her insides were shaking at his dreamlike comment. Did he feel how attracted she was to him and assume she’d be an easy distraction while he was in between girlfriends? She didn’t want to think poorly of him, but maybe it would be better if she did. Anything to put up a wall between them.
“Your cheeks are red,” Stephanie pointed out when Julia reached the nurse station. “Wouldn’t have anything to do with our favorite hunky doctor you were just talking to and who is still looking your way, would it?”
“No.” She fought the urge to glance toward Boone.
“Yeah, I don’t believe you.” Stephanie laughed, then asked, “What were you talking about that’s got you so red-faced? It’s rare I see you flustered.”
“Our patient.”
“Mrs. Burch is what’s got you all twitterpated?” Stephanie eyed her suspiciously. “Is everything okay?”
“She’s stable, and I’m not whatever that word is.”
“Girl, you are so off-kilter. I’d give my right eye to have been a fly on the wall and hear what Dr. Richards said to you. There’s that rumor going around that he and Dr. Cunningham are no longer an item.”
“You know better than to believe rumors.” Julia shrugged as if she couldn’t care less. She shouldn’t. Whether Boone was available did not matter. Julia wasn’t available. She’d keep it to herself that Boone had mentioned going to the Christmas party. She knew what Stephanie would tell her to do. Her friend thought she worked too much and needed to let loose, that it was long past time for her to be over the past and Clay. There were some things her friend couldn’t fully understand. Julia knew, though. Letting loose was why she now had to buckle down so strictly.
“Most of the time I’d agree with that.” Stephanie propped her elbows on the desk. “But on this occasion, I’m inclined to think it’s true. Too bad if not, because I was hoping that you two had finally admitted what everyone already knows.”
Rubbing her finger over the small tattoo on her left wrist, Julia gulped. “What’s that?”
Stephanie wagged her perfectly sculpted brows. “That the air sizzles when you two are in the same room.”
Others could feel it? Her cheeks burned, but glancing toward Stephanie, she snorted as if her friend was way off base. “That’s your own man-crazy, happy-in-love-so-everyone-else-must-be-too, fried brain you’re hearing sizzling. I wish you the best. Derek is a great guy. However, in my experience, relationships don’t last.”
“Derek’s and mine will last.” Stephanie informed her with full-on sass. “But you keep telling yourself every guy is like Clay so that you can hide behind those walls you erected when he left. They aren’t. Dr. Richards is a great guy. If he’s single, you should invite him to dinner or something.” She stuck her finger up in the air. “Sizzle. Sizzle.”
Sizzling air around Boone or not, she wouldn’t admit to there being anything more than professional admiration in the way she felt about Boone. Not to her friend. Nothing good could come from doing so. She was happy, healthy, and on course. The last thing she needed was a refresher course in Heartbreak 101.
Later that week, Dr. Boone Richards smiled at the petite brunette wearing a bright pink scrub top with colorful dancing cats on it. He was starting to blame her more and more for his discontent in life. Which wasn’t fair to Julia. He had a great life, the career he’d always wanted, and he could have moved on to the next step in his personal life with Olivia. Instead, a few weeks back, he’d ended the five-year relationship that had led him to Knoxville. Olivia hadn’t taken the breakup well. She’d been expecting an engagement ring, not a goodbye.
The reality was they should have ended it years ago but had grown so comfortable in their seemingly “perfect” life that they’d overlooked a really big thing they were missing. They weren’t in love. No matter how much he’d tried, he’d been unable to picture himself growing old with her. As soon as he’d admitted that truth to himself, he’d set her free. Set them both free.
After that, things that should have been obvious all along gained clarity. Things like Julia Simmons and how much he looked forward to seeing her when he consulted in the intensive care unit. How he hoped she’d be the nurse taking care of his patients, so he’d have reason to directly interact with her because he enjoyed their chats and her cheerful enthusiasm in all she did.
Not that there had been enjoyable chats or cheerful enthusiasm that week. He’d ruined everything because she’d not met his gaze since his Christmas party invite, instead quickly disappearing whenever he came to the unit. Her avoidance was driving him crazy, but he could only blame himself. He hadn’t asked a woman on a first date in five years and had majorly botched his attempt.
“Dr. Richards.” She averted her gaze, staring at the med cart drawer she’d just closed. “Mrs. Burch has done well with the decreased pressures on her ventilator. Do you intend to completely remove her ventilation tube today?”
Look at me, he silently demanded. Let me see your eyes to know if I’ve completely misread what I thought was mutual attraction.
“Call me Boone, but yes, unless something has changed with her exam or vitals, then I will take her off the vent.”
“Her family will be glad to hear that. Now that she’s awake and wanting to communicate with them, she seems motivated to come off. As far as the other—” her long lashes swept down over pink cheeks “—that’s not appropriate.”
He raked his hands through his hair. “Lots of our coworkers call me Boone. There’s no reason you can’t do the same.”
“You worked hard to earn your title. Be proud. It’s not a problem for me to use your title when addressing you.”
Perhaps not for her. For him, it was. Of course he was professional when they were together, but he was also a man interested in her as a woman. But she was obviously not a woman interested in him as a man. If only her eyes didn’t say otherwise. Was that why she refused to meet his gaze? Because she didn’t want him to see whatever shone there? Regardless, what her eyes were saying didn’t matter when she verbalized a lack of interest. He had no choice but to accept her words.
“If you insist.” Frustrating, but he forced a smile. “Let’s go extubate Mrs. Burch.”
The seventy-year-old woman was awake when he and Julia entered her room. Her husband stood beside her bed. The love the man had for his wife was obvious as he held her hand. That’s what he wanted, Boone thought. A love that lasted a lifetime, through ups and downs, like the Burches had, like what his parents had. He’d not been wrong to end things with Olivia, but perhaps what he sought didn’t exist for him.
“Good morning again, Irene,” Julia said, flashing the warmest smile at their patient, who gave a thumbs-up as she was unable to verbalize with the ventilation tube in place. Julia then gave the woman’s husband an equally bright smile. “Harry,” she addressed him. “I missed you when I was here earlier.”
“I went downstairs for a coffee.”
“I told you I’d bring you anything you needed,” Julia reminded him.
“You also told me to stretch my legs and not just sit as it wasn’t good for me.” The man smiled fondly at her. That Julia made the extra effort to know her patients was just one of the many reasons Boone preferred her being assigned to his patients. She genuinely cared and it showed.
“Morning,” he greeted them, chatting a few seconds, then listening to the woman’s chest to make sure there were no surprises prior to taking her off the machine that helped her breathe. When he was satisfied with her examination, he looked her directly in the eyes. “As you know, we’ve been doing spontaneous breathing trials as we wean down how much the mechanical ventilator is doing over the past few days. There’s always a risk that you might have to be intubated again, but the things we watch for that let us know you’re ready to come off the ventilator—heart rate, blood pressure, labs, cough strength, oxygenation and so forth—indicate that you should do fine.”
Mrs. Burch gave another thumbs-up.
“What you do today is very important. Julia will be encouraging you to use your incentive spirometer to continue to strengthen your lungs and help keep them clear of secretions. Breathing deeply is vital. Your respiratory therapist will be by, as well, to work with you. Breathing without the machine is going to leave you feeling short of breath at first. Just know that’s normal and focus on taking those big, deep breaths. You’ve got this.”
Julia suctioned Mrs. Burch’s lungs, removing excess secretions that naturally formed with mechanical ventilation, then stood on the opposite side of the bed from Boone, ready with a washcloth and to further suction the lungs as needed after he’d pulled the tube.
Boone focused on their patient, talking her through what he was doing as he could see the fear in her eyes. “You’ll likely have a sore throat for a few days. That’s normal and should pass,” he said as he removed the tube. Mrs. Burch gagged. Julia stood at the ready to clear her airways. Fortunately, her gag morphed into a noisy cough.
“Coughing is important,” he stressed. “Cough as needed as it’s your body’s way of clearing sputum.”
When he felt confident that Mrs. Burch was stable, he removed his personal protection equipment and tossed it into the appropriate disposal bin. “I’ll be back this evening to check on you.” Then to Julia, he said, “Call or message me if there are any changes.”
“Yes, sir, Dr. Richards,” she answered without glancing up from her patient, whom she encouraged to take a deep breath through her nose and to blow out slowly through her mouth, trying to get her to fully expand her lungs.
Boone inwardly sighed at her formality with him and the immediate contrasting warmth with which she addressed Mrs. Burch. Prior to his botched date attempt, she’d showered him with her smiles and warmth. Now she wouldn’t even look directly at him. He didn’t like this new cold shoulder treatment and needed to find a way to correct it. Maybe with time and patience, she’d want more. A guy could hope.
But even if she didn’t want to date him, they could still be friends, because he missed her smiles and quick wit.
“Julia, I need to clear the air.”
Tired from the long day, Julia eyed the man who’d jogged to catch up on her way toward the elevator that would take her to the hospital’s ground floor. She let out a long sigh. Hadn’t Boone done enough damage to her peace of mind already that week? She just wanted to go home, take a hot shower, eat something, and snuggle with her cat, Honey, while studying her class notes for her upcoming fall term final exams. Only one more semester to go to have her master’s in nursing. She had this.
“I owe you an apology,” Boone continued, and when she tried to stop him, he said, “Hear me out, please.”
Curiosity getting the best of her, she slowed her pace. “Okay.”
“When I asked you about the Christmas party earlier this week, I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable or pressured. Neither was my asking you to call me Boone.”
“I know.” That he was making the effort to say so made her like him all the more, which was not the goal. She didn’t want to like Boone more. She liked him too much already.
“You’ve avoided me since I asked you to the party, and earlier today felt awkward, when you didn’t want to call me Boone.”
Yes, she had done that, and her response to the idea of calling him Boone had been very awkward. She’d always been aware of him, but thinking about anything other than him had been almost impossible since he’d asked about the Christmas party. Being so distracted the week prior to that semester’s final examinations wasn’t a good thing.
“I don’t like the change to our interactions but do accept that it’s my own fault. I’m sorry.”
“Apology accepted.” An apology of her own was on the tip of her tongue. Only, how did she apologize for doing the right thing? As flattered as she was by his invite, things would never work between them. Even if by some miracle he was serious, she knew they were too different. She was saving them both a lot of wasted time.
“I didn’t think that my attraction to you was one-sided.” He gave her a self-derisive grin. “But now that you’re giving me a wide berth, I’ve realized I strained our friendship and our professional relationship.” He gave her a look that could only be described as completely sincere. “I never intended that. You’re an amazing person and nurse. I wouldn’t purposely give you a reason to not want to take care of my patients or to work with me. If I offended you by showing my personal interest, I hope you’ll forgive me.”
There were so many things she could say. That she’d been stunned and flattered, not offended. That she knew he was a good guy, but good guys broke hearts, too. That with work, school, school clinical hours, and volunteering at the Knoxville House of Hope, she didn’t have time to date. She’d vowed not to date again until after she’d graduated. Even then, she hadn’t really thought she would risk doing so. After Clay, she’d imagined she’d fly through life solo.
“Tell me how I can make things right.”
If ever a man had puppy-dog eyes, Boone’s blue ones shone with such yearning that Julia sucked in a deep breath.
“There’s no need for you to do anything to make things right beyond what you just did. We’ll forget it ever happened.” She wasn’t admitting just how blown away she was that he was attracted to her and was making the effort to try to repair their working relationship. If things were different, she’d have been over the moon about his interest. Ha, things weren’t different, and she was still over the moon. How could she not be when he’d just said he was attracted to her? Of course, he didn’t know the real her, just the one she presented at the hospital, but at least that assured her she was well on her way to becoming a better person. Too bad one’s past never truly went away.
“Julia?”
She glanced up, wondering if she’d made a mistake by looking into the mesmerizing blue of his eyes. She’d been avoiding doing that for fear of what he might see. She didn’t fool herself that she was a good enough actress to completely hide that he wasn’t wrong on his initial assessment.
“I’ll try not to bother you, except regarding work. I want to get to know you better outside the hospital. I do. But I will respect that you don’t feel the same.”
The biggest problem with his comment was that it wasn’t true. She did feel the attraction between them. The difference was that she knew the consequences of becoming involved with someone she could never truly live up to.
“If it’s not too much to ask, I do have one question.”
Waiting, she braced herself for whatever he might say.
“Did you answer no because you aren’t interested in me? Or because I asked you to go to the hospital Christmas party and our coworkers would see us? If others knowing is what held you back, pick your pleasure. I’d take you anywhere you want to go.”
Pick her pleasure. Had he really just said that? Looking at him was a pleasure. She could only imagine that touching him would be more so. Stop it, Julia, she scolded herself. You don’t date and if you did, you’d be a fool to get involved with someone like Boone.
“I appreciate the offer, and certainly I wouldn’t want a first date to be such a public one with my coworkers, but like I told you, I don’t date.”
She had to keep focused on the future. Risking that future on a man, even one as fabulous as Boone, wasn’t happening.
