Two months had passed since Uncle Mike’s funeral, and Gillian felt like she was walking through a never-ending fog. Her boss had been understanding, encouraging her to take some time off to heal.
But she needed to keep moving, to keep going, so she wouldn’t have to feel. She was tired of the pain, the heartache.
The loneliness was creeping in, consuming her heart, her mind, her soul.
She couldn’t bear to lose anything else in her life. She feared that if she stopped, if she accepted the reality of her loss, she would shatter into a million pieces.
Carrie and Kurt, her friends, invited her over for dinner twice a week to ensure she was eating. Gillian had lost nearly twenty pounds since the funeral, and she knew she looked terrible.
Ian, her ex, called her every few days and took her out a few times, hoping to rekindle their relationship. But Gillian had ended things with him for a reason, and she intended to keep it that way.
Uncle Mike had never liked Ian and had made his feelings clear. He’d sensed something off about him, and Kurt had agreed.
Kurt had even called Harold, warning him about Ian. Harold had promised to keep a close eye on the money Gillian had inherited from Uncle Mike, to ensure Ian didn’t get his hands on it.
Gillian was at Carrie and Kurt’s place for dinner again, cuddling Jonas, their little Yorkie, as they chatted while dinner cooked.
Carrie had just discovered she was pregnant and was showing Gillian the ultrasound pictures. Gillian was genuinely happy for them. They were a wonderful couple who deserved happiness, and she told them so.
“Gigi, we’re worried about you. You’ve lost weight, and you’re just existing, not living. You need to do something, honey. Uncle Mike wouldn’t want this for you!”
“Car, I feel so alone! My parents are gone, Uncle Mike is gone, I have no family, no one who loves me! I’m drowning!” Gillian sobbed.
Carrie started crying too, reaching out to hold Gillian. She let Gillian cry into her arms while Kurt watched from the kitchen.
After a few minutes, Gillian calmed down, taking deep breaths.
“I’m sorry I just lost it, Car… I don’t know what came over me…”
“Don’t you dare apologize! I’m so glad you finally let some emotions out instead of just bottling them up.”
“I don’t really cry much. I just try and push it down,” Gillian confessed.
“That’s not good, Gigi,” Kurt said, bringing in large glasses of water for both women. “Do you want me to write you a prescription for an antidepressant?”
“No… Maybe… Let me think about it… Thanks, Dr. Roosevelt.”
He nodded and sat down. “You know it’s totally normal to feel this way, right? This is grief at its rawest. How are things going at work?”
“I’m just going through the motions. It’s taking me longer to get through samples, and I’ve been giving those to Elise while I handle the paperwork and contracts.
“I just can’t concentrate long enough to understand what I’m reading,” Gillian admitted.
“At least you can acknowledge it. Gigi, have you thought about taking a break? Maybe taking a leave of absence and just going somewhere?” Kurt asked gently.
“Not really... It’s funny you mention that though... Ian asked if I wanted to get away with him...”
“At your expense, right?” Carrie asked.
“Yeah, he said he didn’t have much in savings anymore... So I would pay...”
Carrie was furious. “How convenient!! When you go to dinner, do you pay? Never mind, I already know! He smells a meal ticket, Gigi!
“Stop hanging out with him! He knows you got a nice settlement from Uncle Mike!”
“I agree, Gigi. I think he’s using you for your inheritance...,” Kurt added gently.
“I know... It just felt good to be with someone who loves me...”
“Honey, I don’t think he does. Has he changed since you broke up with him? Has he really changed his attitude and way of thinking?
“Is he still as selfish as he was before?” Kurt asked, placing a hand on his wife’s arm to calm her.
Gillian thought for a moment, then shook her head. “No, he hasn’t changed at all. It’s still all about him...”
“Then if you go on vacation, you go for you, not for him! I’m sure he wanted somewhere warm and tropical, not caring that you hate hot weather!” Carrie huffed.
“Yeah, he suggested an all-inclusive resort in Jamaica...,” Gillian admitted guiltily.
They all sat in silence for a moment before Kurt cleared his throat, drawing the attention of the two women. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot actually. Have you ever thought of going to Scotland, Gigi?
“It’s where your parents are from, even though you don’t know which part. But you could go and see your heritage.
“There are many festivals that happen during the summer, and you could go and experience what your parents did and grew up with. You could get in touch with your roots and center yourself. Find a new you...”
Gillian had never considered actually going there. She’d always been fascinated with the country, loving the sound of bagpipes and the majesty of what the country represented.
“I think that’s a good idea, Gigi! You could go and just explore. No set timetable, no set schedules, just explore and relax,” Carrie said.
“Do you really think I could do that?” she asked.
“Why couldn’t you?” Kurt asked. “Are you lacking funds?”
“No, you know I’m not.”
“Can you take a leave of absence from work?” he asked.
“Yes, my boss already said that I could take time off, as much as I needed to get my bearings.”
“Do you have a husband or children that we don’t know about keeping you here?” he asked finally.
“No?” Kurt asked, his eyebrows raised in surprise.
Gillian simply shook her head, her voice barely above a whisper when she finally spoke. “I’m just...scared.”
Kurt let out a soft sigh, his smile gentle and understanding. “That’s perfectly normal, Gillian. You’re stepping into the unknown. It’s always a little scary. But remember, you’re one of the strongest people I know. I have no doubt—you can do this.”
Carrie chimed in, her voice filled with sincerity. “I agree, Gigi. You’re smart, beautiful, and resourceful. I know you can take this step, heal, and be the badass woman we met in our freshman year.”
Gillian felt her mind whirring, processing their words, their faith in her.
“You don’t have to decide right now,” Kurt said, his voice gentle. “Just think about it, okay?”
“Okay,” Gillian agreed, a small smile playing on her lips. “I’ll think about it. Now, didn’t you mention something about dessert, Car?”
Their laughter filled the room as they moved back into the kitchen, ready for a round of cheesecake and shared stories.
Later that night, as Gillian lay in bed, her mind wandered to the rolling hills, the serene lochs, and the ancient castle ruins of Scotland. They were all there, waiting for her to explore.
She dreamed of bagpipes and men in kilts, of dancing and laughter, of fairies inviting her to join their play. The images filled her dreams, a tantalizing glimpse of what could be.
